How do you know how hard to go on your kids?

Your job is to be their parent, not their friend. Do what is appropriate for the situation. If you go to far, don't hesitate to apologize to them.

just fly off the handle and go crazy every now and then, that way they have no idea what to expect

there is no handbook that tells you exactly what to do with children. use your best judgement.

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laid back, kind natured guy. Always have been, always will be

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Is the wife giving you the "you don't discipline the kids enough" speech?

Toughest thing I have to deal with. I can recognize it in myself, but it's hard to overcome. There's no doubt that I have to be a parent before a friend. But sometimes, I recognize I can be a little too quick to be harsh and jump straight into fussing. Try to apologize while still pointing out that the intention of me being upset wasn't wrong...they still need to do better, but I can maybe address it better in the future.

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Your job is to be their parent, not their friend. Do what is appropriate for the situation. If you go to far, don't hesitate to apologize to them.

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No doubt about that - be a parent first and foremost. And just make sure they know that you love them regardless of what happens. I'd also add to follow through with discipline. If you say you are going to punish them, do it. That way you set the tone early that there are consequences for bad behavior, etc. It'll hurt sometimes to see them hurt by not being able to do things they want to but they'll be better in the long run for it. I have a 19 and 14 year old daughter and 16 year old son. They know I love them but will lay the law down when needed.

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If you say you are going to punish them, do it.

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That was a big takeaway I saw from many friends who had kids before me. Kids pick up fast on empty threats and will pay no heed if they view a command as baseless.

Basically start off relatively small in discipline and work your way up the ladder. You usually won't have to worry about being too hard as they will modify their behavior before you get to that point.

No two kids are the same when it come to raising them and disciplining them.

In rare instances discipline measures will not work, if you feel like you've gone as far as you can go without feeling like you're getting into abase then it's time to seek a counselor.


I'll leave it up to you whether or not physical discipline is right for your household. Just remember you can utilize physical discipline without it being abuse despite what some modern "parents" might say. In most instances if you can identify the thing that they are attached to, a toy, tv time, etc. and restrict that properly it will work wonders.

a couple of addition l points.
1) Never threaten without following through, it shows weakness.

2) If you punish your child (time out, removing a toy etc) your SO should never be the one to end the punishment, this shows division and kids will use that against the parents.

3) Keep in mine the child is learning too, they will blame you, but you need to reassure them that you want the best for them however their actions and choices are when causes the punishment. So many kids play on parents heartstrings, especially new parents who want to be the perfect parent. There's no such thing as a perfect parent, you're going to make mistakes, own up to them and tell the truth and apologize when necessary. Your action teach the kids more than you know.

4) You kids are going to do bad things and say bad stuff that is also funny at times. Laugh about it behind closed doors.

5) This one no parent really gets until much later in life, they're are only going to be young once so try not to get frustrated and remember, there will come a time in your life when you'd trade everything to be where you are today with these little ones running around.

My cousin gave this advice when I was an expecting parent :"find the biggest boy on child rearing and bet them with it". No he was not being serious but the point is discipline when early, and you do not have to do it as much later. Now having an 18 year old son all that goes out the window and they become fricking morons! Good luck, and your use your gut to help guide you.

I yelled at him once so bad he peed his pants

Dialed it back from there