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re: Office Bathroom Horror Stories

Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:40 pm to
Posted by td01241
Savannah
Member since Nov 2012
22848 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:40 pm to
I'm sure that happened
Posted by Centinel
Idaho
Member since Sep 2016
43337 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:42 pm to
quote:

I'm sure that happened



Being from Bama myself, I know damn well it did
Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
113946 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:44 pm to
quote:

my first two jobs happened to be in older/small buildings where the bathroom was right up on someone's office/desk.. so they could hear everyone use the bathroom and smell everything if it was that type of deal.


I was on a project in which the build was quickly turned into an office and my office was on side of my boss's office, which was next to the bathroom. SInce it was a quick conversion, someone messed up the ventilation so when someone had to do more than pee.. the smell would come into the offices. His was the worst. And since he was right next to it he could hear people in there as well. Mine wasn't nearly as bad, if I kept the door open it was semi-tolerable.. But you are right. It's something to keep in mind because I know.. For me, that is not something I would get use of.
Posted by LsuGuy'n'TexasDB9
Austin,Texas
Member since Sep 2012
3 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:45 pm to
it absolutely happened. i lived in auburn opelika area for about 15 years and i can't even count how many ridiculous things and events prompted several different variations of a roll tide or war eagle immediately after. like folks in church saying amen or halleleujah.
This post was edited on 10/20/17 at 3:46 pm
Posted by TDsngumbo
Alpha Silverfox
Member since Oct 2011
41596 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:45 pm to
I walked into my office restroom one day to find that the previous occupant, a female customer, was apparently pissed at us and decided she'd "get back" at us by pulling her pants down, bending over, and simultaneously farting with diarrhea and spinning around.

It was like a scene out of a horror movie. There was liquid shite still dripping down the walls, off the sink, all over the toilet and floor. I gagged and slowly backed out of there making sure I didn't touch a thing. After I got out of there, I closed the door, turned around, and made an announcement to the office that somebody sprayed the bathroom with liquid shite. Nobody believed me and of course, had to go see for themselves.

It was disgusting, hilarious, and kind of impressive at the same time. The receptionist knew who it was because she had just been talking to this customer a few minutes before. Apparently she was bitching about service or some shite, kept farting while in her office, then asked for the restroom. She never finished her conversation - she just walked out of the restroom after and left.

She died a couple years later.

100% true story.
Posted by CaptSpaulding
Member since Feb 2012
6505 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:45 pm to
quote:

This one dude down the hall this week walked in our community floor bathroom while on the phone.


Several people in our building do this. My new thing is to flush the toilet when I hear them so whoever they are talking to knows where they are.
Posted by Mingo Was His NameO
Brooklyn
Member since Mar 2016
25455 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:45 pm to
We have independent contractor IT guys that are Indian. They bring like a potluck of food every day for lunch. As in wach guy brings one dish and they all share. And they take like a 2 hour lunch break every day. Anyway, they eat that stinky Indian food so you can imagine. Everytime o go piss one of them is in the bathroom. Never fails.
Posted by SamuelClemens
Earth
Member since Feb 2015
11727 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:46 pm to
Went out to eat one Sunday brunch. Bunch of kids hanging out being loud in the men's room. I went in a stall and started making loud grunting noises, then used a fake Slavic accent and spoke a few Slavic words. Praying to God to help me and grunting and making fart noises. The room went silent and then they all started laughing and bolted out. I did my business in peace. Washed up and came out and they were sitting at a near table and all pointing and laughing and talking to their families. I smiled and bowed and raised my hands in the air and said, "Grrreat success!" They all exploded laughing!
Posted by Fewer Kilometers
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
36050 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:48 pm to
Women are horrifying. Manage a business for a month and you'll find that the complaints about the women's room are the worst.

1) Had a woman who refused to sit on the toilet seat, so she would hover her arse over it and spray everywhere.

2) Had a woman complain that the women's room toilet "clogged way too easily", so she switched the signs on the two restrooms, swapping Men's for Women's. Then she said that BOTH toilets mysteriously clogged after she released her humongous turds and then wiped her arse with a full roll of toilet paper.

3) Then you have the feminine hygiene products thrown on the floor after use.
Posted by Martini
Near Athens
Member since Mar 2005
48838 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:52 pm to
quote:



Get wet wipes. Much more pleasant experience.




Two things about this. First I want my arse dry not wet and second I attempted this once at a friends as there was a limited amount of toilet paper left which I figured I would use for the dry part. Yeah, well who the frick keeps Clorox with bleach wipes next to the toilet? My arse burned for a week.

But it was squeaky clean.
Posted by Loubacca
sittin on the dock of the bay
Member since Feb 2005
4019 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:52 pm to
My office is right on the other side of the wall from a private bathroom of one our company executives. This dude got his gall bladder out so he always drives when we go out to lunch so he can do 85 on the way back to the office to make it back in time for his after lunch explosion. As soon as he walks through the door he fast walks to his bathroom and it's like the air can't escape the bowl fast enough from the force. If I don't turn my music on, I can hear all the explosive details. I'm waiting to see what will happen if we catch a train or get behind a wreck one day. Ole baw will probably break into a cold sweat and shite his pants.
Posted by Fewer Kilometers
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2007
36050 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:53 pm to
I also had a guy who would cover the entire toilet seat and tank with toilet paper before he would sit. Then leave all of the paper there after.

I had to sit outside of the restroom all morning, checking after everyone used it, to find out who the a-hole was. Of course, he was offended that I "intruded on his space" by checking his bathroom habits.
Posted by JoePepitone
Waffle House #1494
Member since Feb 2014
10573 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:55 pm to
My Dad never let the truth get in the way of a good story. He said that as a young boy he had to go in the woods and accidentally used poison ivy for toilet paper.
Posted by LSU_Smash_the_West
Nawwwlins
Member since Jan 2016
1568 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:57 pm to
I work construction so I seen tons of horrible stuff.. shite smeared on bathroom stalls. I seen toilet paper stuck to the walls that had shite all over the paper. The biggest issues are the Mexican workers don’t realize they should throw the TP down the toilet so they wipe there asses and drop the shitty paper in the corner.. Also you get the dope sick diarrhea shite spray all over the toilets because they shitting water because they haven’t had there fix in a minute. And the porta potties lawddddd don’t get me started you couldn’t pay me to shite in one of those..



Construction really does stink!!
Posted by ImAComanche
Member since Sep 2017
1207 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 3:58 pm to
This reminds me of the saying "Why is it okay for you to be an arsehole (or shitehead for the purposes of this thread), but it's not okay for me to point it out?".
Posted by Wermanium
Member since Apr 2016
754 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 4:09 pm to
About a year ago, in the bathroom on my wife's floor at work they had some girl who would shite on the floor about once a week. It went on for about two months and they never did figure out who it was. Not on accident either, it was deliberate.
Posted by boxcarbarney
Above all things, be a man
Member since Jul 2007
22732 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 4:12 pm to
When I was managing a Blockbuster Video, there was a coffee shop next door. Every Saturday night, close to closing time, this 500 pound man would come in with his 600 pound retarded son. He would always ask for the bathroom key. His son would then use his arse canon to completely destroy the bathroom that had already been cleaned. Apparently this jackass was letting his son drink coffee all night, so by the time the came to rent a video, the kid had a hot one loaded and ready to fire. I don't know why they didn't pollute the coffee shop's bathroom instead.

I'm actually kind of weirded out by the number of awful bathroom stories I have...
Posted by JoePepitone
Waffle House #1494
Member since Feb 2014
10573 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 4:12 pm to
I worked in a steel fab shop years ago. We had a guy who would go in the restroom and drop a massive, single turd in the toilet. No smaller stragglers or toilet paper. No one could figure out how he could accomplish this feat. Just one huge, solid chunk.

Shop foreman would make shop doofus go in there and bust it up with a welding rod into small enough pieces to flush.
Posted by Martini
Near Athens
Member since Mar 2005
48838 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 4:12 pm to
This guy had a problem in a restaurant

An old one but fitting for the thread.
Posted by Jake88
Member since Apr 2005
68225 posts
Posted on 10/20/17 at 4:12 pm to
quote:

Had my gallbladder removed a while back and the Doc jacked up my surgery. Now I poo 4+ times a day

How do you know he messed up the surgery. An increase in frequency of crapping is a well known side effect to gall bladder removal.
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