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re: Has anyone here dealt with the onset of mental illness with their spouse?

Posted on 1/3/24 at 1:50 pm to
Posted by 0x15E
Outer Space
Member since Sep 2020
12740 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 1:50 pm to
Yes.

Give space and forget about your shite until they can recover with meds and therapy.

The more you force your issues, the worse it will be for you.
Posted by tigafan4life
Member since Dec 2006
48924 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 1:56 pm to
quote:

distant familial thyroid disorders
Curious about this. Why would a thyroid disorder cause mental issues, unless it is untreated? I have a hypothyroid (due to having kids) and I don't have a mental disorder of course I have to take a pill everyday for the rest of my life.
Posted by Porpus
Covington, LA
Member since Aug 2022
1643 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:00 pm to
quote:

You think there’s a difference?



I may get some of the terminology slightly wrong here, but I had someone explain to me that most of what people categorize as "mental health issues" are not mental illness per se, but are instead properly described as "personality disorders" or "mood disorders."

The only meaningful distinction psychiatry draws is between all that crap (depressed, borderline, etc.) and real, organic problems like schizophrenia or mental retardation. Moreover, psychiatry basically acknowledges an element of personal responsibility in the first category of issues.

I think a lot of people who claim "mental health issues" would benefit from acknowledging this distinction. Someone who's depressed or avoidant or whatever is not an innocent victim. They're more like someone who injured himself due to a poor decision, or a Type II diabetic.
Posted by Bamadiver
Member since Jun 2014
3226 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:04 pm to
Hypothyroidism can manifest with cognitive impairment and distress. Hyper can contribute to agitative states and psychosis. Both versions were highly prevalent in her cousins. As you say, easily treated until you toss in the bipolar/schizoaffective aspect where the patient starts and stops meds.

Edit: Just easier to say it's like pouring gas on a fire.
This post was edited on 1/3/24 at 2:08 pm
Posted by Mid Iowa Tiger
Undisclosed Secure Location
Member since Feb 2008
18677 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:07 pm to
My ex had severe post birth depression and her family has a history of bi-polar and other shite.

She was cra cra I just didn’t realize how cra cra until post divorce.
Posted by Motownsix
Boise
Member since Oct 2022
1982 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:09 pm to
Every married baw can tell you that the wife is cra cra.
Posted by Mike da Tigah
Bravo Romeo Lima Alpha
Member since Feb 2005
58901 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:11 pm to
Yes

Very debilitating mental illness. She was abused as a child, and she had her first episode of audible delusions and extreme paranoia during a snow episode when we lived out of state. To the best of my knowledge, it didn’t run in the family, but she internalized a lot of stuff, so who really knows the truth of all that? I returned home one evening to half of our stuff gone and she not there. Sometime later we talked and she said she was off to find herself or whatever. It eventually ended in divorce, and that was for the best as we had no kids in the equation. I cannot imagine going through all of that then or today with kids involved.
Posted by redstick13
Lower Saxony
Member since Feb 2007
38547 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:14 pm to
quote:

Damn, that’s terrible. Did y’all have any kids?


No kids together thankfully but she has done some terrible things to my stepdaughter. To the point that my stepdaughter has cut off all communication with her.
Posted by Penrod
Member since Jan 2011
39406 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:17 pm to
quote:

Every married baw can tell you that the wife is cra cra
Not my wife. We've been together since 1979 and the only time she had a crazy spell was when she was in her early 30s and we had four small kids - so very understandable lol.
Posted by mahdragonz
Member since Jun 2013
6939 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:20 pm to
Honestly, if it's bad then let them get arrested. Don't intervene and limit their exposure to finances.

If they are really mentally ill, they won't stop and if they aren't they will not be as destructive as you think they are.

Don't try to save them, but that's good advice for anything.
Posted by The Third Leg
Idiot Out Wandering Around
Member since May 2014
10053 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:20 pm to
quote:

I realized after leaving my wife of 17 years she is not only a covert (vulnerable) narcissist but she also has Borderline Personality disorder.

Bet that sex was off the charts.
Posted by Tom288
Jacksonville
Member since Apr 2009
20995 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:37 pm to
quote:

Someone who's depressed or avoidant or whatever is not an innocent victim. They're more like someone who injured himself due to a poor decision, or a Type II diabetic.


And what are you basing this on? Depression has an innumerable number of causes and manifests in different forms. There's a difference between someone experiencing a depressive episode and someone who deals with refractory depression, for example.

Personality disorders, avoidant in particular, are almost always the result of genetic predispositions and external trauma, often a combination of both. A person doesn't screw their way up into a personality disorder due to bad choices. Bad choices are a result of, not entirely because responsibility still plays a factor, the personality disorder in most cases.
Posted by Jim Rockford
Member since May 2011
98203 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:39 pm to
She has chronic treatment resistant depression. She had it when I met her but some big life stressors have made it worse. There used to be periods of remission that lasted months or years but it's been about two years now with no letup.
Posted by Northshore Aggie
Mandeville, LA
Member since Sep 2022
4729 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:46 pm to
quote:

And what are you basing this on? Depression has an innumerable number of causes and manifests in different forms. There's a difference between someone experiencing a depressive episode and someone who deals with refractory depression, for example. Personality disorders, avoidant in particular, are almost always the result of genetic predispositions and external trauma, often a combination of both. A person doesn't screw their way up into a personality disorder due to bad choices. Bad choices are a result of, not entirely because responsibility still plays a factor, the personality disorder in most cases.

i think he's just saying that they are, at least partially, in control of their own actions. i think the "injured himself due to a poor decision" refers to problems incurred as a result of the disorder, not the existence of the disorder itself. he could have worded it better, but i think you're saying the same thing. maybe not, maybe i'm misunderstanding his post.
Posted by LegendInMyMind
Member since Apr 2019
54389 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:48 pm to
Not a spouse, but with a serious girlfriend.

She was "normal" when we started dating. I was just out of high school and she was a year younger than me. We started dating my junior and her sophomore year, and actually became serious after we both graduated. It became evident early on that her mother was likely manic/depressive and probably had some other personality issues....undiagnosed.

Well, all was well for around four years, but for the crazy mom. I got to know her mom over the years and knew how she was. I started seeing the same thing in her daughter....gradual at first, then more and more.

I only broke it off after her stepdad (had been married to her mom for a decade or so, and wasn't far from leaving her for good) came to my house. We talked for over an hour and he just told me what it was like. It took a couple more months, but I finally broke it off.

It was just surreal watching her turn into her mom. Sad, too, because she hated that woman.

It was around a six-and-a-half year slow motion trainwreck.
This post was edited on 1/3/24 at 2:55 pm
Posted by mikelbr
Baton Rouge
Member since Apr 2008
47511 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:50 pm to
quote:

I realized after leaving my wife of 17 years she is not only a covert (vulnerable) narcissist but she also has Borderline Personality disorder.




How does that go unnoticed over so many years.

I personally have friends who divorced crazy bitches but the common theme for these folks is the crazy/hot matrix thing. They were usually really hot and guys will overlook a lotta crazy for an attractive partner.

Is that what happened to you?
Posted by LSURussian
Member since Feb 2005
126962 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:50 pm to
quote:

Has anyone here dealt with the onset of mental illness with their spouse?
No, I have not, but my wife has...
This post was edited on 1/3/24 at 3:40 pm
Posted by Northshore Aggie
Mandeville, LA
Member since Sep 2022
4729 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:54 pm to
quote:

How does that go unnoticed over so many years.

many people dont even know what BPD is at all. the symptoms can indeed be very covert. it's not that it goes unnoticed, per se, it's that you dont know what the hell is wrong and what is going on in the relationship. you might even think you are the one who is crazy. it's wild man.
Posted by dgnx6
Baton Rouge
Member since Feb 2006
68700 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:56 pm to
quote:

Sometime later we talked and she said she was off to find herself or whatever.


Lol thats just a mid life crisis for women, not a mental illness.


I was dating a girl and it went to shite. Like i always thought she was a lil crazy, but woman crazy. I found this bitch was purging herself every place we went. It started getting weird her constant going to the bathroom, so I thought it was drugs. She was vomiting. Which is strange because she wasn't fat. Even looking at younger pictures of her, she wasn't a fat kid. That's a mental illness.






This post was edited on 1/3/24 at 3:02 pm
Posted by Bamadiver
Member since Jun 2014
3226 posts
Posted on 1/3/24 at 2:57 pm to
quote:

you are the one who is crazy
THIS! Reality can get warped so badly that you start questioning your own sanity. It is brutal.
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