re: Office Bathroom Horror Stories

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I had to put a sign up one time when we shared the floor with some other companies.

It started with:

"Attention Space Aliens. Since you are unfamiliar with our human bodily waste disposal systems..."

And went on to pretty much ask them not to leave shite in the toilet, to pick up toilet paper (used) that they drop on the floor. If they have shite on the seat, to get the chlorox wipes (which were in the bathroom ) and clean it up. If they piss on the seat, to either clean it with the chlorox wipes, or, amazingly just lift the seat before they piss. To wash their hands, etc.

It actually improved for awhile. Must have shamed some of those a-holes into being human for a little while.

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Had a similar situation at my last job. Worked for a government contractor, and we had a pretty swanky/artsy looking office for what it was. The bathrooms were awesome. The mens room had two urinals, and two stalls with floor to ceiling doors on them. We didn't get clients in there often, and most of the time when we did they were just military guys. But apparently some big wig came down for a site visit, and for some reason the owner gave him a tour of the whole place, including the restrooms. I guess he was proud of them or something.

That afternoon, there was a printed note taped above each urinal and on the door of each stall. I forget the specific wording, but it said something like:

Attention Barn Animals, while recently giving a tour to Mr XYZ, I encountered something I never thought I would see while working with a group of professional, college educated employees. Some poor soul left 10 lbs of Beans and Barbecue in the toilet, unflushed. The aroma nearly knocked me down upon opening the restroom door. We have plungers in each stall for a reason. If you do not know how to use one, come see me privately and I will educate you on their intended use, and if necessary, give you a demonstration. Also, there was enough water splashed on the sinks to fill a child's swimming pool. Surely your wives would not allow this type of poor bathroom etiquette at home, and I will not tolerate it here.


And the only reason I remember him using Beans and Barbecue is because that Friday we were having a company BBQ to celebrate something, and half the men were looking around at each other, sort of nauseous and unable to eat after such a description had been in the bathrooms all week.

They like to send firecrackers under the bathroom door at my work. It makes a mess when you're trying to pinch one off in a hurry while at the same time blocking under the door with your feet and shooing away the water dynamite with your shoes so they dont burn your pants. Loud as frick too

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I was on a project in which the build was quickly turned into an office and my office was on side of my boss's office, which was next to the bathroom. SInce it was a quick conversion, someone messed up the ventilation so when someone had to do more than pee.. the smell would come into the offices. His was the worst. And since he was right next to it he could hear people in there as well. Mine wasn't nearly as bad, if I kept the door open it was semi-tolerable.. But you are right. It's something to keep in mind because I know.. For me, that is not something I would get use of.

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Had an old job where I had to go down to Auburn some. Small CPA firm I worked for at the time in Birmingham merged with one in Auburn. I had to go down several times and help the staff there. My first day there, we left Birmingham that morning, got there around 11, and got all set up. They decided to take us to lunch first, and of course picked a local Mexican place. When we get back, I had to blow it up. I just asked the receptionist where the restroom was and told her I had missed it that morning. I go in, do my business, come out 10 minutes later, and walk right into this once vacant room where all of my coworkers had set up their laptops. I'm sure they heard the entire episode. I made sure to poop at the hotel the rest of the week.

My old job had an in house credit union. It was set-up as a walk up window in the hallway right next to a bathroom. The bathroom was completely tiled floor to ceiling so there was great acoustics. While standing there signing some paper work I hear some big time back firing coming from the bathroom. I look up at the lady and she says we hear that all day. I could barely sign my name from holding back laughs.

I have done that when the struggle is real. Sweating like a mofo. "come on.....ugh......got damn....what the frick.....ugh......come on dude..... ugh....ugh,ugh......um, um....damn,..you mother fricker....oh god!.....please"

I worked in a Mexican restaurant. Wednesday was chimichanga night. Mid shift I developed an intense bout of the bubble guts, entirely unrelated to chimichangas. Instead of making it to the back restroom, I had to destroy the customers bathroom. I'm talking sounds, smells, heavy breathing, etc.

I walk out post event, make eye contact with the only other gentleman there who looks like he's seen a ghost and say "don't eat the chimi bro".

Walk past him later... the poor bastard had a chimi on his plate

OP is a bathroom creeper.

There's nothing quite like taking a shite in a portable open-air john on the 63rd floor of a 65-floor, unfinished-yet-topped-out high rise construction. No windows on the facade yet, just the open breeze. I speak of the mothballed Fontainebleau Las Vegas, where I once worked as a safety carpenter before the financial shite-storm of late 2008 and early 2009.

Men and women had to use them. Everyone can walk by and see your feet and if they were tall enough, could poke their heads over the top to laugh at you. God forbid if one of your crew figured out you were in there

Used to go to Talladega in the 80's and would go into the infield to watch the race. Back then, there were a couple of permanent restrooms and very few porta johns. By late afternoon, there would be about a 4" layer of "liquid" over the floor. You would see dumbasses walk in there barefoot. Very disgusting. We just backed up next a truck if we had to go

At a National Guard drill weekend in Alexandria some portopotties were provided for our use. It was from this experience that I developed an extreme aversion to them.

I had my usual footlong Subway sandwich the night before. Going into the pottie and seeing the blue water down in it I thought it would be a routine birthing. But my log bellyflopped and a Hiroshima like mushroom cloud of vaporized blue water basted my nether region. That was 20 years ago. To this day Im disgusted by it.