re: had funeral detail today - handing over the flag should be rough

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Hope you’re doing well, Butch.

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I'm hanging in there ok...the service was beautiful, High Episcopalians really know how to do such things...

Dough, I get where you are coming from, but to me part of being a solider is performing the mission properly no matter what the circumstances (I hope this makes sense to you)...this was personal and the two young officers who assisted me were first rate, the thanks we got afterwards told me that we did it right!!!

I presented the flag to my Aunt when my cousin died. Kinda rough.

My wife and I are both Veterans, we are eligible for Arlington, we will be buried at Barrancas National Cemetery.

We are requesting Military Honors at our funeral service.

Some things I would never do again, Military Service to the USA is not one of them

Let me offer some suggestions to help with arrangements when/if you ever have to deal with this:

1 - copy of discharge papers, remember if your vet was discharged before November 1950, there was no such thing as a DD-214, you'll need to look for a War Department or Navy Department discharge form...don't think that the GS-3 clerk at the VA will know that subtle difference!!!

2 - for all the things that can legitimately said about funeral directors, my experience is that they're very cooperative with getting the flag and helping to arrange for an honor guard...

3 - if you can get a local veteran's organization to support, I recommend it highly...these folks are performing the duty because they want to, and the better ones will provide the full honor guard, rifle squad, chaplain, and bugler

4 - find out what your vet wants!!! preferably get in writing and notarized!!! will avoid any amount of pissing contests among siblings...

Thanks to all of you and your family members that served! As Butch said, ask questions and plan ahead.

My father was a WWII Army Air Corps vet and he told me many years prior to his passing that he did not want one flower on his casket - only his flag. He passed in 2008 and even though it was short notice (isn’t it always?) we accomplished all that he asked, even an Air Force themed casket. The funeral director was as understanding and helpful as we could ask for. Although a terrible time for me, I think I shed tears more due to swelling with pride than from sorrow. We had a bunch of pics from his barracks with his buddies, his discharge papers signed by Harry S. Truman, and his continuing veterans benefits explanation signed by Gen Omar Bradley.

So, yes, ask questions and pre-arrange. It may sound somewhat morbid but at least you know exactly what your family member wishes.

Again, thanks and much respect to all of you who serve/served.

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Old timers here should remember me talking about a funeral I attended at Arlington a few years back...it felt mechanical to me and at that point I changed my mind about wanting the full field grade sendoff.

Anyway, just some editorial thoughts from me...wondering what the OT would seriously think? (yeah sure!!!)

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I don't remember your Arlington thread, but you might enjoy watching a National Geographic DVD titled "Arlington: Field of Honor". I've been to Arlington and knew a fair amount about its history and operation, but found the DVD very informative. Obviously, they cover things like the Custis-Lee background story, the Tomb of the Unknowns, JFK, and the Old Guard. But they also cover what goes into making a funeral happen properly. From the grave diggers and groundskeepers on up the food chain, everyone involved is extremely respectful and sincerely trying to make things perfect for the families.

They followed a funeral director trying to manage several funerals in one day (I can't remember how many burials take place daily, but it's quite a few. Maybe in the 30s... Some are delayed during the Winter until the weather warms up.) The DVD was made in 2004, so things were hot in Iraq. The funeral director mentioned how much more difficult KIA funerals were because of the young families involved and parents burying their child, instead of children burying a parent who had led a long life.

The active duty soldier laid to rest that day was Special Forces Sergeant Major Micheal Stack. He was a 48 year old father of six and had three grandchildren. It was tough for me to watch that funeral and I'd never heard of the guy, much less knew him. I don't know how those soldiers can keep their shite together while seeing those heartbroken families.

Anyhoo, just my opinion, but while the soldiers and staff portrayed in the DVD may look mechanical, everyone interviewed sounded as if they deeply cared about the process.

A few years back, I went to Arlington with my three young nephews who were about 6, 9 and 11 at the time. We took a long walk among the tombstones and I was explaining to them that you could learn something about the person by what was inscribed on his stone. We took a few notes and googled names for additional information at the hotel that night. If you change your mind and decide to be interred at Arlington, you may end up being the topic of an impromptu history lesson for a bunch of strangers. So that's something to look forward to!

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instructions are to pour my ashes on top of my daughter's casket at the family grave in Old Algiers...

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Damn, tvarisch, I read that line and I immediately got all misty. I am so sorry for your loss no matter how long it's been since you lost your daughter.

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Damn, tvarisch, I read that line and I immediately got all misty. I am so sorry for your loss no matter how long it's been since you lost your daughter.

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and it just hit me...she would have been 33 today...she made it 17 minutes...

Butch, I believe I read this gentleman's obituary a day or so ago if it was the one sent out by the local alumni organization...sounds like he was a heck of an individual.

As far as your thoughts concerning the military funeral, I think the funeral is actually done for those left to mourn after your passing, so I would try to get a feeling for what they would like before you make a firm decision on your own arrangements.

Thank you for your service as well as what you did today...I assure you that what you did left those folks as proud as could be.

I was on the receiving end when my father passed away. Very emotional

Thank you to all veterans for your service and sacrifice.