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1
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:16 pm to crazyatthecamp
One of the worst days in my divorce prep was when I was talking to a financial auditor and she literally started screaming at me that I was going to get screwed, and that “if you want justice, you’re not going to find it in a courtroom.” That shook me so bad that I didn’t eat for days.
Luckily, I prepped like crazy, searched until I found a lawyer who had worked with my wife’s lawyer in the past and knew how to deal with her, and I got a judge who saw through my wife’s BS after we showed multiple examples of her flat out lying in her discovery. I came out far, far better than I expected, even though it was still a heavy loss.
Luckily, I prepped like crazy, searched until I found a lawyer who had worked with my wife’s lawyer in the past and knew how to deal with her, and I got a judge who saw through my wife’s BS after we showed multiple examples of her flat out lying in her discovery. I came out far, far better than I expected, even though it was still a heavy loss.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:20 pm to Mo Jeaux
quote:
Why?
Geared more towards shorter marriages. Gets more complicated with longer marriages.
Point trying to get across is that a spousal benefit after divorce should not be for life if only married for a short period of time.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:24 pm to John Casey
quote:
Gets more complicated with longer marriages.
Personally, I don't think it should. Someone should not continue to receive the benefit of a contract if the contract has been terminated. Nordic countries do this much better.
Child support is one thing, but a former spouse should at the most get a year or two of some financial support while they make alternative arrangements to support themselves (and that's only if they weren't really employed during the marriage).
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:25 pm to crazyatthecamp
quote:
Yes I could see the Roth and pension contributions being split evenly if i was the only worker and she was a stay at home mom. Or even if she worked part time. But the case is we both worked full time. The entire marriage. The same job. I just had more experience and pay and saved. To come for that portion now is completely immoral. And completely legal. In these states, the millisecond you marry someone who doesn't save or have as much saved away prior to the marriage.....you are at a complete financial disadvantage and outleveraged. Just be careful out there folks.
No offense but everything you say makes me believe that you and she never got the point of marriage. “What’s mine is ours” is a bare minimum aspect of marriage. If you don’t even have that mindset, why did you get married at all?
”my checking account”, “my retirement” etc are incompatible with coming into complete union with another person. And isn’t that union what we are seeking? Isn’t the world a lonely place for most people and getting lonelier?
Young men out there who aren’t seeking a lifelong and ultimate companion and aren’t willing to risk their money for a chance at this certainly should remain alone or in the company of the type of women who will be ok with that. But don’t waste the time and feelings of marriage-minded women if you aren’t actually seeking that in earnest.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:28 pm to Earnest_P
quote:
”my checking account”, “my retirement” etc are incompatible with coming into complete union with another person. And isn’t that union what we are seeking? Isn’t the world a lonely place for most people and getting lonelier?
OK, but now that union is being broken. Should she continue to have access to those items?
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:31 pm to John Casey
quote:
I know nothing about divorce, but with community property, would you get half of her pension, too? I'm sure not close to your level, but better than nothing.
Have a friend going through this, much worse than the OP. Married his high school sweetheart. He has a government job and has the years to retire. He was in the middle of drop when she got that early 40’s itch for new d!ck. She filed for divorce. Now she wants half of his retirement for the rest of her life and is even trying to get money from his vacation leave that he built up for 20+ years.
She had a normal office job with a 401k that might have 60k in it. Think he was in line to get about 80k a year off his retirement. He’s beyond livid to say the least.
This post was edited on 2/23/24 at 1:32 pm
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:35 pm to crazyatthecamp
quote:
Yes I could see the Roth and pension contributions being split evenly if i was the only worker and she was a stay at home mom. Or even if she worked part time.
But the case is we both worked full time. The entire marriage. The same job. I just had more experience and pay and saved
But in the court's eyes, there is no distinction between income during a marriage.
Let's say for example Spouse 1 makes $100k and Spouse 2 makes $100k.
Spouse 1 is in charge of family finances.
Spouse 1 decides that 20% of Spouse 1 Salary will go to Spouse 1 retirement and 0% will cover household expenses such as childcare, vacations, etc.
Spouse 1 decides that 5% of Spouse 2 salary will go to Spouse 2 retirement and 15% will cover the household expenses.
In a divorce, should Spouse 1 then be able to keep full retirement with no allocation?
I know it's a simple example, but it's the lens through which it will be viewed.
Best bet will be to try and find as much documentation of pre-wedding balance as possible and try to protect as much between now and when divorce is final.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:35 pm to Mo Jeaux
quote:
OK, but now that union is being broken. Should she continue to have access to those items?
I think the divorce laws are remnants of a time when marriage meant something more than it does now. However, I would prefer not to throw the baby out with the bath water, meaning I personally wouldn’t vote to change the laws in a way that made women more vulnerable to financial hardships post divorce. What I’m thinking of is the multiple situations I know of where women ended up struggling the rest of their lives while the husband moved on and had a fine life even if he took a financial hit from the divorce. These modern situations where the woman earns as much as the man are still not the norm and either way, I think men are naturally protected in that we can easily remain attractive into older age.
This OP, where the woman has a good job and filed for divorce, well, she can get bent. Unless OP is lying about the situation.
This post was edited on 2/23/24 at 1:38 pm
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:44 pm to Earnest_P
If she was obsessed with her kids she wouldn’t want them to grow up in a broken home.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:54 pm to biohzrd
quote:
The reason my ex and I got divorced was bc all of her bff’s did, and she wanted to go out and do things with them.
After years on this site, my biggest takeaway is that if your wife has a bunch of awful human being friends and wants to constantly go do "girls night" with them at Jason Aldean and such, you're completely and utterly screwed.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 1:54 pm to Earnest_P
quote:
think the divorce laws are remnants of a time when marriage meant something more than it does now. However, I would prefer not to throw the baby out with the bath water, meaning I personally wouldn’t vote to change the laws in a way that made women more vulnerable to financial hardships post divorce.
Then she shouldn't break a contract. Again, I think the Nordic countries have it right, and we have it wrong. Contract is terminated, you no long receive the benefits of that contract (with certain reasonable exceptions).
Posted on 2/23/24 at 2:00 pm to Mo Jeaux
quote:
Personally, I don't think it should. Someone should not continue to receive the benefit of a contract if the contract has been terminated. Nordic countries do this much better.
Child support is one thing, but a former spouse should at the most get a year or two of some financial support while they make alternative arrangements to support themselves (and that's only if they weren't really employed during the marriage).
I'm more on your side. I just don't think the U.S. System will ever come to that so trying to think of some middle ground, since common sense gets thrown out the window in a divorce.
Watched some documentary called Divorce Corp a few years ago and it's enfuriating how bad the U.S. System is.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 2:12 pm to crazyatthecamp
Sounds like your lawyer wasnt top tier.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 2:28 pm to Mo Jeaux
quote:
OK, but now that union is being broken. Should she continue to have access to those items?
What married couple separates savings into "his" and "hers" accounts? They both worked and I'm sure decided that he would do the 401k while she paid for other stuff. Most married people assume they will retire together. Who cares what name is on the account? That's almost laughable.
Flip this script. What if the savings went into "her" 401k and his paycheck just went to pay for other stuff. Would he then not be able to access money they saved together during the marriage?
Posted on 2/23/24 at 3:06 pm to crazyatthecamp
quote:
There is no cheating
quote:
just a different person
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:15 pm to HouseMom
quote:
What married couple separates savings into "his" and "hers" accounts? They both worked and I'm sure decided that he would do the 401k while she paid for other stuff. Most married people assume they will retire together. Who cares what name is on the account? That's almost laughable.
Flip this script. What if the savings went into "her" 401k and his paycheck just went to pay for other stuff. Would he then not be able to access money they saved together during the marriage?
There's obviously wiggle room. I can see treating something like a retirement account differently. I'm referring to things like alimony in general.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:23 pm to crazyatthecamp
quote:
I figure I get:
50 50 time with the kids
the house and interest rate
the truck
the boat
the dog
Better deeper friendships and some new ones
A strong relationship with father in law and wife
Kids stay in private school where I want them
A much cleaner more peaceful house
She gets
50 50 time with the kids
A bunch of unearned money from me
Apartment living for now
the cat
dude you are gonna get killed, this is the most wishful thinking I have ever seenPosted on 2/23/24 at 4:25 pm to HouseMom
quote:
What married couple separates savings into "his" and "hers" accounts? They both worked and I'm sure decided that he would do the 401k while she paid for other stuff. Most married people assume they will retire together. Who cares what name is on the account? That's almost laughable.
Flip this script. What if the savings went into "her" 401k and his paycheck just went to pay for other stuff. Would he then not be able to access money they saved together during the marriage?
Exactly sorry OP but you complaining about her getting access to your savings is nonsense. Now if you want to complain about her getting access to $1M you had saved PRE-marriage, have at it.
Posted on 2/23/24 at 4:29 pm to Earnest_P
No offense taken.
I posted this on the OT so I know it's open for anything.
To your point, I agree 100%. I am not that guy.i fought for the marriage to improve and did counseling multiple times -she refused. She came from a broken home with no father. My parents have 50 years together married. I understand the sentiment.
I don't think she values the same things at the end of the day.
I posted this on the OT so I know it's open for anything.
To your point, I agree 100%. I am not that guy.i fought for the marriage to improve and did counseling multiple times -she refused. She came from a broken home with no father. My parents have 50 years together married. I understand the sentiment.
I don't think she values the same things at the end of the day.
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