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Posted on 8/14/24 at 10:35 am to Warfarer
quote:
I ended up selling her my house that I bought before the marriage because it was cheaper than what the lawyer told me she would get easily if it went to court and my lawyer even told me the judge would get mad if I brought up the affair because "everyone cheats now".
This is absolutely insane, especially if you were only married for 6 months.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 10:55 am to HoustonChick86
quote:
He didn't like me as a person anymore. None of those ohhh he doesn't love me bs, he actively did not like me and would tell me. That's not fun to be around. I can beat myself up just fine without someone else chiming in to tell me how awful I am. I was willing to work on it, he said even an hour of his time wasn't worth it to try, so I left. Not for a lack of trying on my part, but I'm also worth more than being put down all the time. I don't ask for much, but I ask to be treated with respect. That's been resolved since the divorce, but long term as a couple it doesn't work and it was glaringly obvious.
5 paragraphs and not an ounce of responsibility coming from you
So typical
Posted on 8/14/24 at 11:23 am to piratedude
quote:
on our 20th anniversary, we were on vacation with another family. She was playing cards with the other wife. I got ready for bed, so i called her to the bedroom and gave her a string of pearls, pearl earrings and a card. She seemed surprised, had nothing for me, and said "can i return them?" then she went back to her card game. My thought was "well, that's over." I disconnected mentally and emotionally that instant, and ended it when it was convenient.
Brutal, but you must have kind of wanted to end it too if you just gave up right away like that.
This post was edited on 8/14/24 at 11:25 am
Posted on 8/14/24 at 11:38 am to HoustonChick86
quote:
I need a woman perspective, why do women initiate divorce 80% of the time?
Not a woman but it seems they are raised to be a princess at an early age and all the TV and movies have taught them that the man is supposed to sweep them off their feet when being courted . The only thing men are raised on is treat women with respect, work hard etc... None of that stuff from the movies. The man usually goes above and beyond when dating but when that slows down after marriage a lot of women still feel like they should be treated like a princess get bored and seek attention elsewhere and we know where that usually ends up. Add the fact that the court systems usually kick the man in the nuts when it comes to divorces then there are really no consequences for bolting.
This post was edited on 8/14/24 at 12:05 pm
Posted on 8/14/24 at 11:46 am to Earnest_P
quote:
you must have kind of wanted to end it too if you just gave up right away like that.
I did not want it to end, and I was actively trying to improve our marriage. We had problems several years before, and i could see us drifting apart again. I;m not demanding, but i was at my wits end. it was obvious she had checked out, so i did too. sometimes its best to forget the cheese and get out of the trap
Posted on 8/14/24 at 11:51 am to Wermanium
quote:
We are now just friends and probably better off for everyone.
Not for your kids.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 12:00 pm to Jenious
Wasnt blind sided by the separation, anyone could have seen that coming from a mile away. However, I was blind sided by being the only one actually doing the work to try and fix it. Apparently while i was working on myself for the good of our relationship she was working on completely distancing herself from me and the kids. Is what it is though and could have been worse. She didnt ask for much and while we have joint custody im the primary parent which is the best thing for the kids.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 12:03 pm to Allyn McKeen
I wish family law judges would take a tough line on "clean
outs." There was a judge in Texas who did. If you cleaned out the bank account, you were returning at least 1/2 of the money. If you cleaned out the household goods, you were likely going to have to return all of it.
If someone demonstrated that a cash clean out was intended to keep the other side from having funds to hire a lawyer, the party doing to clean out was paying the other side's attorneys fees.
It was a relatively small county. Word got around and the clean outs generally stopped.
outs." There was a judge in Texas who did. If you cleaned out the bank account, you were returning at least 1/2 of the money. If you cleaned out the household goods, you were likely going to have to return all of it.
If someone demonstrated that a cash clean out was intended to keep the other side from having funds to hire a lawyer, the party doing to clean out was paying the other side's attorneys fees.
It was a relatively small county. Word got around and the clean outs generally stopped.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 12:48 pm to chinhoyang
quote:
wish family law judges would take a tough line on "clean
outs." There was a judge in Texas who did. If you cleaned out the bank account, you were returning at least 1/2 of the money. If you cleaned out the household goods, you were likely going to have to return all of it.
Here here.
Pisses me off to this day and I will forever hate her for it. Still happier and now I’m with a great, younger, hotter woman. Ex had a friend that sucks two men dry coaching her. All good. I’ll end up ahead in the long run.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 12:49 pm to rexorotten
quote:
A friend of mine got blind sided. He left on a Friday afrernoon to go on a weekend fishing trip with a buddy. Got several miles down the road and realized he had forgotten something important. He turned around and went home and found his wife in their hot tub with his brother-in-law. (His sister's husband)
I would have 100% still took that fishing trip.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 12:55 pm to chinhoyang
Pretty sure the clean out tactic is illegal in some states. Those
Finances have to be declared and if shown that one side stole it from the other, it has to be returned in kind
Finances have to be declared and if shown that one side stole it from the other, it has to be returned in kind
Posted on 8/14/24 at 12:59 pm to Jenious
I've been divorced more than once and, each time, I knew pulling the plug was the right thing to do.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 1:10 pm to foj1981
quote:
She told me as I was leaving the house to get a colonoscopy…true story
Got it up the arse twice that day. Rough
Posted on 8/14/24 at 1:24 pm to pelicanpride
quote:
Generally, these guys get worried because their wives do shady things and don’t set appropriate boundaries. I’m a woman, but I coach my sons in baseball. Usually the only woman out there. It’s not uncommon for me to send multiple texts to other coaches (guys) in the evenings to talk about lineups, etc. I keep it strictly about baseball. My husband and I have the same passcodes to our phones, so if he ever wanted to check those messages, he could. When I’m around these guys, it’s virtually always in a public setting. If my husband is ever out of town, guess who I’m calling to hang out - the coaches’ wives. Some things are just common sense.
Mam, leave the coavhing to the real men.
I kid, I kid. Props to you for being involved in an area that many other moms would feel uncomfortable. This is the type of "Feminism" we need in this world. Don't sit on the side and cry about not being included, get your hands dirty and grab a seat at the table.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 1:37 pm to FLObserver
quote:
Not a woman but it seems they are raised to be a princess at an early age and all the TV and movies have taught them that the man is supposed to sweep them off their feet when being courted . The only thing men are raised on is treat women with respect, work hard etc... None of that stuff from the movies. The man usually goes above and beyond when dating but when that slows down after marriage a lot of women still feel like they should be treated like a princess get bored and seek attention elsewhere and we know where that usually ends up. Add the fact that the court systems usually kick the man in the nuts when it comes to divorces then there are really no consequences for bolting.
My wife and I have been together for a pretty long time so a lot of younger couples naturally ask our opinions not on divorce, but how to have happy marriages. I think the question of why most of these marriages fail is one where you could throw a dart at a dart board of options and likely be correct, at least in part regardless of where you land.
She was unhappy because she's spoiled and had unrealistic expectations? Yep
He was a straight up bum relative to loving his wife and she got sick of him? Yep
She is a whore and started sleeping around? Yep
He is manwhore and started sleeping around? Yep.
There are plenty of reasons that marriages don't work out but I think fundamentally, people suck. Men, women, they all suck. People treat others horribly and can be incredibly selfish creatures. Idk the answer as to why specifically women file for most divorces, but the ugly truth of the matter is is that human beings are fundamentally flawed and can be unbelievably cruel to each other.
I'll just give you the rundown of the divorces that I know of around me and i'll give you the reasons.
Marriage 1: Man initiated because he was banging some strange he met on a business trip and thought she was "the one."
Marriage 2: Wife initiated after man spent almost a decade in pretty heavy drug and alcohol abuse.
Marriage 3: Man was banging a friend of his wife who was also their family photographer.
Marriage 4: Pretty much they just didn't get along. Kinda equal.
Marriage 5: Wife initiated. Drugs and alcohol demon got the husband again.
This post was edited on 8/14/24 at 1:41 pm
Posted on 8/14/24 at 1:39 pm to FLObserver
quote:
The man usually goes above and beyond when dating but when that slows down after marriage a lot of women still feel like they should be treated like a princess get bored and seek attention elsewhere and we know where that usually ends up.
This is the problem.
Stop trying to woo women. Find a woman that you like that also likes you while you're being yourself.
I know that a woman a man likes may not like them back so they feel they need to put on a show and be on their "best behavior". I have a family member that does this that has now had 4 marriages annulled because as soon as the wedding happens, he falls into who he really is.
Aside from the obvious pitfalls of not having a truthful relationship, it's also a self-fulfilling prophecy for a lot of guys to be disgusting assholes.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 1:42 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
This is the problem.
Stop trying to woo women.
This is the key. There's a balance there for sure. Treat your wife well and make her feel loved but do it in a manner that isn't inauthentic to who you are. Often times when I talk to buddies who are struggling, they kinda throw the baby out with the bathwater. It's like, you can love on your wife and make her feel special without being fake. It's a balance.
Posted on 8/14/24 at 1:46 pm to FLObserver
quote:
The man usually goes above and beyond when dating but when that slows down after marriage a lot of women still feel like they should be treated like a princess get bored and seek attention elsewhere and we know where that usually ends up.
Why does it slow down? And why shouldn’t she expect that treatment if that’s how you treated her when you were dating?
Let’s swap the roles and change the word “treatment” to “sex”…sex slows down, the man starts seeking attention from elsewhere, and we know where that leads.
Everyone would agree that withholding sex is not OK in this scenario, so why would it be OK to stop treating your wife like you treated her when she was your girlfriend?
The guy who posted a few posts back is dead on. People are selfish. Selfishness kills marriages. When you start thinking about “my feelings”, “my rights”, “my assets” primarily then it’s just a matter of time before it’s over.
This post was edited on 8/14/24 at 1:47 pm
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