re: Grandparents, if your son or daughter in law stopped you from talking or seeing your grand

I have a lot of crazy people in my family. It took years of experience before finally figuring out how to deal with this type of shite:

I can't make a brother be a brother or a mom be a mom or a dad be a dad. You just have to let that go. It's hard, but you don't need that kind of stuff in your life.

What’s so wrong with that?
Especially if the so is a miserable moody person that complains all the time

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She has tried. Told them both she doesn’t have a clue what was wrong or what she did but she was sorry. I told her don’t ever do that again. Told her when they need a baby sitter tell them no. They just using her because they know she wants to see her grandkids and will eat shite to be able to see them. I told her that is abuse.

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Unfortunately the ones who have the kids, make the rules and set the boundaries. If the only way your mom can see her grand kids is when they need babysitting, then it is something. To refuse is only punishing the kids and your mom in the long run.

Eventually the kids will be old enough to have a relationship with your mom without interference from the parents. Refusing to have the kids to punish the parents now only hurts whatever future relationships may happen with the grand kids.

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There definitely seems to be more at play here than OP is giving us. I only know a couple of people in this situation (outside my family) and, in both cases, the grandparent done fricked up somehow or another. Women are manipulative as frick, man. Ole Mom may be able to play the victim card perfectly to isolate the DIL when, in all actuality, ole Mom knows she was the one to start this shite storm. Could be something she said about the DIL, something she did to the kids, talked shite about DIL's family...who knows, but there's definitely something more at play here.

Very seldom is it someone is completely innocent and caught in such a situation.

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Yea, all this.

nothing you can do if those two dont "both" want to talk it out at settle the bad feelings.

simple solution is she can stay in car and just not come in but pick up and drop off grand kids without ever speaking to mother in law

here is a hot take, bitches be crazy, even moms, so men cant make things better only they can.

have brother and mom talk and work something out so grand kids can visit as much as possible while understanding wifey wants no part in spending any time at all with mom any more

my sister in law and his wife are pretty close to the same situation as you describe. her "issues" are she just cant stand being around us because we dont spend every waking moment of every day wanting to know every facet of what they do. thats how her family was but our family is very laid back as far as "waiting" to be asked or included in things, because people may not always want the whole family involved in everything little thing in their lives, and she finds that as we dont care enough to deserve her love.

we just ignored them and their stupidity and now after 6-8 years of not speaking they now occasionally stop by for a visit to be cordial.

personally i think they just want to be in contact so they dont miss out on any inheritance money when mom and dad die.

bottom line is all you can do is you and if they dont want to be part of the family let them do them, just ask the drop the kids off and pick them up in the driveway so the kids can visit with grandma. in time they may get over whatever petty BS is the issue

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There definitely seems to be more at play here than OP is giving us. I only know a couple of people in this situation (outside my family) and, in both cases, the grandparent done fricked up somehow or another. Women are manipulative as frick, man. Ole Mom may be able to play the victim card perfectly to isolate the DIL when, in all actuality, ole Mom knows she was the one to start this shite storm. Could be something she said about the DIL, something she did to the kids, talked shite about DIL's family...who knows, but there's definitely something more at play here.

Very seldom is it someone is completely innocent and caught in such a situation.

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Yup.

TLDR.........

I wouldn't say I have crazy people in my family. But I do know what I have seen happen with my 2 brothers, their wives and families.

I am much younger than both of my brothers. So i was in my teens living at home when both of my brothers got married and started having families. So I watched the shite start from blazes to fricking wildfires that ended up leading to the death of one of my brothers.

My Parents are devout catholics, they are very opinionated, and believe that their way is the way, the truth and the light. I love my parents, they have good hearts, and only want the best. But it's obvious to anyone with parents that are involved, their way almost always isn't the way for their kids.

So my older brother married an awesome woman who happen to have a child out of wedlock as a teen, married and divorced the dad. Eventually met my brother, dated and got married. Of course my parents had a problem with that. The fact they lived together before they were married and of course her having a child, and being divorced. Well, my brother was already at odds with my parents for some choices he made during his life. Once my sister in law told them in no uncertain terms to get fricked, we are a family, we are married, this is how things are going to be, my parents were all up in my brothers shite over their decisions, choices etc. Over the years their relationship got so much better once they say what an awesome DIL they had. Well once they decided to leave the catholic church for a different non denominational place, my parents lost their shite. They were devestated. Once again, my SIL had to tell them this is the way it is, there is nothing you can do about it. My parents had not choice to accept it. Those two have the most well mannered, respectful, greatest 7 kids you could ask for. None of them are frickups.......yet! lol

This story get's longer.....

My second brother dates his high school sweetheart, my parents hate her. They move to Houston and elope. My parents lose it. Years laters, they move back to our hometown, they have a come to jesus meeting with my parents, patch things up as best as they can. They start having kids, they go to church, all is good. They have a spoiled first child, my parents don't like how she's raised, and it starts shite with my brother and SIL. They patch that up. Move on to second child. My sister in law, gets pregnant while going to school, and has the child before grad school. Mom and dad basically raise the boy while parents work and she goes to school. They live across the street, life is good. The house they lived in, my parents dumped a lot of money in to to renovate so they can move in, by my brother and SIL pay notes for. Everything is good until she gets out of school, working, and they want to move into a bigger house. They sell the current house, and my parents flip out. They demand repayment for all of the renovations. Had never mentioned it before. That was the first crack in the finale. Eventually they stop going to church which leads my mom and dad to start questioning the kids on whether or not they go, and then my brother and SIL find out, which leads to huge fight..... this leads to no visiting, brother drops off son to see my parents, and doesn't even get out of truck to say hi. Just leaves after his kids get out.

shite really just gets worse from there, my brother ends up comitting suicides a couple years later due to drama with his business, and a shitty relationship with his family. Now my former SIL, lives states away, parents never see but maybe once a year. At least my SIL wasn't a total shite, was adult enough to let the son fly down to spend time with my parents until he graduated high school. But that's about as good as it'll ever be.

My parents have seemed to learn their lesson from all that. They haven't really fricked with me and my wife too much. But occasionally my mom will to give unsolicted advice on how to raise my boys. Especially when it comes to church related stuff. I think she knows we don't go, but if she knew without a doubt, she'd lose it, and start shite with us. Difference with me is, I don't give a frick. I'll just keep my boys with me and they won't see them until they learn to keep their opinions to themselves. They aren't going to use my kids as pawns in their games.


TLDR......... you all can eat shite if you read it this far.....!

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TLDR......... you all can eat shite if you read it this far.....!

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My daughters had somewhere to go so my wife decided to drive also so she could leave a day earlier than everyone else would. She blew up!

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Sounds like the wife made a reasonable decision, and the Mom overreacted.

If the Mom reacts that way to that, I can only imagine all the other stuff she's pulled over the years.


The OP framed it, or at least the replies took it as the wife's fault, but I have a sneaky suspicion this one is on the Mom and the wife may not really be wrong for wanting nothing to do with her.

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She can’t stand being around my mom and I know she can be overbearing at times like any other grand mother but she literally hates my mom.

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my experience is that if someone doesn't want a parent in their lives, then its probably the parents fault. Not 100% true as there are lots of horrible people out there.

I can promise you your brother is having input on this, and he is ok with less contact.