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re: Question for the married men
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:10 am to AwgustaDawg
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:10 am to AwgustaDawg
quote:
a couple of lifelong friends I see every couple of years and talk to maybe a couple of times a year
Is that really considered being friends though?
1
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:11 am to tigerjjs
It’s natural to devote time to your wife and family, so if it happens and feels loving, by all means do that. I certainly did, you couldn’t pull me away from my kids. The issue though, is does she TRY to isolate you?
Anybody who has dealt with a narcissistic spouse ( men are statistically a bit worse) will tell you, she (or he) will isolate you from everyone and everything. Even your closest family. She will hover over your social media and stalk your OT posts and computer history. Then the kids grow up and you have no family and friends and you look over and you realize you have one malevolent person and little else. I have the benefit of age and know many men this has happened to.
Anybody who has dealt with a narcissistic spouse ( men are statistically a bit worse) will tell you, she (or he) will isolate you from everyone and everything. Even your closest family. She will hover over your social media and stalk your OT posts and computer history. Then the kids grow up and you have no family and friends and you look over and you realize you have one malevolent person and little else. I have the benefit of age and know many men this has happened to.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:15 am to tigerjjs
Best to have a good marriage and a few REALLY good buddies.
Once you throw kids into the mix, you priorities change (and they should), so hanging out with the guys is far less important.
That said, when you do get to have a guys' weekend or just get together for a game, it is more fun.
On that note, put at least as much time into doing something with the wife as you do getting together with your buddies. Again, once kids get into the mix, it is REAL easy for both of you to get into mommy/daddy mode and pay less attention to being husband/wife.
It's a balancing act, but it is imperative that you make the effort. Marriage is only as good as the effort you put into it.
ETA: Post is based on experience. Mrs. Mtntiger and I are about to celebrate 25 years of marriage. Renewing our vows this weekend in Palm Springs.
Once you throw kids into the mix, you priorities change (and they should), so hanging out with the guys is far less important.
That said, when you do get to have a guys' weekend or just get together for a game, it is more fun.
On that note, put at least as much time into doing something with the wife as you do getting together with your buddies. Again, once kids get into the mix, it is REAL easy for both of you to get into mommy/daddy mode and pay less attention to being husband/wife.
It's a balancing act, but it is imperative that you make the effort. Marriage is only as good as the effort you put into it.
ETA: Post is based on experience. Mrs. Mtntiger and I are about to celebrate 25 years of marriage. Renewing our vows this weekend in Palm Springs.
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 8:18 am
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:18 am to AwgustaDawg
quote:
I have a fantastic marriage and other than a couple of lifelong friends I see every couple of years and talk to maybe a couple of times a year I don't have, need nor want any friends.
This is pretty much where I’m at. That’s not to say either of us are completely cut off from the world. But as far as hanging out with other people, it’s just not something either of us are really interested in doing. And if we are hanging out with other people 99% of the time is either my MIL (she’s awesome) or our Sunday School class.
FWIW, we’ve been married 27 years.
ETA: we also both enjoy our time alone. As most here know, I love spending my weekend working on a model in my model room. Usually Mrs. Vader will either go to the beauty parlor with her mom and our daughter, or she will work on a puzzle in her puzzle room. With Spring around the corner she and our daughter will be tending their garden soon.
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 8:21 am
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:20 am to tigerjjs
A good marriage and a few good friends
If you're in a bad marriage that bunch of buddies is gonna get tired of your bitching about your bitch
If you're in a bad marriage that bunch of buddies is gonna get tired of your bitching about your bitch
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:21 am to tigerjjs
What does your husband think?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:22 am to tigerjjs
I'm 51 and only hang with golf buddies these days. I hang out with my wife and son mostly around the house. I'm at the "piddle" age. Just like piddling around the house. I'm lazy and doing stuff with friends takes too much time and effort.... 
I do miss hanging with them sometimes. I'm that guy that when we're at a party or something, I'm in that real socialable mood to hang and we end up making plans with people, then the time comes and I'd rather sit home and relax cause I'm back to that lazy mode...
I do miss hanging with them sometimes. I'm that guy that when we're at a party or something, I'm in that real socialable mood to hang and we end up making plans with people, then the time comes and I'd rather sit home and relax cause I'm back to that lazy mode...
This post was edited on 3/27/24 at 8:25 am
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:33 am to tigerjjs
I have both
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:45 am to RockyMtnTigerWDE
One of the great things about growing up and staying in small towns is you can have a good marriage and good mutual married friends where the kids hang together also. Makes gatherings fun for all. And also a couple old buddies to have a few beers with
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:45 am to tylerlsu2008
quote:
Of course good marriage and few friends. Hell, when I wasn’t married, I still only wanted to hang out with a hand full of people.
You laugh but i have a few buddies with shitty marriages(or wives just don't give a shite) that always want to hang out but i have to always tell them i can't
and i'm not going to lie it sucks sometimes bc i want toThis post was edited on 3/27/24 at 8:46 am
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:52 am to tigerjjs
Grown men don't need friends.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:53 am to tigerjjs
Damn this is a stupid question even for here. Which is better...good or bad?
Posted on 3/27/24 at 8:58 am to tigerjjs
In my experience it's never about the number of friends; it's how many times you are trying to hang out with them instead of her, or the kids, and the type of guys those friends are.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:11 am to tigerjjs
If you have to pick one, the former. Thats where I'm at. Happy with my spouse and tend to be in a bubble with her as my best friend. But do enjoy a night w the guys once in a while.
Like last Sat night, my buddy knew I was hanging in the garage and stopped by. We watched the baseball team implode against FU, then Ore-Creighton overtimes while drinking some IPA's. Blasted tunes then took the Jeep out into the mud. Wife fell asleep in front of the tube.
I will tell you that as for me, i'm good interacting with fewer and fewer people as I get older. I'm good w peace and quiet and no drama.
Like last Sat night, my buddy knew I was hanging in the garage and stopped by. We watched the baseball team implode against FU, then Ore-Creighton overtimes while drinking some IPA's. Blasted tunes then took the Jeep out into the mud. Wife fell asleep in front of the tube.
I will tell you that as for me, i'm good interacting with fewer and fewer people as I get older. I'm good w peace and quiet and no drama.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:20 am to diat150
Best case scenario
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:22 am to tigerjjs
I'm a loner, a rebel. I told my SO when we met, you don't wanna get mixed up with a guy like me.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:24 am to tigerjjs
Thanks for all the replies!
To be clear, I do have some buddies that I hang out with on occasion it’s just not as much as it used to be.
To be clear, I do have some buddies that I hang out with on occasion it’s just not as much as it used to be.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:27 am to Bard
quote:
enjoying your partner's company enough to want to be around them more often than you want to be around others.
On the OT, this seems to be a lost concept. I see thread after thread, post after post, about not getting sex for months at a time. Why would these guys want to be around their spouse if they're not even getting those basic needs met.
But I agree with you. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend, so why wouldn't you want to hang around with them as much as you can.
All kidding aside, I feel bad for a lot of the posters here that seem to want to be with their guy friends more than their spouse. Why even get married? And I'm not saying you shouldn't have other friends, but your spouse should be at the top of that list.
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:28 am to tigerjjs
quote:
a bad marriage
is never a good thing. no matter how many friends you have
Posted on 3/27/24 at 9:29 am to tigerjjs
quote:
Is it better to have a good marriage and few male friends or a bad marriage and many friends? I am in the first category, and I must admit I do miss hanging out with the guys sometimes. Thoughts?
A good marriage is always something to shoot for if you are married or thinking about getting married.
To answer the rest of your question some details need to be added like; are your friends independent and mutually exclusive of your marriage and wife? Will she have the same type of friend relationships? How often are these "friends" times taking place in a given month.
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