re: Dudes dropping out of dating game.

quote:

---

assuming by your join date you're at least 30 or so. it's pretty insane for a woman over 30 who isn't extremely hot or maybe a high powered doctor or lawyer, to expect that

---

She is in her early 30s and very hot. She mostly only ends up being interested in career-focused guys in their mid-30s or older who are just looking to sample all their options and are single as a lifestyle choice.

If she’d be more open-minded, she would be wifed up quickly because she’s good looking and actually fun to hang out with. That said, I caution my friends against it because it’s clear from my perspective that her “standards” are a thin veil of some sort of self esteem issue.

She’s going to be 36 and posting “NO HOOKUPS” on her bumble profile in no time

quote:

---

Bars and Clubs just aren't what they were and are either too dangerous for women to let down their guard or just flat out too expensive. Honestly I never had much success going to bars/clubs but I acknowledge many people did have success. There just aren't the third places there used to be. Leagues, Social Clubs, a lot of them went away from the pandemic.

---

It boggles my mind that going out to bars trying to pick up women is just not really a phenomenon anymore. I think it's really bad.

People get pissy with me when I try to inject a little bit of sanity into the DUI rage boner threads here, but strict DUI laws were definitely one nail in the coffin of the bar scene. The virus (or rather, our overreaction to it) was another, but I'd point at the advent of Dial-A-Chad websites circa 2012 as a much larger culprit.

Anyway, picking up women at bars, was, IMO, kind of like high school football or deer hunting. It was a commonplace but difficult (for most of us) activity. It built character, and skills that you can't get playing video games or taking a class.

Yeah, the roads are safer and muh STDs or whatever, but overall we're worse off without the bar scene.

quote:

---

People get pissy with me when I try to inject a little bit of sanity into the DUI rage boner threads here, but strict DUI laws were definitely one nail in the coffin of the bar scene.

---

Egregiously terrible take …. “Sanity ?”.. suggesting that society would be in any way better off if drinking & driving laws were relaxed or less stringent is the diametric opposite of ‘sanity’.. drinking & driving is an epidemic in this country, not sure how old you are but ive seen up close and personal the tragic effects of people who say ‘ill drive, and ill just have one or two drinks’.. then they wind up getting a DUI, or maimed or killed in an accident, or even worse- they wipe out a family of four due to their selfishness…. People want to act like that’s a one off, but it happens ALL the time .


The true answer is that meeting women in bars doesn’t have to be a thing of the past.. all you need to do is spend a couple minutes planning.. designate a driver, get an Uber, whatever- never has it been easier to drink and NOT drive than it is in 2024… we dont have to end drinking in bars or hookup culture or whatever- it’s just that drinking and driving should never be mixed together IMO .

quote:

---

Sad statement but the reason its frowned upon is because women needed a constant meal ticket and protector. They are born with a meal ticket and protection is mostly done by the state today. Women simply do not need men for anything other than sex and the emotional aspect of a relationship that is steeped in human DNA. Men have it also but many do not have it so deeply rooted that they can't live without that emotional connection.

---

This is stupid. Marriage and monogamous sexual relationships are beneficial to both parties over the long term. But most importantly, sex is for procreating children and continuing the human race. And children benefit most from a two parent household. That’s more important than what men and women individually want (which leads to more single parent households). Single parent households are destroying our society

Banning smoking hurt bars more than anything

quote:

---

If that's your response, you're right. But why are you worried about those women? Why would you want to be with someone who consciously weeds out men based on height and income.

---

Men should be glad those women are comfortable telegraphing their flaws. Better to know up front than after you’ve wasted time on her.

(no message)

quote:

---

Banning smoking hurt bars more than anything

---

It should have helped… no one wants their clothes smelling like smoke

quote:

---

So this has been a pretty interesting, authentic and informative thread. Bravo to all who've contributed, especially the bros who've been forthcoming about their struggles.

I'm fortunate to be happily married for 25 years to a woman I met in the 90s, so I cannot offer any prospective or advice. I do, however, have two questions:
1) How are kids dating in college nowadays? At least amongst my friend group, most of the couples who've been married for 20+ years, or, those who were first married in their 20's, met their spouse (or ex in some cases) in college. Are college kids relying on dating apps too?

---

I can't offer too much personal experience, but I will say that both of my nieces are college age. My oldest niece will graduate this May and my youngest niece is a freshman.

On your first point neither have ever been in a serious relationship and neither are honestly very interested in dating. The oldest niece is completely career oriented. I think she'll suffer the fate that she'll focus completely on career and her own happiness in her 20s and early 30s and by the time she gets to her mid 30s and realizes she wants a relationship she'll have a major challenge finding it. She'll be past the point where it's easy to meet guys and any guy she goes after will want younger women.

My youngest niece I think will be more interested in dating but again at this point is just focused on academics.

Both have male friends but they are all platonic. The sense I get from Gen Z is they simply aren't as interested in dating and/or marriage.

quote:

---

2) With dating apps yielding a 90/10 or 80/20 dynamic, there's bound to be an awful lot of women ultimately striking out (assuming their goal is to find a husband or long-term partner). Do these women ultimately drop out of the dating pool as well? Do they shift their focus to older men once they themselves hit their mid-to-late 30s?

---

This is the million dollar question. I think if you asked a lot of Gen Z women they would genuinely say they'll stay single over "settling" in any way. Now I think the debate would be what most of us would consider "settling" and what they consider "settling". I think a lot of us would evaluate what most young women offer and argue those women wouldn't be settling at all. But more than their standards are simply way too high for what they bring to the table.

No doubt the amount of women who are lesbians is rising. It's a double hit as it takes not just 1 but 2 women out of the dating market. And some women simply will just decide that they don't need a man and drop out of the dating pool. Honestly it's not 100% a bad thing as some of these women in the past would've only married for money and those are the ones that end in divorce with the man mostly getting screwed over.

With that said it's going to lead to a lot of very lonely and very bitter women in their middle age. Again as the dating scene has largely shifted in the last 10 years we haven't seen the true effect yet. It's younger millennials and Gen Z that rely almost exclusively on online dating and it's the women of those generations who seem to largely go by the 90/10 or 80/20 dynamic.

I think you'll see a lot of women who would rather just hook up than commit to any man they don't deem to be at their level. And when these women get into their mid 30s and aren't getting the attention at the bars and clubs they used to they'll then get desperate. They'll try to go back to the guys who they friend zoned years ago, the guys who were probably actually interested in them, but those guys will either have moved on and already be in a relationship or married or more likely just too burned out of the dating scene to want to even try.

These women will try to shift their focus to older men but if it's an older man with resources most of those older men will once again want a woman who's younger and not over the hill both in terms of looks and the ability to have children.

And that's the irony. So many of these women only want the top 10% or top 20% of men despite not being anywhere near the top 10% or top 20% of women themselves. The men they are going after literally have women throwing themselves at them and unless they want to get married and have kids have no reason to settle down with any woman. Those men, especially if they are wealthy, regardless of age, can always get some woman who's in her 20s. They don't ever have to settle with a woman in her 30s. Those top 10% or 20% of men, if they do want to get married, will typically be off the market early in life. Around the same time these women are married to their "careers".

This is all going to lead to a lot of lonely middle aged women and lonely middle aged men. And both will be too bitter and damaged to truly date at that age. These women and men will be disengaged from society and will be far more likely to become radicalized, part of a cult or worst case, ending up suffering from depression and other mental illness and potentially ending their lives.

And while some people would say what's the big deal, this failure of the dating system has repercussions far beyond dating. We are about to have a good portion of an entire generation of men who can't get a woman to marry, have a relationship with or even have sex with (without paying). And due to that those men will also have no ability to start a family. Many of those men, because single men typically make less than married men, will end up staying home with mom and dad and end up not being driven at all in their career. They won't make what they could make and they won't be able to afford a home of any size.

Single unmarried men, overwhelming (obviously not always but just in general) are far less likely to be involved in their community, donate their money or time or just do things in general that make their community and their country better.

Look at military recruiting. This country has all but said they hate straight conservative men and are shocked why they are not meeting their recruiting goals. What man is going to want to defend a country that hates them? If a country in the near future declares war on the U.S., I think the older generations will be surprised how many men say "screw you" to enlisting to defend the country.

History shows us that when you have a good amount of men who are disenfranchised, that is when revolutions begin, that is when governments fall. Having a big portion of young women and young men