re: Have you ever pooped yourself?

“It’s all shits and giggles until someone giggles and shits.” - Mother Theresa describing a dysentery outbreak in 1939

Twice.

The first time was more of shart, really, but it was definitely a little wet back there. I was in high school, it was Sunday, and I was driving home from a recruiting visit to a school in Kentucky. Either my parents or a couple of teammates would usually go on trips with me, but my parents were out of town and I took this one solo. I had partied pretty hard with some of the players on Saturday night and my stomach was a ducking wreck from all the alcohol and shite food I had ingested. It was dark and I was on I-75, less than 10 Miles from my exit; I really didn’t want to stop, I just wanted to get home. I’d stopped to shite my brains out a couple of times already and I had been constantly ripping arse the entire ride home. The act had been getting riskier and riskier with each fart, but I was so close to home and I wasn’t going to stop again. I gambled. I lost. I’m hungover, I’m exhausted, the highway seems to just roll on forever and ever, and I’m sitting in my own hot fudge. If my body had been able to spare any liquid from my horribly dehydrated body, I might have cried. I just drove all the way home and threw my shorts and boxers in the trash can outside.

The 2nd time happened last month when I had the flu. My wife had just gotten home from work and I was shuffling around downstairs asking her how her day went while I grabbed some water. In mid-sentence I sneezed... and sprayed liquid shite all over the inside of my underwear. I just kind of hold that pose with a horrified look on my face for a couple of seconds until my wife breaks the silence with “Oh my God, you just shite yourself didn’t you?” I did this weird walk trying to pull my arse up under myself and tip toe into the bathroom so that my soggy underpants won’t touch my butt anymore than it absolutely has to. I clean myself up in the bathroom, toss my drawers in the trash can, and take the trash bag out to the herby curby.

Once while in class at LSU. The smell was horrible

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My wife shite herself on our second date.

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holy shite,she knew you were the right one for sticking it out.

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was really nervous I hadn't gotten it all out of my system but I'm home safe.

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Did you check in on Facebook?

That made me lol

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“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry.” My apologies do nothing to drown out the heinous noises that seem to carry on and reverberate throughout the small cabin indefinitely. If that’s not bad enough, I have one more major problem. The privacy screen stops right around shoulder level. I am sitting there, a disembodied head, in the back of the plane, on a bucking bronco for a toilet, all while looking my colleagues, competitors, and clients directly in the eyes. “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!” briefly comes to mind.

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I once sharted in my pants while I was on the way to go help my mom change a flat tire. My house was along the way, so I had to ask my wife to go change the tire for me while I pooped and changed my pants.

I did once about 5-6 years ago I had a bad stomach bug and it hit me out of nowhere. Didn't make it to the bathroom in time

Twice.

Once after a date while in undergrad...I was at least able to drop her off, but I didn't make it home.

Wet fart at DTW while on the way to BWI. Thankfully it didn't seep through my manties...used about a roll of toilet paper to clean up...balled up the underwear in a bunch of toilet seat covers and dumped it in the trash.