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re: Grandparents, if your son or daughter in law stopped you from talking or seeing your grand

Posted on 8/6/18 at 10:41 am to
Posted by Dupont3
Keithville
Member since Nov 2011
1978 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 10:41 am to
This story is so similar to my brother. The brother needs to grow a set and tell his wife to suck it up. Mom may need to do some damage control if she did something wrong.
Posted by brian_wilson
Member since Oct 2016
3581 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 10:42 am to
quote:

Witholding grandkids is a very childish move.

Shitty parents usually make shitty grandparents.

I know my sister won't leave her children alone with my father and step mother. She won't cut him out, but she controls access tightly. He (and step mother) drinks a lot, and my sister is concerned about the kids. One time the younger of children started wailing on the way home from something, and my step mother told the child (about 5) to get out and walk home if she couldn't stop crying. They actually stopped the car and made the kid get out of it.

Posted by brian_wilson
Member since Oct 2016
3581 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 10:43 am to
quote:

Which raises another important question for the OP....has he sat down and discussed what's going on with his brother or did he just go ahead and let that bridge burn to kiss mom's arse?


I would guess his mother is a narcissist, and the OP is trying to keep her from having a fit.
Posted by Tigersaint09
St Petersburg
Member since Dec 2013
1128 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 10:47 am to
quote:

I get that what I meant was wants to do so much for the kids. Be involved when she sees them. Problem I have is she doesn’t talk to my mom, my wife, me and wasn’t talking to my sister and brother in law until it was said she needed to so it would be normal at workplace. When you look at it, she is the common on in all of this everyone else gets a long great


Take an English course lol
Posted by shel311
McKinney, Texas
Member since Aug 2004
112944 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 10:47 am to
quote:

This story is so similar to my brother. The brother needs to grow a set and tell his wife to suck it up. Mom may need to do some damage control if she did something wrong.

Maybe the brother agrees with the wife because of all the shite the Mom has done over the years has earned her this ousting from the family.
Posted by LNCHBOX
70448
Member since Jun 2009
89386 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 10:48 am to
quote:

Witholding grandkids is a very childish move. She needs to grow up.



What if the grandparent is a pedophile?

Unrelated.... I have an step fatherinlaw (inb4trashy) that is bipolar and refuses to take his meds right and drinks, which makes him super unstable. As such, he is not allowed to be around my daughter. Do I need to grow up?
This post was edited on 8/6/18 at 10:49 am
Posted by statman34
Member since Feb 2011
3852 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 11:11 am to
quote:

Maybe the brother agrees with the wife because of all the shite the Mom has done over the years has earned her this ousting from the family.


This. Before everyone dogpiles on the brother and sister-in-law, maybe there is a reason for what is going on. Sometimes appearances can be deceiving. There are a lot of narcissistic and toxic grandparents from that generation that appear wonderful to outsiders or one side of the family, but don't show that side to everyone, thus leading everyone to believe it is not them that is causing strife.
Posted by foshizzle
Washington DC metro
Member since Mar 2008
40599 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 11:18 am to
quote:

My mom is having this problem with my brother and his wife


Then it isn't your problem and you shouldn't get involved.
Posted by AUjim
America
Member since Dec 2012
3835 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 11:34 am to
My brother's mother in law has absolutely been accurately described as one of the most caring people in the world who would do anything for anyone. She has an incredibly kind heart, she loves fiercely.



HOWEVER>>>>>>>the other side of the story is that she does all of these things with an expectation of something in return, she is incredibly unstable emotionally, she has zero coping skills, she is highly emotionally manipulative, she loves to be a victim. They haven't and don't plan to cut her off, but they've considered it. Sometimes her shite is just too much to handle and could very possibly be detrimental to my niece and nephew down the road without appropriate boundaries.

So....loving, sweet, and caring....are not mutually exclusive with f*cking nuts.

Posted by StupidBinder
Jawja
Member since Oct 2017
6392 posts
Posted on 8/6/18 at 12:05 pm to
quote:

Then it isn't your problem and you shouldn't get involved.


This.

OP, the reality is that there are, in fact, legitimate reasons to keep grandparents away from grandkids. Are you certain that your brother and SIL don’t have one? Are you certain that you have all the details of all of their interactions?

If you intervene in the way some of these keyboard hero’s in this thread have suggested, you could end up making whatever is going on here worse.
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