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re: Questions for 50+ folks...
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:21 am to North Dallas Tiger
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:21 am to North Dallas Tiger
First, if you have kids, assess what your relationship is with them NOW because you want them to have good memories of home. Doesn't mean you don't discipline them. Go on a vacation and have fun memories as a family. Build relationship and memories. Keep disagreements with your spouse between you and her. Don't have full arguments in front of them. Second, you and your spouse spend time together without kids. Listen. Don't jump into "fix it" mode and blurt out what you know the answer is. Often, it's not the problem, it's HOW you approach the problem together and your response to it that matters. Third, have a work-life balance. Life blows by fast. Trust me. I'm 60. Fourthly, yes save money, but don't let it be an obsession. Your family is gold. Put them first. Fifthly, pray. Seek out your Creator. He is listening, and He knows what's on your mind. But it's about relationship not rituals, mental beliefs but relationship. Sixth, get a will in place. Put everything in a trust to keep the lawyers and court out of your estate after it's in place and your gone. Probate is nothing but a way for lawyers to bill your estate so there's less for your family.
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Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:21 am to mauser
quote:
If any of your Grandparents are alive get them to tell you their story, write it down, and review it with them after you've done that.
Last year, I got Storyworth for my mom in her 80s. It sends one question per week for a year. At the end, you can print a book with all of the responses. It was an awesome way to capture memories of her life, her parents, and her grandparents.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:25 am to litenin
quote:
Anyone achieved significant personal growth after age 50? Are you a much different person at 60/70 than you were at 50?
Not my own story but a family friend from church was a successful realtor from his early 20s to mid 50s. He decided to go back to school to become a nurse. Became a nurse a year or so before turning 60 and has been a geriatric nurse the last 8 years.
He told my parents he regretted being a realtor and only got into it because he grew up poor and believed he needed to get a job that would make him rich. By the time he got rich, he had become a Christian and was donating a lot to charities and ministries. He personally funded our youth mission trip to Costa Rica when I was in high school. Like 15 teenagers paid for just from him.
He felt obligated to continue making money because he thought money was the only way to be happy and accomplish things in life for himself or for others.
But he wished he had done more himself to help others instead of always financing it.
It sounds like he’s never felt more fulfilled than serving others as a nurse.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:31 am to North Dallas Tiger
If you do get in a bad marriage and it can’t be fixed, get out. You will miss seeing your kids everyday, but the damage your children suffer from being exposed to a toxic marriage isn’t worth it for them.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:32 am to litenin
quote:
Side question: Anyone achieved significant personal growth after age 50? Are you a much different person at 60/70 than you were at 50?
I'll be 55 this month, so not quite the 60/70 demographic, but three things in the last 5 years have been game changers: a CPAP, bloodwork, and the stock market.
Wife convinced me to do a sleep study and ever since I started using a CPAP at night, I sleep great and no longer wake up feeling like death warmed over. I got a new PCP who insisted we do some bloodwork labs. Sure, okay why not... turns out I had a pretty bad cholesterol issue and low T levels (inb4 "just need viagra baw") so I self inject testosterone and I feel better now than I did in my 30's. A friend who has baller money began teaching me a few things about how he plays the stock market and I've grown my 401k at a stupid rate with his advice and opened an individual account - started small, but it is gaining nicely. Wish I had taken the time to learn this shite 20 years ago.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:33 am to North Dallas Tiger
Don't be loyal to your employer. Anything not going right about your job, find a new one.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:40 am to cymark
It’s so hard to say I have regrets. We lived within our means and by doing so, didn’t get to take our kids on exotic vacations, or buy things we didn’t need. We went on reasonable trips and even a couple higher end ones like skiing. My wife, and I since 1992, haven’t paid any CC interest charges. That’s just wasted money.
I drove carpool for years from the burbs to the city for Catholic middle school and HS plus their extra curriculars. That kept and me from working out, but at 47 when my younger started driving himself to school, I started. I’m in better shape now than I was 10-20 years ago.
My house is nice, but not ideal. We’d love to have a bigger bathroom, bigger closet, etc; but as mostly empty nesters, we are spending money on travel and more investments. We did invest in a lot of improvements that were not covered by insurance after Ida.
I drove carpool for years from the burbs to the city for Catholic middle school and HS plus their extra curriculars. That kept and me from working out, but at 47 when my younger started driving himself to school, I started. I’m in better shape now than I was 10-20 years ago.
My house is nice, but not ideal. We’d love to have a bigger bathroom, bigger closet, etc; but as mostly empty nesters, we are spending money on travel and more investments. We did invest in a lot of improvements that were not covered by insurance after Ida.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 8:43 am to thatdude
quote:Worked at the same private firm since 1988.
Don't be loyal to your employer. Anything not going right about your job, find a new one.
In 36 years, obviously some “things” didn’t go right there.
But in the macro, things for me went really right by me staying there.
So your generalization is wrong to bail at the first negative.
Find the right employer in your field or if your field doesn’t have right employers, change fields to a field that has great places to work.
Or work for yourself if you dare/can.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 9:06 am to North Dallas Tiger
1.) At your age, what advice would you give yourself when you were in your 30's? Spend time with your kids while little. Don't miss their life for work.
2.) Wisest thing you did in your 30's? Bought a house
3.) Biggest regret from when you were in your 30's? I don't dwell on regrets but if I had to think of something I'd have liked to have socked a bit more away in my 401K in my 30s.
2.) Wisest thing you did in your 30's? Bought a house
3.) Biggest regret from when you were in your 30's? I don't dwell on regrets but if I had to think of something I'd have liked to have socked a bit more away in my 401K in my 30s.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 9:10 am to ericjs
Isn’t a 401k untouchable except owner and or beneficiaries? Didn’t know extra protection is needed. Thanks.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 9:33 am to mauser
quote:
If any of your Grandparents are alive get them to tell you their story, write it down, and review it with them after you've done that.
If your parents are still alive, do the same with them. Ask them about their parents if they aren't alive.
This x1000. I have sooo many things that I would love to talk to my parents/grandparents about. When you are younger you never think about these things but believe me, eventually you will and by that time, it very well may be too late. So much of my heritage I’ve lost never to be rediscovered.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 9:35 am to Dixie2023
quote:
Isn’t a 401k untouchable except owner and or beneficiaries?
I wish.....
Google "community property" & "QDRO"...
Tough to reach financial goals when you have to give half of everything away and start over.
CHOOSE YOUR SIGNIFICANT OTHER VERY WISELY...
Posted on 6/14/24 at 9:43 am to North Dallas Tiger
.
This post was edited on 6/27/24 at 11:23 pm
Posted on 6/14/24 at 9:50 am to North Dallas Tiger
I would give anyone in their thirties this advice- invest in your future. Put as much into retirement as you can without taking away from other areas. Find the balance. I'm 51 and I can fully retire in one year when my youngest graduates. I'm not sure that I will, but I'm liking going into the office less and less.
The other thing I'd tell someone in their 30s is that you'll be in your 50s in a blink of an eye. Spend as much time with family and kids as possible. I was lucky and realized this at a young age. Once you have kids, put the focus on them. The more time you spend with them, the more well-rounded they will turn out.
The other thing I'd tell someone in their 30s is that you'll be in your 50s in a blink of an eye. Spend as much time with family and kids as possible. I was lucky and realized this at a young age. Once you have kids, put the focus on them. The more time you spend with them, the more well-rounded they will turn out.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 10:31 am to North Dallas Tiger
Take your gross salary and multiply by 15%. Invest that and NEVER touch it. Live off the rest.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 10:46 am to Klondikekajun
Thank you. I kept my 401k in the divorce. It is in the decree, with a QDRO for a small amount that I offered. Kept my home, too (along with the mortgage, of course).
Posted on 6/14/24 at 10:55 am to terriblegreen
quote:
The other thing I'd tell someone in their 30s is that you'll be in your 50s in a blink of an eye
I'm not quite 50 but I will be in 3.5 years at this point. Feels like I was 35 yesterday.
The same with your children. It goes by in a blink. My youngest is 17 and it seems like she was elementary school a few years ago.
This post was edited on 6/14/24 at 10:56 am
Posted on 6/14/24 at 11:22 am to Foreskinski
quote:My experience is 180° out from this.
Live life to make yourself happy first.
The happiest I’ve ever been is in serving others.
You do you though.
Posted on 6/14/24 at 12:09 pm to North Dallas Tiger
1. SAVE!!! Exercise!!! Appreciate time with family, especially elderly
2. Actively helped raise my kids
3. I focused more on the past and future than the present. Still do.
As for personal growth after 50, I found myself (now that the kids are gone) being more reflective, self-critical but honestly evaluating how I treated others, the good and bad I did, and ultimately, trying to be better. In your 20s-40s you're just trying to get through the days at home and work. Now, I have to live with it. It's not so bad.
2. Actively helped raise my kids
3. I focused more on the past and future than the present. Still do.
As for personal growth after 50, I found myself (now that the kids are gone) being more reflective, self-critical but honestly evaluating how I treated others, the good and bad I did, and ultimately, trying to be better. In your 20s-40s you're just trying to get through the days at home and work. Now, I have to live with it. It's not so bad.
This post was edited on 6/14/24 at 12:13 pm
Posted on 6/14/24 at 12:23 pm to litenin
quote:
Side question: Anyone achieved significant personal growth after age 50? Are you a much different person at 60/70 than you were at 50?
If yes, was it a life event that created the change or was the growth simply from effort?
It took me until I was 51 to realize that work/life balance was a real thing and I needed to get some. I traveled 200+ days annually and barely knew my (now) 13 year old child. Two years ago, I walked away from that life and I am better for it. I work remotely full time and don't miss anything family oriented anymore.
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