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Posted on 1/10/22 at 9:57 am to thekid
Got more (fill in the blank) than Carter has liver pills.
This (fill in the blank) is tighter than Dick's hatband.
You know what they do in China when it rains? They let it rain.
This (fill in the blank) is tighter than Dick's hatband.
You know what they do in China when it rains? They let it rain.
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:04 am to thekid
Me: “I’m thirsty”
Mom: “I’m Friday. Come over Saturday and we’ll have a Sunday.”
Me: *seething*
Mom: “I’m Friday. Come over Saturday and we’ll have a Sunday.”
Me: *seething*
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:06 am to thekid
quote:
noisy as a herd of turtles
-that’s better than a sharp stick in the eye
Mom-God don’t like ugly
I use variations of those.
Off like a herd of turtles
Better than a kick in the nuts
God don't like ugly, that's why he loves me.
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:07 am to thekid
“The Golden Years are a myth.”
My Mom at 94.
My Mom at 94.
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:36 am to thekid
When asked if he wanted a gift/something for free my dad always responded with “hell I’ll watch a monkey frick a football for free”
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:37 am to thekid
I’m going to slap the pee (pea?) wine outta you
Was never brave enough to ask what pee (pea?) wine was
Was never brave enough to ask what pee (pea?) wine was
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:39 am to topdollarbill
quote:
Got more (fill in the blank) than Carter has liver pills.
I was well into adulthood before I googled the origin of that one. I always figured my mom was making fun of Jimmy Carter.
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:40 am to JackieTreehorn
quote:Dad: "Hi Thirsty, I'm Dad"
Me: “I’m thirsty”
Mom: “I’m Friday. Come over Saturday and we’ll have a Sunday.”
Me: *seething*
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:40 am to thekid
Context - I want to do something questionable/objectionable to my mom...
Me "Everyone is doing it mom."
Mom "If everyone jumped off the Mississippi River bridge would you do it?"
Me "Everyone is doing it mom."
Mom "If everyone jumped off the Mississippi River bridge would you do it?"
Posted on 1/10/22 at 10:41 am to thekid
My grandmother’s favorites…
“The truth will stand when the worlds on fire”
“You can want in one hand and shite in the other”
“MORE FEET ON THE FLOOR!!”
That last one was what she yelled to wake my brother and I up in the mornings to get ready for school.
“The truth will stand when the worlds on fire”
“You can want in one hand and shite in the other”
“MORE FEET ON THE FLOOR!!”
That last one was what she yelled to wake my brother and I up in the mornings to get ready for school.
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:10 am to thekid
Whenever my dad was proven right about something, "If i tell you that duck can pull a truck, then you better hook that motherducker up!"
Dad: "quit crying before I give you something to cry about"
Me: *Still crying*
Dad: *whoops me again*
Me: *Cries harder*
Rinse, repeat.
Mom whenever my brother or I said "huh". "Huh, Hoover, do I look like a vacuum to you?"
Once when my Godbrother was at our house. He made the mistake of saying huh. So she did her line. He made the bigger mistake of responding, "well, actually yes you do". Mom raised absolute hell on the poor kid.
Dad: "quit crying before I give you something to cry about"
Me: *Still crying*
Dad: *whoops me again*
Me: *Cries harder*
Rinse, repeat.
Mom whenever my brother or I said "huh". "Huh, Hoover, do I look like a vacuum to you?"
Once when my Godbrother was at our house. He made the mistake of saying huh. So she did her line. He made the bigger mistake of responding, "well, actually yes you do". Mom raised absolute hell on the poor kid.
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:16 am to thekid
"I'll whip your arse while you're on the phone with them" -my mom after I threatened to call the police on her for spanking me
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:18 am to Jor Jor The Dinosaur
quote:
Dad: "Hi Thirsty, I'm Dad"
My dad (when I was little) did this. Also, when some one would ask for a glass of tea, I'd say "I want some tea, too!" and he'd say, "I want some tea, three!"
My Mom (after calling me by my first and middle names):
"This bedroom looks like a cyclone hit it! Clean it up!"
"If you think you are going out and ratting the streets all night, you've got another think coming!"
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:19 am to texasmason
quote:
First you get the money, then you get the power, and the you get the respect." "The only thing you got in this world is your balls and your word and you don't break either them for anybody."
Your mom stole Scarface quotes?
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:20 am to thekid
The boy has lead in his arse
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:27 am to thekid
Dad - I'm gonna tear yo arse up if you don't straighten up.
Mom - I'm gonna tell your dad if you don't straighten up.
Me - I don't stand a chance of not getting my arse tore up.
Mom - I'm gonna tell your dad if you don't straighten up.
Me - I don't stand a chance of not getting my arse tore up.
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:34 am to Homesick Tiger
"He Jewed him down."
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:38 am to texasmason
quote:
The only thing you got in this world is your balls and your word and you don't break either them for anybody.
So is this a picture of your mom?
Posted on 1/10/22 at 11:54 am to thekid
when I was cutting up as a kid and ended up hurting myself, my mom would say "Unh huh. God doesn't punish with a stick".
I think that one was a rough English translation of a Cajun saying
I think that one was a rough English translation of a Cajun saying
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