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Message
re: Has anyone here ever moved away from home after getting married and have kids?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:39 am to DiamondDog
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:39 am to DiamondDog
quote:
Some people have children and they rely on grandparents for everything. They get care, money, etc. It's a symptom of extended adolescence.
It’s how humans lived for millennia. Only in America in the last 70 or so years has living with or near extended family been made to be something negative.
1
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:39 am to finchmeister08
Being near family is overrated.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:39 am to finchmeister08
Key questions are:
1) what's the daycare situation? Is it affordable and high-quality where you are? How would it compare to moving back "home"?
2) Are the grandparents willing to visit often throughout the year? One or two weeks every 2 to 3 months when the kids are under 5 is ideal IMO. Do you have a place for them to comfortably stay?
3) do either you or your spouse travel for work? If so, that can be difficult if relatives are not nearby to occasionally help.
I don't think it's necessary to live directly by relatives unless one spouse travels often, daycare is unaffordable, or grandparents are unable to visit often. I live 20 hours from family and it's fine 90% of the time, but it can be very difficult a dozen times a year. My brother lives 15 mins from my parents and he gets almost unlimited, free childcare. It really helps him to have a grandparent pick up a sick kid from daycare or take the kid to soccer practice.
1) what's the daycare situation? Is it affordable and high-quality where you are? How would it compare to moving back "home"?
2) Are the grandparents willing to visit often throughout the year? One or two weeks every 2 to 3 months when the kids are under 5 is ideal IMO. Do you have a place for them to comfortably stay?
3) do either you or your spouse travel for work? If so, that can be difficult if relatives are not nearby to occasionally help.
I don't think it's necessary to live directly by relatives unless one spouse travels often, daycare is unaffordable, or grandparents are unable to visit often. I live 20 hours from family and it's fine 90% of the time, but it can be very difficult a dozen times a year. My brother lives 15 mins from my parents and he gets almost unlimited, free childcare. It really helps him to have a grandparent pick up a sick kid from daycare or take the kid to soccer practice.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:41 am to LNCHBOX
quote:
you like to see homos naked?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:43 am to Dadren
This guy gets it
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:44 am to finchmeister08
Moved to TN from LA when my son was just over one year old. Both of his grandparents are still in Louisiana. It's been no problem. He's 6 now and really close to both of them, but we work at that. They come visit a lot and we do when we can. He goes for 2 weeks every summer, etc.
Child care is harder. You just have to pay for daycare and a sitter, all the time. Your kid will miss out on things like grandparents day and things at school. But that's just something you have to explain.
You have to suck it up they may not love LSU though. My son just asked me the other day if it was OK if he is a Tennessee fan like his friends instead of an LSU fan and asked if I could buy him some UT stuff. I said it'd be ok if we both could agree on a dislike for Alabama and he said ok.
Child care is harder. You just have to pay for daycare and a sitter, all the time. Your kid will miss out on things like grandparents day and things at school. But that's just something you have to explain.
You have to suck it up they may not love LSU though. My son just asked me the other day if it was OK if he is a Tennessee fan like his friends instead of an LSU fan and asked if I could buy him some UT stuff. I said it'd be ok if we both could agree on a dislike for Alabama and he said ok.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:46 am to finchmeister08
We have one and another on the way.
Would not hesitate to move for a better job. Mostly because our family except for my mom and wife's mom have been absolutely useless
Would not hesitate to move for a better job. Mostly because our family except for my mom and wife's mom have been absolutely useless
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:48 am to finchmeister08
quote:
she still lived with her parents. and we were both 30 when we got married.
yikes. writing was on the wall there my man.
anyway, would it be difficult to relocate and find work in your giving field back in alabama? I think your wife needs to have a little dose of growing up but marriage is about compromise so is it even possible for you?
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:49 am to cubsfan5150
There are a lot of factors to consider, but as for the child knowing her grandparents, that's up to y'all. We lived 650 miles from one set of grandparents and our daughter knew them well. I grew up a similar distance from mine, and I knew they well. Lots of travel, but's just a day on the road and that's not all bad.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:54 am to finchmeister08
Relocating is a GREAT way to grow your career. It ain't easy but if someone told another person life would be easy they lied like hell.
We have schlepped our kids all over the world and the US. At times they were 6000 or more miles from any family other than the 4 of us. It ain't easy but life is not easy if you live at home with your parents and your kids. Sounds like she is overwhelmed with the fear of a new kid and being away from mama....rightfully so. Odds are pretty good if she has been away 4 years she would be miserable with family coming around all the time uninvited and weighing in on shite that ain't none of their business. She will probably come around.
12 hours is nothing. Not even a miserable road trip. Unless she is willing to make some DRASTIC lifestyle changes and put up with family being around ALL THE TIME she is being unrealistic. Not unusual considering the situation and fear, hormones etc. She will probably get over it.
We have schlepped our kids all over the world and the US. At times they were 6000 or more miles from any family other than the 4 of us. It ain't easy but life is not easy if you live at home with your parents and your kids. Sounds like she is overwhelmed with the fear of a new kid and being away from mama....rightfully so. Odds are pretty good if she has been away 4 years she would be miserable with family coming around all the time uninvited and weighing in on shite that ain't none of their business. She will probably come around.
12 hours is nothing. Not even a miserable road trip. Unless she is willing to make some DRASTIC lifestyle changes and put up with family being around ALL THE TIME she is being unrealistic. Not unusual considering the situation and fear, hormones etc. She will probably get over it.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:57 am to HoustonChick86
Same here. We travel a lot to see our children and them to see us or meet for vacations even before grandchildren.
We were there for memorial day and they will be here next month. The drive is 7.5 hours each way. July we fly to see the other grandchildren (that is a 12 hour drive). We all meet up for vacations and Christmas.
It is truly the level of intention you decide to make. On the other hand our Louisiana relatives tend to stay in Louisiana and want us to bring the grandchildren to them. So they will babysit if you live in the same town. I amd another grandparent I know fly for birthdays/sick kids/new births/whatever is needed.
We were there for memorial day and they will be here next month. The drive is 7.5 hours each way. July we fly to see the other grandchildren (that is a 12 hour drive). We all meet up for vacations and Christmas.
It is truly the level of intention you decide to make. On the other hand our Louisiana relatives tend to stay in Louisiana and want us to bring the grandchildren to them. So they will babysit if you live in the same town. I amd another grandparent I know fly for birthdays/sick kids/new births/whatever is needed.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:58 am to finchmeister08
My first job out of college took us about 500 miles from family. When we made the move, my wife was seven months pregnant. Her mom and then my mom came to help us during the first few weeks after the child was born, but after that, we were on our own. The wife didn't work then, so we had no problems with childcare. She would get homesick occasionally but always got over it.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 9:59 am to finchmeister08
Most Boomers are such absent grandparents you aren’t missing much.
Sure there are some of you folks who have great parents that will watch your kids for you like a second set of parents. I’m truly jealous.
But in our case both sets like to see the kids every 2-3 weeks for about 2 hours so they can giggle at the new tricks they are doing as they grow up. They get their fix for themselves and move along. Meanwhile their own children have literally had zero days off in multiple years. It’s especially ironic considering my wife was at her grandmothers every single weekend growing up while her parents went off and did whatever.
If we lived 12 hours away or 20-40 minutes away like we do now. Our lives would be about the same.
Sure there are some of you folks who have great parents that will watch your kids for you like a second set of parents. I’m truly jealous.
But in our case both sets like to see the kids every 2-3 weeks for about 2 hours so they can giggle at the new tricks they are doing as they grow up. They get their fix for themselves and move along. Meanwhile their own children have literally had zero days off in multiple years. It’s especially ironic considering my wife was at her grandmothers every single weekend growing up while her parents went off and did whatever.
If we lived 12 hours away or 20-40 minutes away like we do now. Our lives would be about the same.
This post was edited on 5/30/24 at 10:05 am
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:03 am to finchmeister08
(no message)
This post was edited on 5/4/25 at 10:05 pm
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:07 am to finchmeister08
quote:Certain it’s yours?
she's/we are now pregnant
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:08 am to White Bear
quote:
Certain it’s yours?
Jeauxdy’s
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:15 am to LSURep864
quote:We drive a long time to see our grandchildren. The one that lives 7.5 hours away would be regional to regional so we do not fly.
Most Boomers are such absent grandparents you aren’t missing much.
Sure there are some of you folks who have great parents that will watch your kids for you like a second set of parents. I’m truly jealous.
But in our case both sets like to see the kids every 2-3 weeks for about 2 hours so they can giggle at the new tricks they are doing as they grow up. They get their fix for themselves and move along. Meanwhile their own children have literally had zero days off in multiple years. It’s especially ironic considering my wife was at her grandmothers every single weekend growing up while her parents went off and did whatever.
The other set of grandparents live 20 minutes away and rarely see the grandchild. Luckily there are some wonderful aunts and cousins who help out/give the parents a break.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:22 am to finchmeister08
I left home at 18 and have never lived there since. I’ve lived in 15 cities in the last 30+ years and am looking at two more moves.
It is really about what you want. I get the close to family, kids know their cousins, etc side. But there is also the grown the frick upside.
The downside is your children will be more likely to live away from you as well. Now that grandkids are in the picture I do have a small regret of raising kids to be independent.
It is really about what you want. I get the close to family, kids know their cousins, etc side. But there is also the grown the frick upside.
The downside is your children will be more likely to live away from you as well. Now that grandkids are in the picture I do have a small regret of raising kids to be independent.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:22 am to finchmeister08
Would the grandparents be interested in moving to Ft. Wayne? They could get a place and eventually you might have a rental property in the future.
Born & raised in LA, but temporarily left for the Marines. I came back to be close to my family, but wish I would’ve settled elsewhere now.
Born & raised in LA, but temporarily left for the Marines. I came back to be close to my family, but wish I would’ve settled elsewhere now.
Posted on 5/30/24 at 10:38 am to cubsfan5150
quote:
Yeah I joined the military. We made it work.
Every 3 to 5 years, new states or even countries.
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