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Started By
Message
re: My parents are in their late 70’s and refuse to create a will
Posted on 4/28/26 at 10:57 am to Tifway419
Posted on 4/28/26 at 10:57 am to Tifway419
quote:
You’d think this, but too often things go sideways and it splits families apart.
It’s usually because one sibling is driven, successful, and financially stable. And the other is lazy, got some bad breaks along the way, and feels entitled to more than their fair share and holds resentment when the successful one just wants an even split.
Some friends are going through this right now. Their wife's mom died without a will and his wife and her two siblings are basically at war right now over the house. My friends are in good financial shape and live multiple states away, one of the siblings lives on the west coast is in a similar situation. The middle sibling is a total wreck and wants the house, where the other two just want to sell it and split the proceeds three ways.
The deadbeat wants to buy the other two out, but only wants to pay 2/3rds of what their mom paid for the house in 1985, not the current value and is mad that the other two siblings aren't helping them out because they are in good shape and he's not. Now they've hired lawyers and are going to end up spending thousands of dollars, there wasn't much inheritance, so likely end up consuming all that was left to them in a legal battle over the house, when a simple $250 document would have cleared it all up.
0
Posted on 4/28/26 at 10:58 am to HoustonGumbeauxGuy
quote:
They don’t have loads of money or a bunch of assets, but there are several of us siblings who will be standing with our dicks in our hands if we don’t have something to go by.
My understanding is that if one parent dies, the surviving spouse gets 50% and the remaining 50% is split evenly among all the kids. And the surviving spouse gets usufruct of the house. If all your siblings all get along well and agree that you'll just sell everything and split the proceeds, then it probably won't be so bad. But all it takes is one sibling to be a pain in the arse or for there to be family heirlooms or sentimental items that more than one sibling wants to claim.
But even if yall agree to just sell everything and split the money after, it would still help to have a will just so there's one person that's designated as the executor and have legal decision making authority. Avoids disputes about crap like planning to sell the house, but one sibling insisting on listing it through their sister-in-law who just got her real estate license last week.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:04 am to HoustonGumbeauxGuy
As parents, you are punishing your children if you don't get your estate in order. They may have the misguided belief that it is about greed and kids wanting their stuff, but it is not. Without a will in place, settling the estate will have to go through more hoops and steps and that will cost you in legal fees. Even if you don't want anything, things have to get settled whether you want something or not.
Bluntly tell them by not getting their affairs in order it is an action by lack of action that shows they don't give a crap about you and are selfish pricks. (Tell them I said that, not you)
Bluntly tell them by not getting their affairs in order it is an action by lack of action that shows they don't give a crap about you and are selfish pricks. (Tell them I said that, not you)
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:15 am to Tifway419
quote:
You’d think this, but too often things go sideways and it splits families apart.
This is true. Can also be true is there's adult grandchildren involved as well (I'm seeing this with my Grandmother right now). She's begun giving things away because one of my cousins has openly "suggested" that she receive my Grandmother's house and other items that she could potentially sell off even though in her will the house is to be divided up between the grandchildren (there are three of us at this point).
I tell her all of the time she needs to make sure that will is good and updated because there's almost certainly going to be some underhanded shite go down. And my Uncle, who's the executor, has his own issues that doesn't lead me to believe it'll be handled well.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:17 am to hubertcumberdale
My dad/stepmom and mom/stepdad had wills made years ago and gave all the kids a copy.
They're pretty basic just saying everything is split equally between the kids when both spouses pass. But at least they were responsible and came to the realization that we are all going to die.
I'm pretty sure there's nothing we're going to argue about; we're all responsible and extremely laid-back people.
They're pretty basic just saying everything is split equally between the kids when both spouses pass. But at least they were responsible and came to the realization that we are all going to die.
I'm pretty sure there's nothing we're going to argue about; we're all responsible and extremely laid-back people.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:19 am to RolltidePA
In Louisiana, with or without a will, a succession proceeding will have to be opened so there will be lawyers and court costs involved no matter what - the will simply dictates how the property will be split up once the succession proceeding is opened - doing an online will presents its own set of problems because Louisiana's laws governing the form requirements for wills can be tricky - if you really want a will, spend a little money up front to get a lawyer to do it - should not be that expensive
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:20 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:
BluegrassBelle
Kentucky law has 30K next of kin exclusion (unless they changed that KRS)
He would be "intestate" but if you need help, ask Chicken to send my current email and will do what I can. Some thoughts, just not the conversation for here and my old email may no longer work.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:21 am to BluegrassBelle
See post above, have good suggestion
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:21 am to kywildcatfanone
quote:
Sit them down and explain how a will can keep your family from fighting over whatever they have left. Went through that and it was awful.
The only reason to not have a will is if you don't like your children.
Sincerely,
Dave Ramsey
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:22 am to GeauxldMember
quote:
I presume they don’t have burial/cremation plans set, either?
Nothing. They told us that they wanna be cremated verbally and have their ashes spread on a beach but they have not made any plans to do so
My wife’s parents have a three ring binder with all sorts of details of their Will and what they want to do with their bodies after they pass. They have even set aside money for the funeral home for their own cremation, mausoleum, etc..
Frustrating AF that my parents don’t really have something very basic at least written down
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:24 am to ItzMe1972
quote:
Which state are they in?
Texas
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:24 am to HoustonGumbeauxGuy
What state do your parents live in?
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:25 am to HoustonGumbeauxGuy
Ask them which Lawyer do they want to have to take most of their savings, and what ever he decides to sell their house and all their goods for.
Remind them that the lawyer and banker take at least 20% for starters and then slowly, ever so slowly settle it taking payment by the hour for months or even years.
We knew one in Virginia who settled an estate in D.C. metro area, and became rich taking his time.
Remind them that the lawyer and banker take at least 20% for starters and then slowly, ever so slowly settle it taking payment by the hour for months or even years.
We knew one in Virginia who settled an estate in D.C. metro area, and became rich taking his time.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:30 am to danilo
quote:
I need to talk to my dad about this. My parents are divorced and he is remarried. What happens if no will?
Better make sure he doesn't have 401k's, life insurance, savings, or similar accounts with Wife #1 listed as the beneficiary.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:31 am to Tiger Prawn
quote:
sentimental items
Saw this happen with my mom and her sisters. My grandparents both passed years ago and really didn't have much value to leave and they had a lot of kids. But the recipe book or that certain dish or pot, whatever, and it became silly. Thankfully it didn't lead to all out war but having also seen it with my dad's sister when my other grandparent's passed made me set up an estate in my 40s.
I had a Trust, AHD, POA, & Will all done for about $1k. No kids so we set my 3 siblings up and my wife's 2 siblings up, which in turn takes care of our nieces/nephews.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:32 am to BluegrassBelle
quote:This will likely end up being a mess. Considering who will be the named executor for the will is something people take too lightly. You can name an attorney (for a fee of course), to handle this if the parents don’t want to hurt feelings or doesn’t fully trust one of their children to do it, it’s also a time consuming responsibility.
And my Uncle, who's the executor, has his own issues that doesn't lead me to believe it'll be handled well.
I’m the executor for two different wills, and there’s a fee ($5,000 and $10,000) for me for both. I’m a beneficiary of one (my parents), so I will waive the fee or hire an attorney or accountant to help. They can be costly though, think roughly 2% of the estate. Worth it to keep the family in tact.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:35 am to Tifway419
quote:
o I will waive the fee or hire an attorney or accountant to help.
highly recommend
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:37 am to SuperSaint
quote:
no they aren’t. Only the kids would make it a ‘problem’. The ‘kids’ have a choice to say frick it as well
So your rationale is that since they're dead, it won't be their problem?
quote:
The ‘kids’ have a choice to say frick it as well
Except they won't have a choice because creditors come calling. Sure, they can just let their parent's house get taken by the state if they say 'frick it' - that is certainly an option. And what a'hole kid would say 'meh frick it' when settling their parent's estate?
What world do you live in?
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:37 am to HoustonGumbeauxGuy
My old man was a pain in the arse when he died. SOB diagnosed with a terminal illness and still wouldn’t address it. It was a pain sorting out his affairs, but luckily he had a surviving spouse to make things a lot simpler. For him, it was a psychological thing and he knew all of the assets went straight to my mom as she was listed as beneficiary on accounts and jointly owned homes automatically transfer.
When it is an individual elderly person, you need to have that shite buttoned up or it’s a nightmare. My mom took it head on when he died.
When it is an individual elderly person, you need to have that shite buttoned up or it’s a nightmare. My mom took it head on when he died.
Posted on 4/28/26 at 11:40 am to HoustonGumbeauxGuy
I am fortunate relative to advance planning with my 91 year old mom. She is highly organized and committed her intentions (clearly) in her will. She also has provided me with a list of people for her funeral, their contact information and indicated whom she would like to have say a few words.
I have some work to do on my own planning but she established a solid framework to follow.
I have some work to do on my own planning but she established a solid framework to follow.
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