re: "Foot in mouth" close calls or actual fails

I win this thread every time….



8th grade. The mom of a girl/friend from school dies unexpectedly. My buddy is her boyfriend. Him and I go to the funeral together and as we’re walking up to the steps of the church, the girl walks out. We’re kids, my buddy is nervous af, as anyone would be at that age.
She greets us and we engage in some awkward small talk that she cuts off(think she was going to get something from the hall or a car), saying something like “I’ll see yall in a bit”


My buddy: “ok, your mom and them inside?”

quote:

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Dept 56?

Edit:

Looks to be pretty good money, especially if you have Buckingham Palace. It’s $500 alone

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yes dept 56 plus a lot more. My grandmother has a shelving unit in their living room probably 20x15 with all her villages staying out year round. Nobody in the family wants it but me, she’d be willing to move it before I took possession of it if she could make a decent amount. I’d like to keep it but I don’t have room for it so I’d probably move it too, maybe we should discuss this in another thread at a later date in time once I figure out what she exactly has. She has a shite ton though

Like father like son...
My dad asked a woman when her baby was due and she replied "I had the baby 3 weeks ago"..
I asked an acquaintance "Damn your wife is pregnant again" He said "NO!"

Not a terrible one but my field tends to be majority white and we have a lot of people move to Memphis for the job. We hired a black female sales person and I said it’s nice to get someone local for a change. I felt bad when I realized that may have come across with racial overtones.

I’ve got tons.

7th grade English. We had a very pretty blond substitute while the original teacher was out on maternity leave. She and I kind of bonded the first couple weeks. So much so, that one day I noticed a red spot on the back of her white pants so I raised my hand and told her about it in front of the whole class. She turned as red as that stain, left class, and never came back. It wasn’t until I told my mom that story did I find out that she had probably started her period.

My new, pregnant wife and I were at a maternity store so that she could get some clothes. After she pick3d out a few items, she went to the back to try them on. The only other person there was the clerk who was a plump gal. She was up on a ladder hanging clothes. Thinking she’s plump and working at a maternity store, I ask her when she was due. She gives me this death stare and says I’m not. Yelled from the dressing room entrance to my wife, I’m gonna wait for you in the car.

We’re tailgating and my college aged sil comes by with her typical group of friends and a dude. Tried talking to him a few times throughout the day but he’s awkward and comes across very soft. As we’re wrapping up, my sil ask what I though about him to which I responded, well, he’s not my type but I’m sure he’ll make some dude very happy. That’s when she informed me that they were dating.

Lesson on don’t kiss and tell. Hooked up with a girl outside a teen club when I was 14. When we were done, I go back inside to find my group friends talking to another group of guys that I didn’t know. Started bragging and one my friends asked who it was. I pointed her out to the group and one of the guys says that’s my f’ing sister. My first random hookup and club fight happened on the same night.

The first night in my new house, I locked myself outside. Had to call Pop a Lock. The technician was very helpful and got me back in. I kept saying, “thank you, sir.” Finally the person said, “you’re welcome, but it’s ma'am.”

Waiting tables and super busy on a Friday night, got a table and practicing my step consolidation, I ran by to grab a drink order. All ordered soft drinks but I wasn’t really paying attention, I started to walk away but to confirm the drink order, I repeated back “I’m sorry, I’m retarded. Did you say two Cokes a Diet Coke and a Sprite?”.

Only then did I look down to see their son had Downs Syndrome.

I felt terrible, then I couldn’t give the table up. No one would take it so I had to wait on them for the rest of the meal. I made up for it, spent extra time with the son who I don’t even think noticed. Parents definitely did though and could tell I felt like a POS. Still tipped me!

Was on vacation with my at the time girlfriend and her parents. They were on the slightly older side. At dinner one night they mention they were looking at moving to Florida.

First thing out of my mouth is “Ah yes Gods waiting room”

Closest I ever came to the pregnancy gaffe was I was getting gas at a local station about 10 years after I’d graduated from High School. It was like September/October. Another car pulls up, it was a girl I’d graduated High School with, (OT 4-ish, she didn’t make my cut) but we were friends. She gets out and looks very pregnant. I say “Hey xxxx, congrats on the baby coming, that’ll be a nice Christmas present.” She responded “I’m not due until April.”

After that I have never commented in any way to a potentially pregnant woman about the situation.

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When’s the baby due?

I’m not pregnant

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Guilty your honor!!!!!

You make that mistake once--------only once. That is, unless you're a complete idiot, and I'm just half an idiot, so it won't happen again.