- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
Estranged biological father died today
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:20 pm
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:20 pm
Long day with a ton to digest & figured I'd close it out with some OT banter.
Never met him & didn't know his name until I saw it on my birth certificate at 16. My grandparents brought me home from the hospital & raised me.
Growing up poor on the Northside of Lafayette it was never an issue , I was just another kid without a dad.
When I found out today it was the most disturbing feeling of nothing. It was the strongest indifference I've ever felt & that concerned me.
Spoke to my wife, two closest friends & Pastor today...all great calls with no real answers. I'm a nice guy and wear my heart on my sleeve ...never been ashamed to cry, show emotion, or anything.
When my grandma told me there was absolutely nothing....bigger picture that was my concern..it was the most ungodly moment in my life, struggling to see how a Christian could not spare a second of emotion for their father...based on conversations with those closest to me , I'll have to accept my emotionless response does not define me.
My Pastor & I agreed I was given the world's best parenting book by him as long as I did the opposite. There was never anger or anything, I just knew the man I wanted to be based on what he did.
Seeing posts on here through the years really make me smile when I see the amount of men & women who absolutely love their kids and are there for them everyday.
In the end, his death is really no different than 2/11/1984 when he gave me up.
Never met him & didn't know his name until I saw it on my birth certificate at 16. My grandparents brought me home from the hospital & raised me.
Growing up poor on the Northside of Lafayette it was never an issue , I was just another kid without a dad.
When I found out today it was the most disturbing feeling of nothing. It was the strongest indifference I've ever felt & that concerned me.
Spoke to my wife, two closest friends & Pastor today...all great calls with no real answers. I'm a nice guy and wear my heart on my sleeve ...never been ashamed to cry, show emotion, or anything.
When my grandma told me there was absolutely nothing....bigger picture that was my concern..it was the most ungodly moment in my life, struggling to see how a Christian could not spare a second of emotion for their father...based on conversations with those closest to me , I'll have to accept my emotionless response does not define me.
My Pastor & I agreed I was given the world's best parenting book by him as long as I did the opposite. There was never anger or anything, I just knew the man I wanted to be based on what he did.
Seeing posts on here through the years really make me smile when I see the amount of men & women who absolutely love their kids and are there for them everyday.
In the end, his death is really no different than 2/11/1984 when he gave me up.
52
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:23 pm to Rsande63
Thank God for Grandparents!
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:26 pm to Rsande63
Same happened to me but it was my mother. Left when I was about 6 months. Died a few years ago and there's really nothing to feel because the person is a stranger.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:26 pm to Rsande63
quote:What about your mom?
My grandparents brought me home from the hospital & raised me.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:28 pm to Rsande63
quote:
it was the most ungodly moment in my life, struggling to see how a Christian could not spare a second of emotion for their father...
But he wasn’t a father. He was a sperm donor. Don’t waste a minute feeling guilty for not having feelings for a total stranger. Save your feelings for those who were your real family. The fact that you are concerned about it speaks of your character and proves that, in spite of him, you were raised the be a caring individual. Kudos to your loved ones for stepping up and making you the man you are today.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:28 pm to Rsande63
There are fathers and there are dads... the 2 are not always mutually exclusive
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:28 pm to Rsande63
He was just gone out to get cigarettes.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:29 pm to ItzMe1972
quote:
Thank God for Grandparents!
You mean the people who raised a piece of garbage that left his child?
It’s like in the hood when big mama is raising her grandchildren because big mama had seven kids with seven different men
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:29 pm to Rsande63
You can’t judge yourself based upon a lack of emotion to something that didn’t exist for you.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:30 pm to Rsande63
My MIL, whose father was some big cheese type guy who covered LSU and Saints football, left her and her mother when she was 1 back in the 40s.
When he died, my MIL showed no emotions.
She had spent a little bit of time with him through her teen years, but that had been about it.
He died maybe 20 years ago.
When he died, my MIL showed no emotions.
She had spent a little bit of time with him through her teen years, but that had been about it.
He died maybe 20 years ago.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:30 pm to Rsande63
frick him man! Be the best father to your kids that you can be.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:30 pm to ItzMe1972
ItzMe1972,
Life has turned in my favor because of them.
Without them it would have 100% been a life of foster care, drug addicted mother, physical abuse , extreme poverty and probably worse. I understand I could have been killed or sexually assaulted in that world.
It has really kept me grounded with the whole nature vs nurture debate...I do understand there are prisons and cemeteries full of people who left the hospital doomed from their birth in this dark world.
Life has turned in my favor because of them.
Without them it would have 100% been a life of foster care, drug addicted mother, physical abuse , extreme poverty and probably worse. I understand I could have been killed or sexually assaulted in that world.
It has really kept me grounded with the whole nature vs nurture debate...I do understand there are prisons and cemeteries full of people who left the hospital doomed from their birth in this dark world.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:31 pm to Rsande63
frick him
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:32 pm to Rsande63
frick him. You just continue doing what you do. 
Damn. mpdph beat me to it.
Damn. mpdph beat me to it.
This post was edited on 8/18/21 at 9:34 pm
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:32 pm to Rsande63
quote:
it was the most ungodly moment in my life, struggling to see how a Christian could not spare a second of emotion for their father
He wasn’t your father. He was the male that impregnated your mom. Being a father takes a lot more than simply being a sperm donor. If you never met him, never interacted with him, had no relationship with him, it’s my opinion your profound indifference is nothing more than you putting emphasis on the death of a stranger.
It sounds like you have a GREAT network in your life. Continue talking to them, continue including them in your emotions and thoughts process.
Personally, I don’t think you should be worried about your indifference.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:32 pm to Rsande63
Cant imagine knowing I had a child and not wanting to be a part of the childs life. Just unfathomable to me.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:33 pm to HailHailtoMichigan!
HailHailtoMichigan,
My mother is really getting another chance in life as a grandmother.
She has a horrid history of drugs, mental health, and other issues.
My daughter loves her and that brings me such happiness.
My mother is really getting another chance in life as a grandmother.
She has a horrid history of drugs, mental health, and other issues.
My daughter loves her and that brings me such happiness.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:33 pm to Rsande63
Thoughts and prayers
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:34 pm to Rsande63
quote:
nature vs nurture
Use up your capacity on family and loved ones who deserve it. Your father did not deserve any emotion which
is why you felt none.
Posted on 8/18/21 at 9:35 pm to Rsande63
My wife was adopted and had the same experience as you. I talked to her biological father and he denied any knowledge of the birth mother or my wife. We just let it drop and he died a few years later.
I have no idea what kind of person you are, but her birth father missed out on knowing an amazing daughter. She is successful, and a great mother. I encourage you to let that be his loss in your situation. Enjoy your life as it is and not as how you thought it might be.
I have no idea what kind of person you are, but her birth father missed out on knowing an amazing daughter. She is successful, and a great mother. I encourage you to let that be his loss in your situation. Enjoy your life as it is and not as how you thought it might be.
Page 1 of 5
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News