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re: How to deal with an alcoholic family member?
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:14 pm to Yaboylsu63
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:14 pm to Yaboylsu63
Went through this exact scenario with my dad. Multiple interventions, attempts to check into rehab, help from those who had been through the program, etc. Like most people here are saying, they have to want to be helped. When someone hits rock bottom, they either bounce back up or they splatter. It's tough but it's true. For me, all this was happening as I was trying to finish my senior year at LSU. I ended up having to tell my dad (who was my absolute rock and best friend) that if he wanted to keep me and my sisters in his life, he needed to get help. I wasn't going to sit around and watch him drink himself to death. The last words I said to him were that I loved him and I hoped the next time I saw him wasn't at his funeral. He died a month later, right before my graduation.
I know exactly what you're going through. I will say a prayer for your family and hope that all turns out for the best.
I know exactly what you're going through. I will say a prayer for your family and hope that all turns out for the best.
1
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:21 pm to wallyb
I know it's been said in here already but pleading with them to get help more than likely will not work, and even if it does get them to go to rehab they will likely relapse if they really didn't want it for themselves. You just have to hope their rock bottom or wake up call isn't fatal or too damaging to where they can finally make the decision that they have had enough.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:23 pm to Yaboylsu63
No one can say for certain what to do here. Struggled similarly with a family member for years. After an episode I had an honest conversation where I shared how hurt I was after many years of this behavior. At the end I mentioned that I forgave them (let go of the hurt) for all the things they had done. More to help me get through some struggles. Can’t say for certain how this in particular had an impact but there were some pretty serious changes made after. Don’t care what caused the changes but I do think some folks get hung up in a cycle of how they’ve hurt people.
Anyhow this person passed away not long after this. Confident I would have had much bigger closure struggles if it weren’t for this discussion.
Anyhow this person passed away not long after this. Confident I would have had much bigger closure struggles if it weren’t for this discussion.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:41 pm to Yaboylsu63
Better then dealing with a liberal family member
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:43 pm to Yaboylsu63
Al Anon.
Good luck. Buried my son at 27. Hope it ends better for you.
Good luck. Buried my son at 27. Hope it ends better for you.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:54 pm to Yaboylsu63
YOU need to find a GOOD AlAnon group.. Not a sick, poor me, complaining one... and go get your own help. Attend the meeting EVERY day if you have to. You can do NOTHING for the alcoholic. You will go nuts trying to.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 1:56 pm to Yaboylsu63
They have to make the change for themselves. As often as we hear folks say "I got sober for my kids", it really needs to be about the alcoholic getting sober for themselves.
You could all be enabling him/her and not know it. Set firm guidelines and follow-through with the consequences.
For many of us, it takes hitting rock bottom before getting sober....and staying sober.
If you guys keep accepting his/her behavior, you are only adding fuel to the fire.
You could all be enabling him/her and not know it. Set firm guidelines and follow-through with the consequences.
For many of us, it takes hitting rock bottom before getting sober....and staying sober.
If you guys keep accepting his/her behavior, you are only adding fuel to the fire.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:04 pm to WaterLink
That's why he asking for advice you dingbat
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:10 pm to Yaboylsu63
Honestly, there isn’t much you can do. Tell her you love her and are very worried about her and would like to help if she is open to it.
I went through a very dark period after my fiancé and parents died and starting drinking because I was also really depressed. Everyone I know tried everything you did, and none of that got through to me.
By the grace of God, I basically woke up one day and had enough misery and feeling sorry for myself. I haven’t touched alcohol in years. I’ll be praying for your mom and family. Such a difficult and challenging situation.
I went through a very dark period after my fiancé and parents died and starting drinking because I was also really depressed. Everyone I know tried everything you did, and none of that got through to me.
By the grace of God, I basically woke up one day and had enough misery and feeling sorry for myself. I haven’t touched alcohol in years. I’ll be praying for your mom and family. Such a difficult and challenging situation.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:15 pm to Yaboylsu63
Went through a really similar situation. We had an intervention, they finally agreed to go to rehab, and got back home off the plane drunk.
Help is worthless if they don't want it. I'm not saying to cut them out of your life, give up hope, or quit trying, but take care of yourself first and foremost.
Help is worthless if they don't want it. I'm not saying to cut them out of your life, give up hope, or quit trying, but take care of yourself first and foremost.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:25 pm to Yaboylsu63
quote:
ut contact. It seems harsh, but this person has to be able to see how their actions negatively affect others. I'm not saying never see or talk to them, but seriously scale back your involvement in their life until they show a willingness to get sober.
Couldn’t agree more with this. My father was a gallon of taaka a day drunk. When I could, I cut ties. Actually, all of his kids did. Even that didn’t wake him up but at least we weren’t subjected to his bs. Maybe your family member will see it as a wake up call and get help.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:34 pm to WaterLink
quote:
Sounds like they don't want help. They can't be helped if they don't want it.
This is exactly correct. Speaking from both personal experience and some things I have witnessed through the years, until a person wants to quit, they're not.
And there is nothing another person can do to force it
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:38 pm to FredBear
Ours wasn’t an alcoholic, but he is a drug addict.
My Brother in Law is a huge Meth head with an arrest record the size of a dictionary.
My wife’s entire family has given him multiple chances, job opportunities, places to live and even cars to try and help him get some stability in his life.
Every time he’ll be clean for a week or so then just turn jackass and get High and combative.
It’s now to the point where his entire family has admitted that he’s beyond help and there’s nothing they can do except stop all contact with him.
It sounds cruel, but the stress he has put on his family just in the 6 years my wife and I have been married is ridiculous. Just his name popping up on her phone or in a text from him is enough to drive up her blood pressure and almost send her in a panic attack.
She finally decided a few months ago, while talking to her Step Dad, that the best thing for them to do is just walk away. That it’s not worth destroying her health by constantly trying to help someone that doesn’t want to really be helped.
The dudes almost 40 and has the mentality of a 16 year old.
My Brother in Law is a huge Meth head with an arrest record the size of a dictionary.
My wife’s entire family has given him multiple chances, job opportunities, places to live and even cars to try and help him get some stability in his life.
Every time he’ll be clean for a week or so then just turn jackass and get High and combative.
It’s now to the point where his entire family has admitted that he’s beyond help and there’s nothing they can do except stop all contact with him.
It sounds cruel, but the stress he has put on his family just in the 6 years my wife and I have been married is ridiculous. Just his name popping up on her phone or in a text from him is enough to drive up her blood pressure and almost send her in a panic attack.
She finally decided a few months ago, while talking to her Step Dad, that the best thing for them to do is just walk away. That it’s not worth destroying her health by constantly trying to help someone that doesn’t want to really be helped.
The dudes almost 40 and has the mentality of a 16 year old.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:48 pm to Yaboylsu63
I have a sibling and best friend who are alcoholics. I and many others have tried to help for years. Both have been to rehab 3 or more times. Both have children they will leave behind. Both are selfish assholes.
I now don’t worry about them and instead worry for their families. Each of them will die early.
I now don’t worry about them and instead worry for their families. Each of them will die early.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:49 pm to Yaboylsu63
What are they doing to cause problems? What are their actions?
I only ask wondering if they are constantly embarrassing themselves or they are more of a functional alcoholic. The latter is really hard to reach because at the end of the day, there’s no faults to point to.
I only ask wondering if they are constantly embarrassing themselves or they are more of a functional alcoholic. The latter is really hard to reach because at the end of the day, there’s no faults to point to.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:54 pm to BabyTac
There are plenty of faults to point to when someone is a functional alcoholic. They go to work and make money, but that's about it. After it's time to go, the drinking starts and everything else in their life falls to the wayside. I was one of those for 20 years. Lost and ruined a lot of shite I'll never be able to get back.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 2:58 pm to Yaboylsu63
I've lived this nightmare too unfortunately and I really sympathize for you and people in your situation. The best you can do is let them know that you love them and that you care for them. However, things will literally never get better until they are ready to make a change in their own life.
Posted on 12/9/21 at 3:22 pm to Yaboylsu63
(no message)
This post was edited on 12/17/21 at 7:49 pm
Posted on 12/9/21 at 3:24 pm to Yaboylsu63
Ask if they want a beer?
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