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re: Separation Anxiety and Depression question.

Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:41 pm to
Posted by russellvillehog
Member since Apr 2016
9711 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:41 pm to
It seriously took me about 3 months. I even went to get on a low dose of prozac. I feel like it helped very slightly if any at all.

Easiest way to get over it is to frick someone else.
Posted by touchdownjeebus
Member since Sep 2010
24837 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:43 pm to
Go to the gym. I know it sounds stupid, but go to the gym. Get infatuated with your health. It will get better, but until then focus on something that is good for you.
Posted by Macavity92
Member since Dec 2004
5982 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:44 pm to
quote:

Any suggestions?


Don’t date for a year or so. Get to know who you are now after this trauma. Figure out what you want out of life, especially years down the road. It gets better, but only if you take the time to take care of yourself and don’t make stupid mistakes (dating again too quickly, thinking the rebound is the one, etc) as you move forward.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67116 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:44 pm to
I have the same problem. Her parents were far more helpful and emotionally supportive of me throughout college and law school than mine were, and her cousins were all really cool and around my age. Holidays with her family were so much fun. My family is mostly just small, sad, disfunctional, and/or spread out. I wasn’t super close with her brother, but I’m not really that close with my own brothers either, tbh.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
129005 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:46 pm to
quote:

I got the dreaded “I love you, but I’m not in love with you anymore” line.


You said yall are mid 30s and married for 15 years. Bet you she is a classic mid 30s woman wanting a divorce cause she feels like she didn't get to truly experience single life in her 20s.


Just focus on being a great father. View the time that your child is with your ex wife as the time you get to do things you wouldn't have the time to do before. Like others said...take weekend trips somewhere new. Find a new hobby or retake up a hobby you may have let go after you got married.


Read you are seeing a therapist. Continue to do that. Therapy is wonderful. If anything...it's just nice to be able to have a non biased ear just listen to you talk. I see a therapist for other reasons but I always feel a little better/lighter in spirit walking out of my therapist's office after a session.


Best of luck to you
Posted by DallasTiger11
Los Angeles
Member since Mar 2004
11809 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:48 pm to
quote:

Easiest way to get over it is to frick someone else.

This is so not true. It helps temporarily but it isn’t lasting.

Breakups are the worst. Talking to someone and time are the only real answers. And there isn’t some magic timeline to be “over it”. I don’t think we are ever over some people. We just absorb it and move forward.
This post was edited on 4/20/19 at 8:49 pm
Posted by SCLibertarian
Conway, South Carolina
Member since Aug 2013
36093 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:49 pm to
I did family law for about 5 years. Seeing the things married people did to one another on a daily basis makes me completely distrustful of the entire institution of marriage. People generally suck in my opinion.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48606 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:52 pm to
quote:

You said yall are mid 30s and married for 15 years. Bet you she is a classic mid 30s woman wanting a divorce cause she feels like she didn't get to truly experience single life in her 20s. 

I've seen this several times from men and women that married fairly young. I got married at 27 but was a bit of a spirited young man up until then and afterwards for awhile. I did more dumb shite than many do in a lifetime unfortunately.
This post was edited on 4/20/19 at 8:58 pm
Posted by Evil Little Thing
Member since Jul 2013
11232 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 8:57 pm to
quote:

Holidays with her family were so much fun. My family is mostly just small, sad, disfunctional, and/or spread out.


Exactly the same. His parents had a way of making you feel very included, and like everything was going to be all right. Holidays were so fun. Apart from my mom living here half the year, I have no family within a thousand miles.

I’m grateful that my new husband gets very into holidays. My ex never did. I’m focusing on making new traditions with him, and building that feeling of “family” with him.
Posted by TrimTab
North County Coastal San Diego
Member since Mar 2019
7777 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:08 pm to
quote:

And there isn’t some magic timeline to be “over it”. I don’t think we are ever over some people.

Truer words were never spoken. My heart breaks every day for the one that "got away." I don't think I'll ever get over him.
Posted by Rouge
Floston Paradise
Member since Oct 2004
136823 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:09 pm to
quote:

My heart breaks every day for the one that "got away." I don't think I'll ever get over him
your husband must be estactic at that news
Posted by Hook Em Horns
350000 posts
Member since Sep 2010
15096 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:10 pm to
Stop being a pussy...
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67116 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:11 pm to
What is it that triggers those moments for you?

For me, I go through these periods of intense depression for a day or two after being alright for several days. Or, maybe I’ll be driving in the car and hear the song we danced to at our wedding, I’ll see people playing with their dogs and miss mine that she kept, or I’ll drink too much and go to the dark sad drunk place in my mind and get emotional.
This post was edited on 4/20/19 at 9:13 pm
Posted by CMBears1259
Baton Rouge
Member since Sep 2005
4030 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:12 pm to
Odd that this thread should come up today. I was having feelings of sadness, frustration and failure as I was shopping/preparing the kids Easter baskets. The ex filed in July 2017. It was final in August 2018. As it is now I’m more than good most of the time.

Seeing a counselor definitely helps. Mine got me through some ROUGH times. There were no really good reasons for her filing. Nothing occurred that couldn’t have been resolved. At least nothing I know of. She did and continues to do a lot of projecting and uses the kids as a weapon (which makes me sick) against me still. Frankly, I’m glad to be done with her at this point. Hurts me for my kids that she wasn’t willing to at least try counseling.
Posted by Evil Little Thing
Member since Jul 2013
11232 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:13 pm to
quote:

your husband must be estactic at that news


He’s home singing Keith Whitley’s “Don’t Close Your Eyes.”
Posted by OWLFAN86
The OT has made me richer
Member since Jun 2004
175988 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:13 pm to
quote:

My heart breaks every day for the one that "got away." I don't think I'll ever get over him.


i was gonna comment with something like I hope I always haunt your orgasm you now have to give yourself



but,, Rouge is right,, thats kinda fricked up for a married person to say


and also only a woman would say this, the male sense of duty and all
Posted by TrimTab
North County Coastal San Diego
Member since Mar 2019
7777 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:13 pm to
quote:

your husband must be estactic at that news

I'm not married. He was the one I wanted to marry.
Posted by kingbob
Sorrento, LA
Member since Nov 2010
67116 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:14 pm to
Yeah, y’all are getting Evil twin and Trim Tab mixed up.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
48606 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:15 pm to
quote:

She did and continues to do a lot of projecting and uses the kids as a weapon (which makes me sick) against me still. 

Urghhh. My mom always did this and she cheated on him. Dad was the rock of the family. You couldn't make that man say a bad word about her to his children and still can't. All class imo
Posted by OWLFAN86
The OT has made me richer
Member since Jun 2004
175988 posts
Posted on 4/20/19 at 9:15 pm to
quote:

I'm not married. He was the one I wanted to marry.

why didnt he want to marry you?
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