re: So, my wife and I had to discipline our daughter for not putting forth effort in school

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Well, tonight we stripped her of all her privileges. TV, cell phone, ipad, legos, toys, electric scooter, bicycle, hanging out with friends, 


I guess I'm getting old but why does a 12 year old need a cell phone when you have all that other shite?

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12 year olds still play with Legos??

You got a lot on your plate. A wife who is getting bored and questioning the monotony of a keeping up with the Joneses picket fence existence. And a daughter who is coming up on her rebellious teen years in a digital/social media age.

Thoughts and prayers.

Get yourself a cabin, a boat, a camp, something to retreat to and enjoy the simple things.

My dad called that taking away technology. He meant ALL technology. I of course responded with how can I eat without a fork? It was only because of the grace and class of my mother that I ate with a fork. Sometimes, kids need to figure things out on their own. Let her fail. She will figure it out.

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Sometimes, kids need to figure things out on their own. Let her fail. She will figure it out.

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One of the hardest, yet most important things a parent can do for their child.

Your effort is commendable, but did you just start this process? You should have been building this in your child for years. If you just started paying attention and caring, shouldn't you discipline yourself?


I would recommend not taking everything away. I greatly value good education, but not much of that is going on in schools. Most of the work is really just non challenging busy work. You need to develop clearly defined goals. Saying "put forth some damn effort" is obviously not a well defined goal.

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We are essentially meaningless to everything but God.

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The point is to try and make things better. This may not be the most popular answer on the OT, but I have spent a decent chunk of my life trying to make the world a better place, and I suspect my child will do the same. Whether it is serving your country, or curing cancer, or inventing a new way to harness energy, do something that affects positive change in your community and or the world.

If all you do is spend money on truck nuts and get in fights at sonic, there really isn't much of a point at all.

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So, what's the point?"

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Depends on the person. Some peoples point is religion.

Others is having nice things and being able to do what they want.

Some do it out of necessity because they're responsible for another person.

We each have different motivating factors, it can be one or many things.

Sounds like your wife has never asked these existential questions of herself, it's all a part of becoming wiser and more self aware. This can be a good thing, but you need to show her she has non judgmental support from you while she is going through this stage in her life.

Many people never seriously ask themselves this; but for those who do, nobody can tell you what the answer is because it's different for everyone. Just be there, give her hugs, be positive.

It is time I discipline your wife

The point of learning is to be able to help others INCLUDING YOURSELF.
If you do not study and learn, then you will HAVE to rely on the "state" in order to survive.
The act of learning will allow you to obtain wisdom. The absence of learning you will obtain stupidity.

The real question is why was I created? Every person was created to Love and serve God with all of our mind, heart, body and soul; and to love our neighbor as ourself. Who is our neighbor? The person closest to you. The person in your vicinity. Love is the only ticket to heaven. If one has all of the faith to move mountains, but does not have love, one has nothing.

You tell your daughter if she wants to become wise, then she MUST study and learn. If she does not study, then she will become stupid. I don't know many kids that WANT to be stupid.
If this does not work, then you tell her that she needs to study so she can help others. If she can add, then she can already help a 1st grader with their math.
Find something that she can do to help someone, then make her help. After she finishes helping, ask her how it made her feel. If she says, Good", then create opportunities for her to help. Teach her how to cook. Tell her how good the food tastes. Let her know that she is a good cook.
Find something that she can do, and help her do it. When she does well, let her know.
Ask her if someone from school is causing her trouble. Sometimes this could be a sign that she is having a problem with someone at school.
If it is just her, then she is becoming selfish. This selfishness will lead to many problems in her future. You don't want to diagnose her as being selfish if her withdrawal from studying is from problems at school.
You have much work to do.
Pray and ask God to help you and your daughter discern what is the root problem. Is she desiring more attention from her parents? Is it bad attention from a classmate? Ids it deep selfishness? Is she starting her time of the month, and she does not know how to handle it?
May God help you.