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re: Question about relationships, economic advantage of one party, and chores
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:42 pm to SlowFlowPro
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:42 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
kind of why i made the thread
i want more female posters to respond b/c i think they won't see this as fair, or right, or....something
Ok, I'm female. There are times when my guy has to work 7/12s (7 days a week, 12 hours a day) for weeks. That's pretty much like working 2 jobs. (Other times he may be off of work completely for a few weeks)
We are a team. I know that the money he makes will be invested in our home and our life so I do happily take over everything in the house so that he can focus on work and sleep.
I also won't be a bitch and complain that he is never home or doesn't pay attention to me because I know damn well he is busting his arse working overtime for US.
It's always about us being a team and not a competition or a fairness issue. Luckily we both greatly appreciate the other and we enjoy doing things for each other.
Granted, I do not work outside the home BUT I do contribute financially from my savings to invest in big things like a house, an RV, etc that enhance our life. So we have no mortgage or credit card debt for him to worry about.
I don't work any longer due to my health. So sometimes I have dips in health that leave me as weak and tired as if I had been working 7/12s. In those times he completely takes over and handles everything.
0
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:43 pm to LSUBoo
quote:
He doesn't seem like the joint accounts for everything type.
Yeah...that would be hard to imagine, wouldn't it?
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:47 pm to GeauxTigerTM
quote:
If it's marriage, then unless they've got a system very unlike mine, there is only OURS. there are no MY shores and HER chores...there's just CHORES.
We aren't married and chores are still just.. chores.
I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who purposely avoided my laundry or left dishes in the sink because that's "my chore".
quote:
So if I was to decide to pay for chores to be done in the house, there would be no possibility of picking and choosing to only pay to have mine outsourced and not hers. Even suggesting there is a defined separation in them seems odd to me.
Unless her chores are something a maid doesn't normally do, I don't even know how you'd go about this.
"Okay, Yesenia.. Now I need you to mop the floor, but don't sweep it first because that's her chore. I need you to wash the dishes, but leave them on the mat to put away because that's her chore."
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:47 pm to GeauxTigerTM
quote:
Not really in the way you seem to be describing. Both my wife and I are huge list makers, so we both tend to do that with chores. There are things which I do most of the time and things she does most of the time...but none are assigned per se. It would be rare that we'd wright the same things down, but if we did and she got to a thing before me I'd just move on down my list...and vice versa.
So, if tomorrow I decided to tell her I'd be outsourcing MY chores, her response would be, "Exactly what do you think are MY chores?"
Most yard work would not really follow this rule though,. since I'm 100% responsible for that...so if I decided to hire some yard company it would not change any other duty. I'd still be doing whatever it is I do around the house and so would she.
This is pretty much how our household works. We clean together most weekends. Probably about 95% of the time I clean the bathrooms and dust and he will clean the kitchen and things I can't reach. Then one person vacuums while the other mops. We can get the whole thing done in a couple hours without really having to delegate who is going to do what. We both know what needs to get done.
Yard work is 100% on him, but I'd be ok if he wanted to pay someone to do it because I don't want to help.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:51 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who purposely avoided my laundry or left dishes in the sink because that's "my chore".
I get aggravated when my wife cuts the grass...If im not paying someone to do it, I want to do it myself because im very meticulous about the yard.....but low and behold, I'll come home and she and the kids will be out there choppin it up....I dont have the heart to tell her not to do it so I just go grab a beer and go inside and watch TV.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:51 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
This is pretty much how our household works. We clean together most weekends. Probably about 95% of the time I clean the bathrooms and dust and he will clean the kitchen and things I can't reach. Then one person vacuums while the other mops. We can get the whole thing done in a couple hours without really having to delegate who is going to do what. We both know what needs to get done.
Yard work is 100% on him, but I'd be ok if he wanted to pay someone to do it because I don't want to help.
Pretty much exactly...
And, we really like doing it. We enjoy doing stuff like that together. I mean, we got married because we enjoy each other after all.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:55 pm to SlowFlowPro
Yeah I noticed it came up.
I don't know what to tell you. I don't want my girl c lean ing toilets and tubs if she don't want. I want her keeping interesting and hot. So if I can help her with money I made from a hobby the that's what Imma do and not cause problems over a simple fix.
I don't know what to tell you. I don't want my girl c lean ing toilets and tubs if she don't want. I want her keeping interesting and hot. So if I can help her with money I made from a hobby the that's what Imma do and not cause problems over a simple fix.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:55 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
i think a joint contribution account and separate accounts is the most successful way to go
So, each have your own accounts, and you each contribute to half of the bills in a joint account?
You don't think there would be a bit a resentment if I drove around in a Mercedes because I could afford it, and my wife only drove a Toyota Camry because that's all she could afford?
Or, am I misunderstanding what you mean by joint contribution account?
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:56 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
so on Saturday when you get down to doing chores, you don't split them up?
Maybe it's just because we both have flexible schedules and can do chores as they need to be done rather than saving them up for some arbitrary day, but I am unfamiliar with this "Saturday cleaning".
Saturday is for having fun.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 1:58 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who purposely avoided my laundry or left dishes in the sink because that's "my chore".
This
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:00 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
I can't imagine being in a relationship with someone who purposely avoided my laundry or left dishes in the sink because that's "my chore".
How about this one? Mrs. Midnight would prefer I not mess around with the laundry or dishes because it makes more work for her. So, I'm actually doing her a favor by staying out of her business. If I fold a batch of towels, she typically refolds them.
So, our division of labor is shockingly similar to a suburban American household, circa 1958. And I'm 100% fine with that.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:01 pm to Epic Cajun
quote:
So, each have your own accounts, and you each contribute to half of the bills in a joint account?
I think the more equitable way to do it is to each contribute based on income percentages. We didn't sit down and calculate an exact split, but that's how we loosely figured it. I give him X amount per month, and he pays everything. We have similar amounts leftover, and save jointly and separately.
I don't think this would really work in relationships where one person earns significantly more than the other. You'd end up with different standards of living, as you mentioned.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:03 pm to Ace Midnight
quote:
How about this one? Mrs. Midnight would prefer I not mess around with the laundry or dishes because it makes more work for her. So, I'm actually doing her a favor by staying out of her business. If I fold a batch of towels, she typically refolds them.
I would rather my wife not load the dishwasher because I always have to go behind her and organize the dishes....
She would rather me not wash or fold clothes because I apparently dont know what I'm doing
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:04 pm to SlowFlowPro
quote:
i think a joint contribution account and separate accounts is the most successful way to go
I think this is probably the best practice under a wide variety of circumstances:
1. One or both parties have sufficient family/outside resources to justify a separate property regime (then almost mandatory)
2. 2nd or more marriage/long-term relationship of either/both.
3. Marrying later in life (say, after mid-30s)
But, 2 stupid kids who don't have shite when they get married? Your suggestion is almost certain to sew the seeds of the doom of that relationship later.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:06 pm to Evil Little Thing
quote:
I think the more equitable way to do it is to each contribute based on income percentages. We didn't sit down and calculate an exact split, but that's how we loosely figured it. I give him X amount per month, and he pays everything. We have similar amounts leftover, and save jointly and separately.
I don't think this would really work in relationships where one person earns significantly more than the other. You'd end up with different standards of living, as you mentioned.
We just throw both of our checks in the joint checking and pay bills (and expenses) and put money in the savings from there. Then, we each get an equal "allowance" in our personal accounts that we can do whatever we want with.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:07 pm to Ace Midnight
quote:
How about this one? Mrs. Midnight would prefer I not mess around with the laundry or dishes because it makes more work for her. So, I'm actually doing her a favor by staying out of her business. If I fold a batch of towels, she typically refolds them.
The old Everybody Loves Raymond “I’m too stupid to do household chores” bit. Nice, it worked for me too, until my wife saw that episode.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:10 pm to nes2010
quote:
The old Everybody Loves Raymond “I’m too stupid to do household chores” bit. Nice, it worked for me too, until my wife saw that episode.
Yep.
Do what works for you, but a grown adult who doesn't have a mental disorder should be able to fold some clothes or wash some dishes properly. Nothing wrong with one partner being good at one thing, and one at another.. but there's something wrong if either one of you physically cannot do a basic chore that requires no large amount of strength or mental power.
If your wife is so particular that she refuses to let you do it, more power to you/her. I'll happily allow some less than perfect folded towels go into my cabinet if it means I don't have to fold every towel myself.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:14 pm to nes2010
quote:
The old Everybody Loves Raymond “I’m too stupid to do household chores” bit. Nice, it worked for me too, until my wife saw that episode.
My first husband had been so pampered by his mom that he couldn't even do his own laundry and plead ignorance on household chores. That worked for him for a while.
But then I pointed out that if he was smart enough to fly a plane , he could certainly master the complexities of a washing machine and dryer.
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:16 pm to LouisianaLady
quote:
If your wife is so particular that she refuses to let you do it, more power to you/her.
Thank you.
And, full disclosure, Mrs. Midnight has held a job for about 11 of our 30 years of marriage - and is coming up on 10 straight years of leisure. Which is nice.
(ETA: As to the competency thing - I often have to remind her that I've lived on my own on 3 continents - she moved out of her parents' house and into mine.
) This post was edited on 6/6/18 at 2:18 pm
Posted on 6/6/18 at 2:20 pm to Ace Midnight
What's hers is hers and whats mine is ours. Happy wife happy life.
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