re: Getting financially screwed in divorce

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I’m divorced three times. I’ve got nothing for ya

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Why did you get married that 3rd time?

Your picker is obviously broken.

What he didn't mention was they started dating when he was 25

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don't know the secret search words.

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did you search using his username?

It sounds like there is already enough money for the kids future to be secured (through 18), so you have the option to just stop being a producer.
Buy a camper and live permanently in a campground, spend your time working out, cooking meat on a pit, taking long walks and pondering the meaning of life. Become so cool that your kids will want to be around you whether or not you’re buying them shite all the time.
At least that’s what my weird arse would want to do.

This has been an extremely sobering thread. I've always been ambivalent / indifferent to marriage, but more and more I am thinking it would be better to never get married. Or to absolutely insist on a prenup if it ever came to that.

Why do women come across as absolute vipers in the majority of these stories? Granted we're biased towards our fellow posters here, but to a man they all seem like hard working guys who just love their kids.

Whereas the women seem like a pack of vipers who either cheat, get mind-poisoned by their bitter female friends, or turn into bloodsucking vampires during the divorce process, cruelly looking to hurt the man as much as possible regardless of his good character or good will. Full of spite, vengeful and vindictive. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned. Sadistic even.

Some interesting tidbits from the Soft White Underbelly interviews about marriage and divorce:

Divorce attorney James Sexton: 'I've had very, very staunchly feminist clients who changed their mind about how feminist they were when they got told that they were going to have to pay alimony.' I guess men and women are equal until it comes time to pay alimony. Although he did note that most men turn alimony down as a matter of male pride / honor.

Psychologist Sadia Khan: 'One of the things I always ask women is, 'Are you going to have sex with him after you divorce, for the rest of your life?' And she's like, 'Why would I do that?' I'm like, 'Then why do you expect payment for the rest of your life?' She goes on to say that women want the perks of marriage after the divorce without giving anything in return, and that getting half from divorce creates a culture of sadistic women.

Couple all that with the striking rates of lesbian divorce, and you have to wonder what is up with women. They don't even seem to like each other, constantly backstabbing and dragging each other down. Or the threads here where even female posters admitted that work places were drama-free unless they were being run by women or there were a bunch of female employees.

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They should have an age factor for these sort of divorce settlements regarding retirement money.

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Maybe not age factor, but divorce "benefits" should no be indefinite. Married for 10 years, 10 years of payment on the table, married for 2 years, 2 years of payment on the table.

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She has her own damn pension and didn't add squat to her Roth. Gonna be painful lesson.

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I know nothing about divorce, but with community property, would you get half of her pension, too? I'm sure not close to your level, but better than nothing.

And it sucks, but while married, I would think there was no "your" Roth or "her" Roth. Could have been spreading contributions evenly between two Roths or making sure contributions went to both.

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Although he did note that most men turn alimony down as a matter of male pride / honor.

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I can definitely see this being the case.. i was married/divorced form a woman who came from WAY more money than i did (her parents own half of the small town where they currently live) and I could have asked for a substantial payout/palimony payments from her, and probably been awarded them.. but honestly it barely even crossed my mind due to the pride factor, also because we ended amicably and i dint want her or our mutual friends to think less of me… many posters here will probably think i was fricking stupid and should have squeezed her for as much as i could get, turnabout being fair play and all- but it’s just not how im wired, i guess .


I do feel extremely lucky though, when reading threads like this- that i am now wise enough to know i will NEVER again enter into a religious governmental contract like marriage .. im not religious, and im not a fan of government - so i dont see the point , especially when ‘next time’ i might not be as lucky and could lose half my ish in a divorce .

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Married for 10 years, 10 years of payment on the table,

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Why?

Best solution was not to get married, unfortunately. With the divorce rate what it is…well, people are really rolling the dice. It’s not like past generations where people had limited options and were heavily incentivized to make things work. People will walk out over NOTHING today and take your pension with them.

She has no incentive to settle fairly either.

The longer this drags out the more home equity she collects in the end. She moved out, not me. I want the house, not her.

Sickening process.