re: Follow up re: my imminent divorce UPDATE PG 20

I feel you man, but you got this. Stay active, focus on your mind set and you will come out of this a better and more rounded man. Best Wishes.

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My sadness is still there, but I feel the anger coming on.

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Try to keep a tight handle on that. It's part of the process but the anger can get you into some pickles if you are not careful.

I am not sure what your friend situation is but I would suggest you try to find a friend group you can hang out with. Perhaps rekindle some old friendships that life kind of pulled away from you, I have had that happen to me in the last decade with a group of HS friends that had drifted apart as we all went about life and moved around the country. I am not single but have the same life pressures that pulled apart a friend group from back in high school has put us all back in the proximity of each other and I can't tell how rewarding reconnecting has been, I expect it would be even more so in your situation.

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Late 30’s, single, empty house, steady job…some pluses and minuses there for me to deal with.

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I was close to that except late 20s and kids. I probably made a few bad choices but was fortunate that it didn't actually cost me anything. Loneliness is the thing that will drive bad decisions. After a short while, I made a conscious decision to take a year off of trying to fill that void with another person or even trying to get laid. I didn't set the time frame in stone, I just used it as a rough timeline to limit my pursuit of that which we men seem to find irresistible. A little self-reflection helps to generate a better you.

I will tell you from my own experience and observations of others, marriages are usually not killed because of big things, they are killed by a million little things most of which we don't realize we are doing.

I wish I had words to help you out or make things better, this struck a nerve with me because I remember what this phase was like. For me, I figured a few things out about myself including that I like being married and wanted that again if the right person came along. I was convinced I had found her but that did not work out. But through her, I met the woman I married almost 32 years ago, when people ask how we met I tell them she was with the girl I thought I was gonna marry .

Do not lose hope and also know that both you and your ex will probably look back and realize you did love each other but things just slipped away when the two of you were not paying attention or communicating thoroughly. That is the conclusion my ex and I came to long ago.

Sorry, I know I was wordy

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Am I the only one wondering why you paid for a trip to Boston and Canada knowing your relationship was on the rocks and still did it anyway?

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Flights and hotels were booked long before I had any clue shite was going to hit the fan. Staying home in awkward silence wasn’t a good alternative to me.

It doesn’t sound like she saw stability at home growing up and this is all she knows. Whether consciously or subconsciously, she’s always going to seek chaos.

I’ll bet you she and the new guy break up within 2-3 years. You can’t see it now, but you likely dodged a bullet (baby aside). The eight marriages across her immediate family is a huge, huge red flag here.

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but she’s seemingly leaving me for a coworker who was my friend. That specific sting is getting me right now.

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If she cheated on you, good chance she’ll cheat on him too.

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leaving me for a coworker who was my friend

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just curious, what do y'all all do? you mentioned you and her do the same job, or something to that effect...

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but are seeing each other regularly

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Baby isn't yours.

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Teachers

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Then be glad it’s not a student she left you for.

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Keep ya head up, my fellow Texas Tiger...and don't drink today.

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Thank you. I have kept the alcohol at bay with the exception of the night I found out there were meet ups and lies.

Be patient.

When the dust settles, EVERY aspect of your life will improve.

Getting divorced was the best thing that has ever happened to me.