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re: Mitch Hedberg thread
Posted on 11/8/21 at 12:12 pm to Gaggle
Posted on 11/8/21 at 12:12 pm to Gaggle
I was in downtown Boise Idaho and I saw a duck. I knew the duck was lost, because ducks aren't supposed to be downtown. There's nothing for 'em there. So I went to a Subway sandwich shop. I said, "Let me have a bun." She wouldn't sell me just the bun, she said it had to have something on it. She said it's against Subway regulations to sell just the bun. I guess the two halves aren't supposed to touch. So, I said, "All right, put some lettuce on it." "That'll be $1.75!" I said, "It's for a duck!" "Oh, then it's free." I did not know that. Ducks eat for free at Subway! Had I known that, I would have ordered a much larger sandwich. "Let me have the steak fajita sub, and don't bother ringing it up - it's for a duck! There are six ducks out there, and they all want Sun Chips!"
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Posted on 11/8/21 at 12:13 pm to Saint Alfonzo
quote:
I saw Mitch with Dave Attell and Lewis Black.
I saw Mitch at the Improv in West Palm maybe a year before he died. He was pretty lit up but the show was awesome. One of the few people I never met that I actually miss not being here.
This thread is great.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 12:20 pm to tigerpimpbot
I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 12:45 pm to Gaggle
Look at the limes in my drink, look how they float. That's good news. Next time I'm on a boat and it capsizes I will reach for a lime. I'll ski without a life preserver and reach in my pocket and pull out a lime. I'm saved by the buoyancy of citrus
Posted on 11/8/21 at 12:53 pm to Gaggle
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 1:38 pm to rexorotten
I used to be a hot tile roofer. Man, I remember that day.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 1:40 pm to Gaggle
thank you for this thread.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 1:41 pm to Gaggle
Go around. The wall does not open.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 2:05 pm to TigerstuckinMS
"I like rice. It's great if you're really hungry and want two thousand of something"
Posted on 11/8/21 at 2:31 pm to Gaggle
See my sig quote. I've had the same one for years.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 2:38 pm to jvargas
quote:
I'd hate to be a giraffe with a sore throat.
"It's like, dammit already!"
Posted on 11/8/21 at 2:45 pm to Gaggle
Overrated.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 2:56 pm to Gaggle
If you jump out of the 13th floor, you will die sooner.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 2:56 pm to Gaggle
Go around! I don’t know if there’s a doorknob on that side but over here there’s nothing! It’s just flat!
Posted on 11/8/21 at 3:01 pm to Gaggle
“I saw this commercial on late night TV, it was for this thing you attach to a garden hose, it was like 'You can water your hard-to-reach plants with this product.'
Who the frick would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean.
'I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach! I will throw water at you. Hopefully they will invent a product before you shrivel and die! Think like a cactus'”
Who the frick would make their plants hard to reach? That seems so very mean.
'I know you need water, but I'm gonna make you hard to reach! I will throw water at you. Hopefully they will invent a product before you shrivel and die! Think like a cactus'”
Posted on 11/8/21 at 3:03 pm to Saint Alfonzo
quote:
I saw Mitch with Dave Attell and Lewis Black.
In New Orleans? fricking fantastic show.
"There are arrows on the stage telling me where to go. frick you, arrows. Don't tell me what to do." -- Mitch Hedberg
"Ladies, does size matter?" WOOOOO! "Now that we've heard from the whores, what do the rest of you think?" -- Dave Attell
I don't remember any of Lewis Black's material in particular, I just remember that it was a half hour of hilarious angry ranting.
This post was edited on 11/8/21 at 3:07 pm
Posted on 11/8/21 at 3:19 pm to Spasweezy
quote:you can name the greatest comedian of all time, you won't get 4 pages of people having fun quoting memorable jokes. Definitely not for everyone but "overrated" is stupid. Overrated is for Kevin Hart or somebody who gets too much exposure not a comedian who never quite made it big and has been dead for 16 years with a cult status. Besides, whenever I need to shave, I assume someone else on the planet is shaving, so I always say "I'm gonna go shave, too."
Overrated
Posted on 11/8/21 at 3:21 pm to TigerstuckinMS
quote:
In New Orleans? fricking fantastic show.
"There are arrows on the stage telling me where to go. frick you, arrows. Don't tell me what to do." -- Mitch Hedberg
"Ladies, does size matter?" WOOOOO! "Now that we've heard from the whores, what do the rest of you think?" -- Dave Attell
I don't remember any of Lewis Black's material in particular, I just remember that it was a half hour of hilarious angry ranting.
Same tour, but I saw them in Norfolk.
Posted on 11/8/21 at 3:47 pm to TigerstuckinMS
I saw them in New Orleans. It was a great show!
Posted on 11/8/21 at 4:19 pm to Gaggle
I saw a billboard for the lottery. It said, "Estimated lottery jackpot 55 million dollars." I did not know that was estimated. That would suck if you won and they said, "Oh, we were off by two zeroes. We estimate that you are angry."
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