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re: Is it upsetting to hear that a couple doesn't want children?

Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:31 pm to
Posted by cwill
Member since Jan 2005
54755 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:31 pm to
quote:

I truly pity people who think having a baby is necessary for a successful marriage.

If you need kids to stay married, you don't have a very good marriage.


Dude, passionate love dies, no matter who you are. Only women believe that disney shite. If you don't have a family (children) around which you're building your marriage it will end. After 20 years wtf are you doing but living with a roommate you bang less and less.
Posted by cwill
Member since Jan 2005
54755 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:32 pm to
Only the crazy don't.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:32 pm to
quote:

A. The vast majority of people that say this are sub-35 and end up changing their minds


What if we have a unique situation career-wise? What if we understand that it would be entirely unfair to try to raise a child given our careers?

It would be very difficult for her to give up her career given what she's sacrificed and how hard she's worked up to this point. I think it would ultimately lead to issues of resentment and regret.

quote:

C. If you're not having children why are you getting married? All you're doing is dating. And eventually you will divorce because there's no point to your marriage.



I'm not trying to be rude, but I honestly think it's sad when people say this. It just seems like a sad thing to say that you can't imagine having a deep enough affection for your wife that you'd want to be with her if she were unable to have children, and that there would be "no point to your marriage."
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86726 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:33 pm to
quote:

For some it's not that simple. Not being married made having kids fairly difficult. I didn't want to be a single parent. It's not something I set out to do, but it's also not something I can change.


then you are not the type of people I was talking about
Posted by Sentrius
Fort Rozz
Member since Jun 2011
64757 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:34 pm to
quote:

and you call yourself a libertarian.





I've actually backed off that label a bit. More like a conservatarian.

What I said was an observation of human history towards child free lifestyles and how the western first world is a departure from the norm. Now I may be a conservative with a lot of libertarian streaks but I'm not so naive as to believe that white people in the western first world aren't the only ones that are libertarians.

In fact, white people invented libertarianism and are pretty much the only ones that practice it.
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 2:36 pm
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87748 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:35 pm to
quote:


You do realize that being liberal or atheist doesn't go hand-in-hand with bitter, selfish, or unfriendly.. right? Plenty of good-hearted caring people don't believe in jesus, and frankly, it is the attitude of "only faith can make you a good person" that turns people away from christians.

There's a whoooooole lot of believers who are shite people. Shitheads come from all backgrounds. Half the child abuse stories you read are from people with devoutly religious parents.


For fricks sake

You guys who ignore context in threads like this are just as bad as the close minded people you're campaigning against
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:37 pm to
quote:

quote:

Let's revisit this at his 5 year wedding anniversary.

I say this in all of his threads.



I think that's fair. We've been together 5 years already. I think it's fair to revisit this in 5 years to see if things have changed.

Also, if things haven't changed, I think you should be required to allow me to make your wife happy for at least one night. I think you owe it to her. I don't owe it to her, but I take pride in certain charity work.

I would obviously need to work this out with my wife first but I'll see what I can do.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89397 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:38 pm to
It must suck that your wife is such a dead fish you have to constantly harp on trying to bang mine.
Posted by Pettifogger
I don't really care, Margaret
Member since Feb 2012
87748 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:38 pm to
Considering yall don't want kids, I assume you're open marriage weirdos and she'll have no problem with it
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86726 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:38 pm to
quote:

What if we have a unique situation career-wise? What if we understand that it would be entirely unfair to try to raise a child given our careers?


You might

but that doesn't change the fact that chances are you and your wife will change your mind and work around whatever schedule y'all have

*both me and my wife changed jobs while my wife was pregnant
Posted by CelticDog
Member since Apr 2015
42867 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:38 pm to


So glad i do not have to live with stigma of being unable to reporoduce.

However i can see that some people are not in touch with the issues and feelings it takes to be good parent.

I loved being a parent.
Most wonderful thing.

Yes, expensive, time consuming and sometimes thankless and stressful.
Posted by Pecker
Rocky Top
Member since May 2015
16674 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:40 pm to
quote:

It must suck that your wife is such a dead fish you have to constantly harp on trying to bang mine.




I'm not doing this for me, my friend. I'm doing this for her.
Posted by NoHoTiger
So many to kill, so little time
Member since Nov 2006
46211 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:40 pm to
quote:

then you are not the type of people I was talking about

Then, thank you
Posted by Supermoto Tiger
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2010
10976 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:40 pm to
quote:

Is it upsetting to hear that a couple doesn't want children

Not at all.
Posted by LouisianaLady
Member since Mar 2009
83168 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:41 pm to
quote:

then you are not the type of people I was talking about



There are a million scenarios out there, though. People shouldn't have to dig up an excuse deemed "legitimate" in order for their personal decisions to be validated.

I do agree though that if you aren't evangelical about it, you probably aren't going to receive much flack. I don't understand the purpose of being "loud and proud" childfree.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89397 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:41 pm to
quote:

I'm not doing this for me, my friend. I'm doing this for her.


Not really sure what you have to offer her. You think a girl can't be satisfied in 3-7 minutes, that tells me you aren't all that good at what you're doing.
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
49099 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:42 pm to
quote:

What if we have a unique situation career-wise?


What exactly do you do? I can understand a genius trying to solve riddles of the universe or a dedicated pediatric cardiovascular surgeon saving babies and shite. Or even some Peace Corps hippie dedicating himself to helping others in 3rd world countries.

Are you a genius or making the world better? Or a selfish little bitch?
This post was edited on 5/15/17 at 2:44 pm
Posted by NoHoTiger
So many to kill, so little time
Member since Nov 2006
46211 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:42 pm to
quote:

I loved being a parent.

I love being a tia. Spent yesterday morning at the park, get to go get ice cream, watch the movie Sing over and over and over and don't have to save for college
Posted by cwill
Member since Jan 2005
54755 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:43 pm to
quote:


What if we have a unique situation career-wise? What if we understand that it would be entirely unfair to try to raise a child given our careers?

It would be very difficult for her to give up her career given what she's sacrificed and how hard she's worked up to this point. I think it would ultimately lead to issues of resentment and regret.


Neither of you can escape your biology. You have a long time to change your mind...her window closes in I would guess 10 years (assuming she's 30). And I guarantee you the regret over no kids will be greater than some time off from a career.


quote:

'm not trying to be rude, but I honestly think it's sad when people say this. It just seems like a sad thing to say that you can't imagine having a deep enough affection for your wife that you'd want to be with her if she were unable to have children, and that there would be "no point to your marriage."


I don't take your comment as rude, I take it as naive. Most people have a strong connection to the person they love enough to consider marrying. However, over the course of 10, 20, 30 years...that shite fades my young friend. You better find a reason to stay together beyond "she gets me" and "the sex is great".
Posted by Salmon
I helped draft the email
Member since Feb 2008
86726 posts
Posted on 5/15/17 at 2:44 pm to
quote:

There are a million scenarios out there, though.


I realize that

My comment was only about people that, at least claim, to never have wanted to reproduce or grappled with the decision, even at the end of their life



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