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re: Is it upsetting to hear that a couple doesn't want children?
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:21 pm to Pecker
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:21 pm to Pecker
Many of the parents I meet with small kids are miserable. They love their kids. They wouldn't trade them for the world. But kids under 10 are A LOT of work and people don't realize that. It's only natural that they would want you to be miserable too. They see you living your life unencumbered and they hate you for it. I've encountered this many times throughout my life.
4
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:21 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
I think that the kind of pessimistic, troubled, narcissistic, self-absorbed people (pick one) who gravitate towards not wanting kids, definitely shouldn't have kids. I also think that when two people like this find each other, they should prepare for the other one to leave them at any time. The kind of people who view kids as a curse, are the kind of people that view their SO as a curse at some point. If your girlfriend thinks her life is better without kids, your girlfriend probably already has Plan B and Plan C ready to roll out when she realizes you aren't enough.
"view kids as a curse"
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:21 pm to Hawkeye95
quote:
You are wrong. A large chunk of my group of friends are childfree by choice (as the wife and I are). They are all great people. Of course, they are my friends so I would like them. But we have a very large, very active group of friends.
I doubt it, honestly. From your descriptions of your interactions, I'm guessing your group of friends is far to the left of mine, is less faith-oriented than mine, and is more cynical than mine.
That doesn't make them bad people in a vacuum, but it probably makes them far less enjoyable to spend time with from my perspective.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:22 pm to Sentrius
quote:
You many not think it is selfish but in a vacuum, it is selfish for productive citizens to not contribute to the future of society beyond their own life while white trash and hoodrats create dozens more new problems.
I contribute quite a bit. I don't feel a pull to give more to a country that is slowly imploding.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:22 pm to Pecker
Your wife will change her mind when she turns 30
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:23 pm to Hawkeye95
quote:
I contribute quite a bit. I don't feel a pull to give more to a country that is slowly imploding.
agreed.
(looks at username and shudders)
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:23 pm to lsuwontonwrap
quote:
But kids under 10 are A LOT of work
I hear people say this a lot and I just don't get it. Kids only require as much work as you're willing to do. People just like to complain.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:23 pm to sandraccoon
quote:
So, you are saying that only Christians and athiests try to get you to see "their" way?
did you see only?
I don't say it didn't imply it. Just use that as one example of people feeling more comfortable in the pack. Also I get that Christians are trying to save your soul so not trying to knock it.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:24 pm to CorporateTiger
quote:
I would say that it is selfish to bring more people into current shitshow world just to appease your bullshite desire for validation.
The only legit reason I can understand for not having kids is if you feel that you would be a terrible parent, then by all means, get all the birth control, tubes tied and vasectomies you can get. Deadbeat parents that don't give a shite are the worst and good for you to recognize that.
Other than that, it's a great honor to produce more productive citizens that will do good things and repeat the same cycle.
quote:
I don't owe society anything.
You sure about that?
Paying taxes? Being a law abiding citizen? Contributing success to your place of employment and little slice of the economy?
Aren't you a conservative that preaches personal responsibility?
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:24 pm to lsuwontonwrap
quote:
Many of the guys I meet with wives are miserable. They love their wives. They wouldn't trade them for the world. But wives are A LOT of work and people don't realize that. It's only natural that they would want you to be miserable too. They see you living your life unencumbered and they hate you for it. I've encountered this many times throughout my life.
FIFY
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:25 pm to Pecker
quote:
I feel like happiness can be found apart from those things. For example, if you are a religious person, I feel that happiness can be something that originates from a relationship between you and your God, and everything else pleasing in life serves only to contribute to that happiness. Those other things in life aren't necessary for true happiness, as you experience it, because that's not where your happiness originated.
I think children can contribute to happiness in life, as well as heartache, but I don't think they are necessary to be happy in life.
I don't know if I'm right about this, but I guess my general take on everything in life is that each person is responsible for his own well-being. If you're relying solely on someone else, you've let yourself down.
I agree with almost all of this. But, and I don't have strong feelings on this, I think a good argument can be made (particularly from a faith-based outlook) that there is nothing "external" about having a good chunk of life happiness derived from kids. In other words, that part of the purpose for a large majority of people is to have families, and we're naturally drawn to that outcome.
I agree that contentedness and happiness came come without kids, but I don't think that's the baseline and kids are an addition. Rather, I think family life is the baseline and no kids is an exception.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:25 pm to CunningLinguist
quote:
Your wife will change her mind when she turns 30
And if she doesnt?
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:26 pm to Pecker
What's worse is when couples with children give you grief about not adopting or trying IVF if you CAN'T have children.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:26 pm to Lsupimp
quote:
I think that the kind of pessimistic, troubled, narcissistic, self-absorbed people (pick one) who gravitate towards not wanting kids, definitely shouldn't have kids. I also think that when two people like this find each other, they should prepare for the other one to leave them at any time. The kind of people who view kids as a curse, are the kind of people that view their SO as a curse at some point. If your girlfriend thinks her life is better without kids, your girlfriend probably already has Plan B and Plan C ready to roll out when she realizes you aren't enough.
Yep.
There's a reason why the Child free lifestyle has certain stereotypes to it and they're not flattering to say the least.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:27 pm to CGSC Lobotomy
quote:
What's worse is when couples with children give you grief about not adopting or trying IVF if you CAN'T have children.
That happens?
I imagine it can feel like that with people trying to pitch alternatives (probably in a good natured way). I just have trouble imagining that many people are so shitty about someone's tough position.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:27 pm to lsuwontonwrap
quote:
Many of the parents I meet with small kids are miserable.
quote:
It's only natural that they would want you to be miserable too.
quote:
They see you living your life unencumbered and they hate you for it.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:28 pm to Sentrius
quote:
the Child free lifestyle has certain stereotypes to it and they're not flattering to say the least.
what are those stereotypes?
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:28 pm to Pettifogger
quote:
That doesn't make them bad people in a vacuum, but it probably makes them far less enjoyable to spend time with from my perspective.
errr, you said horrendous people earlier.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:30 pm to Pecker
It disappoints me when the people who don't want kids are intelligent, responsible, financially stable people. There are way too many irresponsible, stupid, entitled people having kids. We need more of the former to have some kids to balance out for the latter.
Posted on 5/15/17 at 1:30 pm to CptBengal
quote:
what are those stereotypes?
I would say bitter, selfish, unfriendly, more likely to be liberal or atheist. Not claiming those are accurate.
At least that is what appears to be mentioned in this thread.
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