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Message
re: Ever had a parent beat you down? (Emotionally)
Posted on 3/28/18 at 4:44 am to OweO
Posted on 3/28/18 at 4:44 am to OweO
quote:
Yes. After my dad passed away, a few months later my mom started dating (he passed away in 1998 and my mom is now married to this person). He is a master manipulator and since no one wants to read long post from me, it got to a point where she had to pick between her kids (I have a sister 11 years older than I and a brother 10 years older than I) and she picked him. One day I overheard a conversation between the two of them and he flipped out when I let him know I overheard their conversation because he was saying opposite of what he would say "to our face" and we had it out. And for years I couldn't be around my mom more than 2 mins before we would go at it. It was exhausting in a way I can't even describe. I am sure your situation is the same way because there is nothing like dealing with parents who are selfish and I can't help but think that your mom is being extremely selfish. In my situation, I never felt true hate until the situation with my mom happened (hatred for her now husband). Things are a lot better now than they were.. But for about 10 years, everytime I had to deal with that situation it was as if I was a different person. Him and I had it out several times to the point... Since I can't really physically fight him, I wanted to go wait for him to get somewhere where I could hit him with my van.. That's how much hate I had.. But I hope your mom can come to terms with your decision. My mom's brother, he converted to Baptist when my grandfather was living..My grandfather was a devout catholic and at first he was very upset my his son for converting to Baptist and I remember my mom talking to my grandpa telling him "we all pray to the same god, there is no right or wrong religion" and that seemed to help him come to terms with it.
Qantas never crashed.
1
Posted on 3/28/18 at 6:57 am to Hangit
When I was a small child in the middle of the 70s Charimatic revolution of the church (think Jimmy Swggart), my parents found church. My older brothers remember a time when they didn’t go to church but I don’t.
For those who do not know, the Pentecostal faith is built on manipulating emotions. Anyway, as a teenager, I checked out and when I went to college, I never came back. My parents resent me for that. My mom has said some very hurtful things to me over the years and my dad told me I would be a horrible father.
My dad was the kind of man that would beat his wife and kids but freak out when a television show said a curse word. The type of legalistic household I grew up in usually produced two types of people. Those who continue the ways and those who completely reject the church.
I did neither. If I would have continued their ways all would be good. If I would have completely rejected, I would have been a prodigal that they could have used to advance themselves in their church. I did the one thing that did not benefit them at all. I learned what grace was.
So my dad, who berates me as a horrible father, looks silly when people find out that I have a PhD, a beautiful family, a nice home in the suburbs, a stable professional job and I am an active member of a Presbyterian Church.
For those who do not know, the Pentecostal faith is built on manipulating emotions. Anyway, as a teenager, I checked out and when I went to college, I never came back. My parents resent me for that. My mom has said some very hurtful things to me over the years and my dad told me I would be a horrible father.
My dad was the kind of man that would beat his wife and kids but freak out when a television show said a curse word. The type of legalistic household I grew up in usually produced two types of people. Those who continue the ways and those who completely reject the church.
I did neither. If I would have continued their ways all would be good. If I would have completely rejected, I would have been a prodigal that they could have used to advance themselves in their church. I did the one thing that did not benefit them at all. I learned what grace was.
So my dad, who berates me as a horrible father, looks silly when people find out that I have a PhD, a beautiful family, a nice home in the suburbs, a stable professional job and I am an active member of a Presbyterian Church.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:06 am to liz18lsu
Yep. My mother did not want another child when I was conceived. She cried through the whole pregnancy. When I was born, I loathed her and she loathed me. She spent my whole life punishing me for ruining hers.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:15 am to liz18lsu
reading through a lot of these replies confirms my belief that religion is absolutely toxic to this world. yes, it does some good but it isn't worth it to me.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:31 am to el Gaucho
quote:
And yes, my parents beat me all the time. But with shite that actually hurt like boat paddles and sticks, not words.
Yea well my parents threw me out as a baby and I was raised by wolves
Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:39 am to liz18lsu
People are people and just because they are your parents, why do you expect them to act any different than who they are? My advice is, stop looking at your parents as who you want them to be or how you think they should be and just simply look at them like grown adults who have issues like everyone else. The only way you can stop being emotionally beat down is to accept the fact that they are who they are and just be glad you are not them.
Also know that you yourself may think you are the normal one everyone else is crazy but know that pretty much everyone thinks they are normal and everyone else is crazy. Based on your previous posts about you thinking kissing a 50 year old biker and posting it on facebook is perfectly fine or dabbling with women is absolutely normal, trust me there are a bunch of people who view that as you being crazy.
This is way out of your control and letting it bother you emotionally will only bring you disappointment and depression. I learned a long time ago to stop worrying about things I have zero control over. You are an adult, live your own life and let the haters hate. who gives a frick what others think. If you are happy with your life then wonderful. Move on, live life and be happy. The end.
Also know that you yourself may think you are the normal one everyone else is crazy but know that pretty much everyone thinks they are normal and everyone else is crazy. Based on your previous posts about you thinking kissing a 50 year old biker and posting it on facebook is perfectly fine or dabbling with women is absolutely normal, trust me there are a bunch of people who view that as you being crazy.
This is way out of your control and letting it bother you emotionally will only bring you disappointment and depression. I learned a long time ago to stop worrying about things I have zero control over. You are an adult, live your own life and let the haters hate. who gives a frick what others think. If you are happy with your life then wonderful. Move on, live life and be happy. The end.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:45 am to liz18lsu
quote:
Just hating a mom who regrets her mistakes when I regret none of mine.
Both you and your mom have work to do on the regrets issue. If you regret none of your mistakes, you're either really fortunate in the mistakes you made (highly unlikely), you haven't considered the consequences of your mistake on other people, or you're a narcissist. You don't come across as a narcissist in your posts. When we make mistake, almost invariably, we hurt others, particularly people we love, many of whom are innocent in respect to consequences surrounding those mistakes. Those are the things I regret, mistake I made that caused hurt as a result of my actions and people I let down.
Your mom has a whole other set of issues, she's transferring her own disappointment in herself, her actions onto the product of that mistake, namely you. She sounds very unhappy and you sound like a daughter who cares despite how you mom is.
I wish I had some sage advice for you but I don't. It's a sad situation to be in for you. I would say try not to rise to the bait she casts at you and be the better person but I know that is hard and it probably really hurts every time it comes up.
Not sure how to end this very non-OT like post.
Good Luck Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:46 am to liz18lsu
Yes. It is much worse than getting your arse beat.
I was raised by two people who had more important emotional crisis in their lives to worry about the mental and emotional well being of their kids. One did nothing and one held me to standard that were almost impossible to meet. When said standards were met, no praise was given. When said standards were not met, punishment and hours of yelling and days/weeks of reminding me how terrible I was ensued. Over stuff as innocuous as a B in a class, or getting some minor discipline at school.
When I got a 29 on the ACT in 1999 as a freshman, I should have been being praised, instead I got "we can try again to get the score (your brother) got"
Being a little hard on kids is a good thing. Letting them know that it is never good enough is a terrible thing.
Still dealing with the emotional backlash as an adult today.
I was raised by two people who had more important emotional crisis in their lives to worry about the mental and emotional well being of their kids. One did nothing and one held me to standard that were almost impossible to meet. When said standards were met, no praise was given. When said standards were not met, punishment and hours of yelling and days/weeks of reminding me how terrible I was ensued. Over stuff as innocuous as a B in a class, or getting some minor discipline at school.
When I got a 29 on the ACT in 1999 as a freshman, I should have been being praised, instead I got "we can try again to get the score (your brother) got"
Being a little hard on kids is a good thing. Letting them know that it is never good enough is a terrible thing.
Still dealing with the emotional backlash as an adult today.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 7:55 am to ShoeBang
That was my dad. I brought him a paper to sign in 6th grade (when we had to get all of our tests signed). I got a 97, and he threw it at me and said bring it back when it was a 100. It was humiliating to explain that to my teacher. I know I'm an adult now and time to move on blah blah. But, unless you love through that type of treatment day in and day out, you really have no idea how much that fricks with a person forn their entire life.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:02 am to liz18lsu
quote:
Ever had a parent beat you down?
No, my parents are both pretty awesome and nothing but supportive.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:06 am to liz18lsu
quote:
Ever had a parent beat you down? (Emotionally)
quote:
liz18lsu
I'm sure you can find someone here to call daddy
ETA: After reading your posts, your mom sounds like a pretty terrible person and I hope you live a long, happy life in spite of her efforts to frick you up.
This post was edited on 3/28/18 at 8:11 am
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:07 am to liz18lsu
quote:
I am wearing 5'5 (I am 5'0) heels and he is like 6'6. Did I break it down for you?
You're short. If your head is flat enough I could set my beer on it whilst you offer me up a bj.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:27 am to liz18lsu
quote:
I explained to her my more risqué lifestyle and she was appalled. JHC woman, I am the product of an affair. I guess I just wonder where that woman is, why she pretends she just doesn't understand me. She wasn't so different once.
You sound like a teenager. You’re surprised your mother wants you to make better choices than she did?
You seem to use the “product of an affair” idea to justify your behavior.
My father spent my teenage years in the pen. I almost followed his example, but realized that I was my own man and that all my life was going to be was the sum of my decisions large and small. What I’d been through and seen were less important than decisions that I was making that day.
In short, it’s time to grow up, Elizabeth.
This post was edited on 3/28/18 at 11:12 am
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:29 am to celltech1981
quote:
reading through a lot of these replies confirms my belief that religion is absolutely toxic to this world. yes, it does some good but it isn't worth it to me.
I can see how people feel this way.
When I was in eighth grade, I had a bully problem. This guy was a POS - had failed a year or two and was in eighth grade classes while all of his friends was older. He hated school and took it out on us.
One day at lunch, he decided he wanted to sit where I was sitting. I refused and he took my tray and threw it. Of course someone saw it and he got in trouble. And of course he blamed me for him getting in trouble.
Later that day, he took a bass drum mallet (he was in the band) and beat me violently with it. He would have been arrested for it today, but back then he was just suspended.
His mother was a piece of trash who had recently remarried a preacher that my family knew. She came over to our house, brought the bully with her and proceeded to tell my parents that God said I had a demon that needed to be beaten out of me. There was no apology, and the whole thing was turned around on me. The counselors and teachers at the school explained that this kid was trouble and that I did nothing wrong, but my parents treated me like I had a problem because this preacher's wife said that God told her that I had a demon.
This guy grew up, dropped out of school, spent 10 years as a guest of the Alabama Department of Corrections, got out, went back and got out again. He now works at his mom and stepdad's "church" as a youth pastor. My parents still think of that family as spiritual advisors.
This post was edited on 3/28/18 at 8:31 am
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:33 am to anc
quote:
My parents still think of that family as spiritual advisors.
Jeebus, that is crazy, all because the preacher's wife claims she talks to god.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:39 am to celltech1981
quote:
Jeebus, that is crazy, all because the preacher's wife claims she talks to god.
Yep. That was probably the defining moment to me that the Pentecostal church was a cult.
I had some friends that were in other churches that seemed more normal and had a different viewpoint. That helped get me through high school. When I got to college, I never stepped in one of those churches again - and I am resented for it to this day.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:42 am to liz18lsu
Parents haven't beat me down, but I could easily hold shite again my mom. She left town with her new husband when I was in the 3rd grade? Somewhere around there. Moved in with my dad, which I was not upset at all about, neither was he. At the time, I didn't see it as a big deal, just had a mom that lived a few hours away. But now as an adult that has a family, I can see why all my siblings hold it against her. Never around to see us or the grandkids, but paints a picture like she does. I brush it off, we all do. We have more important things going on, than to worry about stuff like that.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:48 am to liz18lsu
Yes.
My mother hasn't said an encouraging words to me in 21 years. This treatment goes back to me knocking-up a stripper 22 years ago.
The last few years it's been worse. Now I know why.....
My dad passed two months ago. He worked hard. Made good money. Loved me. I'm the only child of the 50y marriage.
I learned a few days ago that she took the death certificate to the brokerage house and designated beneficiaries for the community funds.
My dad's CFP at the brokerage house told me, verbatim, to 'CYA'. Prolly more than 500k over there.
It is a burden every day knowing that my own mother has been systematically planning to screw me out of my inheritance.
My mother hasn't said an encouraging words to me in 21 years. This treatment goes back to me knocking-up a stripper 22 years ago.
The last few years it's been worse. Now I know why.....
My dad passed two months ago. He worked hard. Made good money. Loved me. I'm the only child of the 50y marriage.
I learned a few days ago that she took the death certificate to the brokerage house and designated beneficiaries for the community funds.
My dad's CFP at the brokerage house told me, verbatim, to 'CYA'. Prolly more than 500k over there.
It is a burden every day knowing that my own mother has been systematically planning to screw me out of my inheritance.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:53 am to liz18lsu
No but. My dad did beat my arse physically.
Posted on 3/28/18 at 8:58 am to OWLFAN86
quote:
This board, by and large, is made up of very good,, decent, kind people
Thank you man. This means a lot coming from you.
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