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Started By
Message
re: Divoced baws of the OT. How did it go down?
Posted on 2/17/20 at 9:06 pm to xiv
Posted on 2/17/20 at 9:06 pm to xiv
48 yrs old and have been married for 20 years. I won’t lie...it can be tough. It’s not as much your relationship with your SO that changes but the responsibilities and curve balls of life that get you. We have two kids and right after our second my MIL went on a downhill slide with dementia that was brutal on her and her family. Now her dad is dealing with lung cancer. He’s managed to make both of these as difficult as he could on my wife and her sister. Neither of them have a good adult relationship with him and unfortunately my wife takes the brunt of it.
These compounded issues sucked the joy out of her life and it’s been tough. We’re muddling through it because we owe it to each other and the boys. I’ve had to put my selfishness aside and try to be the rock for her and the family. I can’t afford to have a bad day....which is tough because I have my own issues to deal with. Both of our parents were married for life though so the foundation is there.
Of all my HS and college friends most everyone has been divorced. They had a lot to do with it...but there are also a lot of daddy’s little girls out there that run for greener pastures when things get rough. A lot of affairs and split families.
That being said...I had one friend who gave his wife a VD and ridden with guilt came clean in front of God and everybody that he had a sexual addiction and was scoring hookers (with an s) whenever he traveled for business. It was a huge dust up. Supposedly him and his wife reconciled....until she started banging sheriffs deputies a few years later. Can’t say that was her fault.
Another friend - who was always an emotional black hole - had a wife who was into showing horses. She went to a show and never came back. She ran off with a rodeo guy who makes hats and now lives out west somewhere.
These compounded issues sucked the joy out of her life and it’s been tough. We’re muddling through it because we owe it to each other and the boys. I’ve had to put my selfishness aside and try to be the rock for her and the family. I can’t afford to have a bad day....which is tough because I have my own issues to deal with. Both of our parents were married for life though so the foundation is there.
Of all my HS and college friends most everyone has been divorced. They had a lot to do with it...but there are also a lot of daddy’s little girls out there that run for greener pastures when things get rough. A lot of affairs and split families.
That being said...I had one friend who gave his wife a VD and ridden with guilt came clean in front of God and everybody that he had a sexual addiction and was scoring hookers (with an s) whenever he traveled for business. It was a huge dust up. Supposedly him and his wife reconciled....until she started banging sheriffs deputies a few years later. Can’t say that was her fault.
Another friend - who was always an emotional black hole - had a wife who was into showing horses. She went to a show and never came back. She ran off with a rodeo guy who makes hats and now lives out west somewhere.
2
Posted on 2/17/20 at 9:30 pm to The Spleen
I can do even better than that.
When I was in 6th grade, my best friend's parents got divorced became his 45 year old mom was sleeping with her daughter's boyfriend. They're now married and their stepdad is his sister's ex boyfriend.
When I was in 6th grade, my best friend's parents got divorced became his 45 year old mom was sleeping with her daughter's boyfriend. They're now married and their stepdad is his sister's ex boyfriend.
Posted on 2/17/20 at 9:38 pm to SquatchDawg
I’m sorry for your family’s current struggles. You seem like a decent man—I’m sure if you give your family your best, you’ll pull through. 
Posted on 2/17/20 at 10:11 pm to Cosmo
Went down like this.
Thinking to myself “Man I’m sick and tired of working my arse off all day and then not wanting to go home bc the ole lady won’t STFU and quit bitching about everything”
So I drove home, told her to pack her shite, and she’ll get some paperwork. I filed the papers the next day and haven’t seen her nagging arse in over 10 years. Best decision of my life.
Thinking to myself “Man I’m sick and tired of working my arse off all day and then not wanting to go home bc the ole lady won’t STFU and quit bitching about everything”
So I drove home, told her to pack her shite, and she’ll get some paperwork. I filed the papers the next day and haven’t seen her nagging arse in over 10 years. Best decision of my life.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 9:57 am to StupidBinder
Sorry for the late bump. Was reading about Johnny3's shite show...
This post was edited on 4/20/20 at 9:59 am
Posted on 4/20/20 at 4:36 pm to kingbob
quote:
I sprinted through red flags like they were finishing line tape at a marathon.
I was painfully insecure and felt emasculated both by our finances in law school and just in general.
I lost my assertiveness and confidence and second-guessed myself on everything from paint colors to basic chores to shopping decisions and what to eat for dinner.
I held on to every argument as if each one was a learning opponent for future reference of what NOT to do. This caused me to become a waffler who couldn’t trust his gut and struggled to make decisions because I was paralyzed by analysis.
I was so concerned with avoiding conflict that I became a pushover, which built resentment in me and caused her to lose any respect for me.
I took her for granted and didn’t always do the stupid little things she needed for her insecurities to be assuaged (gifts, flowers, little cute notes, etc)
I had my share of faults, but I never stopped trying to fix them. She had no interest in compromise in any way, shape, or form and had zero desire to do anything about her own issues, let alone work with me to fix our problems. She saw me as 100% the problem, and by then, I was so demoralized and emotionally weakened from gaslighting, law school, and plant life that I believed her.
I could see the writing on the wall before we got married, but I was arrogant enough to believe that I could fix everything, and was foolish enough to trust that she would be just as invested.
I've got to ask, how much $$ in therapy did all of that cost?
Posted on 4/20/20 at 4:41 pm to SquatchDawg
quote:
She went to a show and never came back. She ran off with a rodeo guy who makes hats and now lives out west somewhere.
Pics of the hats?
Posted on 4/20/20 at 4:44 pm to Cosmo
quote:
Also dnt realize how many dicks their wife/gf sucking after their shift
Women initiate something like 70% of all divorces. It's been this way for a long time. Ever since the stigma of divorce was largely erased the selfish nature of some people has been on full display. Narcissism, rationalization, neurotic behavior, bad decision making and attention seeking are all traits commonly associated with your typical bad woman. You're also correct that a lot of women feel like they have to be "happy" all the time or something is wrong.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 4:45 pm to Cosmo
(no message)
This post was edited on 4/25/20 at 10:49 am
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:02 pm to The Spleen
quote:
In one, the guy made good money and the wife stayed home. He worked until 6 or 7 most nights, then went out for drinks and dinner a night or two a week, played golf every Saturday and Sunday morning, went hunting every weekend in during hunting season. All while wife was home caring for their two small children.
I am sorry, but what am I missing here?
Is this kind of thing frowned upon?
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:04 pm to Vito Andolini
quote:
I am sorry, but what am I missing here?
Is this kind of thing frowned upon?
Not if you're OK with your wife divorcing you.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:19 pm to Cosmo
Jesus Christ this thread is so depressing.
Makes me glad my last relationship fell apart before it got to that point.
Makes me glad my last relationship fell apart before it got to that point.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:24 pm to Robin Masters
quote:
I can think is that A) I’ve got it pretty good with my wife. B) how many of my frat bro’s beat that down behind my back.
I would block that with the quickness. Nothing good will come from it.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:28 pm to Cosmo
I married a women who agreed that if we divorced, it wouldn't mean our relationship failed.
Together almost 20 years.
Marry someone who thinks the way you do and you won't want to separate from them.
Together almost 20 years.
Marry someone who thinks the way you do and you won't want to separate from them.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:30 pm to dupergreenie
No doubt. I just thought it was cray that she readily admitted she was the one who strayed but then proceeded to act as if he was the problem and who deserved to be banished. No hint of contrition whatsoever.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:39 pm to Robin Masters
Well its HIS fault she cheated. I was married to one like that (never was her fault) ... not the whore part.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 5:48 pm to dupergreenie
(no message)
This post was edited on 4/25/20 at 10:51 am
Posted on 4/20/20 at 6:01 pm to Johnny3tears
quote:
The sex was on another level. She was a freak. But like I said not worth it. I’m taking Zoloft right now because of all of this shite.
This phenomenon has been well known for some time.
Men Have Better Sex with Emotionally Unstable Women
Posted on 4/20/20 at 6:19 pm to Mo Jeaux
quote:
Not if you're OK with your wife divorcing you.
No worries there, been happily married to my one and only wife for 21 years. We have two sons and a very happy life together.
Of my circle of friends, most are still married. Two divorced and are happily remarried. Both divorces everyone knew were coming sooner or later, one guy married a nut-job who cheated on him and another married a female attorney nut-job, not sure about her cheating, but she was definitely cra-cra.
Oh yes, my Dad left my mother when I was 6 months old. My two sisters and I have all been happily married for 20 + years. I am not sure having parents that divorced has much to do with anything, a good marriage is 99.99% about making an intelligent and mature choice in your respective spouse.
As I tell both of my sons, of all the mistakes you can make in life, the one mistake you can't make is to marry crazy, because if you do, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of misery.
Posted on 4/20/20 at 9:44 pm to cable
quote:
You're also correct that a lot of women feel like they have to be "happy" all the time or something is wrong.
I’m not perfect, no such word unless you’re talking about the birth of a child. I’ve made my fair share of mistakes and have caused plenty of disappointment within myself and have let down others when they needed me the most.
I try every day to get better. Sometimes I do. Sometimes I don’t. There are many things that I would like to take back that I have done or said, intentionally or not. But I can’t go back and erase or rewind history. Life doesn’t work like that. So, I try to focus on what I can control and that is right now. Be more about the moment. Perhaps happiness is knowing that I already have it. Yes, it can often be disguised or neglected due to work, communication issues, priorities getting out of order, health, extracurricular activities, etc. but knowing that I have a beautiful immediate family that loves me, stable income to provide for the necessities in life and good health, at the end of the day, that is true happiness at the basic core.
It’s the extra shite in life that really over complicates it.
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