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Started By
Message
re: Soft White Underbelly- A Divorce Attorney’s Thoughts on Love and Marriage
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:05 pm to Lsupimp
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:05 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
How old are you Oilfield? And how long has your marriage lasted? And without getting personal or projecting, dispense some advice. I'd love to hear the wisdom you are sure to dispense; a little optimism to counter my realism, as it were...
Not nearly as old as you as I’m still in the stage where our children are entirely dependent on us.
I’m not the shinning example of perfection in any facet of my life. Neither is my wife, neither is our marriage. However, I can look at my life, see how happy I get when I get to spend time with my wife, my kids, them together, and realize how much they enriched my life. What I’m trying to say is I’m not the person to come to in how to make the perfect marriage although I think I have it pretty damned good.
What I am saying is that in your post that I originally replied too, you boiled women down to nothing but emotional instability and demand and then stated as a man you should want your wife to be quiet, be subservient, to feed you, and to frick you. If that’s the relationship you desire, you’re as emotionally bent and warped as the woman you described.
1
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:11 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
There is truth in what he says but it's insanely amplified. Also, every time one of these threads emerges, the men bitching about women (bitching, ironically) often WAY undersell their own relationship inefficiencies and issues.
It must kill you to admit that . Also appreciate you throwing in your blue-pill bona fides. So mad. And for so long.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:13 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
It must kill you to admit that .
Huh?
quote:
Also appreciate you throwing in your blue-pill bona fides.
quote:
So mad.
Again, what?
Are you confusing me with someone else, or something?
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:22 pm to Oilfieldbiology
Out of the mouth of babes. Get back to me in 2043. I'll keep you in my prayers in the meantime as the truth of the "fairer sex" reveals itself to you.
That said, it's obvious you are a good man and a good husband/father. This isn't personal. It's a bit of a shame you lack the wisdom to extend that same courtesy acknowledgement to me, someone who is simply explaining to you, what you will know, two decades down the road. All my male friends in long-term marriages know it. That's what we talk about over cocktails, how our sweet little pumpkins morphed over time into Emotionless Killbots lol. All of us talked like you at your age. Because we believed it just as whole heartedly as you did. Probably more, since there was no real counter-narrative as there is now, in this social media age. And these men, talk with no sentimentality, about a life spent as a plow horse in the service of a woman who changed and became thirstier for resources over time. You'll see.
reveals itself to you. That said, it's obvious you are a good man and a good husband/father. This isn't personal. It's a bit of a shame you lack the wisdom to extend that same courtesy acknowledgement to me, someone who is simply explaining to you, what you will know, two decades down the road. All my male friends in long-term marriages know it. That's what we talk about over cocktails, how our sweet little pumpkins morphed over time into Emotionless Killbots lol. All of us talked like you at your age. Because we believed it just as whole heartedly as you did. Probably more, since there was no real counter-narrative as there is now, in this social media age. And these men, talk with no sentimentality, about a life spent as a plow horse in the service of a woman who changed and became thirstier for resources over time. You'll see.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:25 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
about a life spent as a plow horse in the service of a woman who changed and became thirstier for resources over time
preach brother
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:27 pm to Lsupimp
we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:28 pm to Northshore Aggie
quote:
we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two.
I imagine I see more examples of dynamics of people going through divorces than all but maybe 10 people regularly posting on this board
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:32 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
I understand them
That's painting with a pretty broad brush.
quote:
my beloved daughter
You realize she is a young woman, right? How would you feel about a man saying those things about her? That she just needs to look sexy and fix him a sandwich?
You sound bitter, and maybe you're 100% justified, but please don't lump all of us into that category. Your daughter deserves better than that attitude.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:32 pm to Northshore Aggie
quote:
preach brother
quote:
we know a thing or two because we've seen a thing or two.
The "Happy Wife Happy Life" crown learns the hardest. But also the best.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:36 pm to HouseMom
quote:
You sound bitter, and maybe you're 100% justified, but please don't lump all of us into that category. Your daughter deserves better than that attitude
Make us some sammiches Karen, the men are talking.
Also-pics?
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:37 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
The "Happy Wife Happy Life" crown learns the hardest. But also the best.
Umm it sounds like you haven’t learned shite.
Your adult daughter is taking over your bed because you’re scared that she might experience some mild discomfort of being away from daddy for the first time.
You and your friends are doormats. Don’t listen to them for advice on women lmao.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:38 pm to HouseMom
quote:
Your daughter deserves better than that attitude.
ugh.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:41 pm to JohnnyKilroy
quote:
Your adult daughter is taking over your bed because you’re scared that she might experience some mild discomfort of being away from daddy for the first time
That's a guy who likes to frick around but hasn't yet found out. And FTR, Johnny, how old are you? And are you married? And for how long ? A Dad?
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:46 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
The "Happy Wife Happy Life" crown learns the hardest. But also the best.
This dynamic only works if the feeling is reciprocated. Marriage isn’t a one way street of resource demand and any man or woman that allows it to get to such is headed down a path to an unfulfilled marriage, relationship, and life.
You asked me to extend to you the same courtesy of considering you a good man. I never said you were evil; never said to us were bad. I said your view that women should be silent, feed you, and frick you is wrong. A true, meaningful relationship isn’t simply about your base needs of food and sex. It also isn’t about one person having to constantly be the emotional crutch, day after day, year after year, for every little problem or inconvenience one has.
I hope I never am forced to have the same worldview you have and I am actively working on this in my current marriage. I’ve had too many older peers get divorced, too many posts on this website, too many anecdotal stories from random posters on the internet for me to think it’s not possible. I know it’s possible. I know it’s a decent to good chance of it to turn into that. Because of how common it seems to be, I will do everything in my power to make sure my relationship is not one of base needs being provided for but rather deeper fulfillment.
As I said earlier, I’m not perfect, my marriage and life are not perfect, but I’m not going to let perfect make me unappreciative of really damn good.
This post was edited on 8/7/23 at 1:47 pm
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:48 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
And are you married? And for how long ? A Dad?
Coming up on a couple decades and yes.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:48 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
I am discussing the nature of WOMEN. I understand them.
Have you admitted that your girlfriend and her illegal immigrant friend used you for money and other resources and a chance to get a green card?
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:50 pm to Oilfieldbiology
quote:
This dynamic only works if the feeling is reciprocated. Marriage isn’t a one way street of resource demand and any man or woman that allows it to get to such is headed down a path to an unfulfilled marriage, relationship, and life. You asked me to extend to you the same courtesy of considering you a good man. I never said you were evil; never said to us were bad. I said your view that women should be silent, feed you, and frick you is wrong. A true, meaningful relationship isn’t simply about your base needs of food and sex. It also isn’t about one person having to constantly be the emotional crutch, day after day, year after year, for every little problem or inconvenience one has. I hope I never am forced to have the same worldview you have and I am actively working on this in my current marriage. I’ve had too many older peers get divorced, too many posts on this website, too many anecdotal stories from random posters on the internet for me to think it’s not possible. I know it’s possible. I know it’s a decent to good chance of it to turn into that. Because of how common it seems to be, I will do everything in my power to make sure my relationship is not one of base needs being provided for but rather deeper fulfillment. As I said earlier, I’m not perfect, my marriage and life are not perfect, but I’m not going to let perfect make me unappreciative of really damn good.
oh, my sweet blue pilled summer child.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:55 pm to Oilfieldbiology
quote:
I hope I never am forced to have the same worldview you have and I am actively working on this in my current marriage. I’ve had too many older peers get divorced, too many posts on this website, too many anecdotal stories from random posters on the internet for me to think it’s not possible. I know it’s possible. I know it’s a decent to good chance of it to turn into that. Because of how common it seems to be, I will do everything in my power to make sure my relationship is not one of base needs being provided for but rather deeper fulfillment.
As I said earlier, I’m not perfect, my marriage and life are not perfect, but I’m not going to let perfect make me unappreciative of really damn good.
Never fall into the crab in a bucket mentality.
The irony of people posting about social media and ignoring the same psychological dimensions involved in cynical CIABM is hilarious. Especially if they're reinforcing this pathology with the same dopamine-based attention-seeking via online resources.
These dudes just take it personally and then get too used to the above-referenced dopamine responses. It is sad. Like people falling into MLMs or conspiracy theories.
Life is a series of decision making. Even with perfectly optimal DM, you aren't guaranteed success. To use a poker term, 1-outers happen, sometimes in the biggest pots. That doesn't mean that some force in the universe caused that direct suffering. The guys who fall into this mindset cannot accept that and personalize everything b/c they are narcissists themselves. That's why you see the pathologies they project (like the feed me/frick me and shut up stuff you're referencing) in this state so strongly.
THEY were violated
THEY were chosen for this violation by some source
THEY are so important that it's inconceivable that they've been inconvenienced
THEY have stories so special you must listen to them
etc. etc.
Selfish, fatalistic narcissism reinforced by social media. This version of TRP is the duck lips of relationship advice.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:56 pm to Mo Jeaux
quote:
Have you admitted that your girlfriend and her illegal immigrant friend used you for money and other resources and a chance to get a green card?
That would explain some things, like his rejection of his old talking points about how Americanized asian women weren't enough (b/c his wife was one) and how you had to go native, so to speak. And how they respected his manhood, etc.
I guess that didn't work out so it's just venom for everyone.
Posted on 8/7/23 at 1:57 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
All of us talked like you at your age
I know you are replying to someone else but I am nearly 50, most of my close friends and co-workers are mid 40s to early 60s. We are all low to middle class. I do not have a single person in my bubble in the last 15 years that has been divorced, one co-worker's wife died in a car accident. Sounds like you either married the wrong woman or changed in a negative way just as she did...... I don't know though.
I live in Shreveport, not any magical area, yet the vast majority of us seem to be happy. Sure people can fake it, but out of these 15-20 couples wife and I know, over the last 10-25 years, they are hiding it very well. I will say, one thing most of us don't do is spend much time on the interent or social media (some, but not a lot of time), wife and I give ourselves a 1 hour limit, maybe that helps, I don't know.
ETA: I have a 24 y/o and 2 in HS, not a new daddy and sweet husband excited about life and just haven't "found out" yet.
This post was edited on 8/7/23 at 1:59 pm
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