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re: Did your wife change after your first kid?
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:09 am to boosiebadazz
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:09 am to boosiebadazz
Many women go from being a wife to being a mother after the birth of their first child
Their husbands become secondary or even lower.
It can be a cause for much angst for many married men
Their husbands become secondary or even lower.
It can be a cause for much angst for many married men
1
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:10 am to sparkinator
quote:
We both are committed to each other regardless. We love our kids but realize that our commitment isn’t based on our kids.
And this, guys and gals, is the secret to a happy marriage. Congrats to you both.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:15 am to boosiebadazz
Changed a little after the first, but changed A LOT after the second.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:17 am to boosiebadazz
quote:
But it’s awesome and I love it and maybe this is why caveman didn’t murder the females for food when it got cold.
Nice try setting up your case for innocence before the coming winter storm.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:17 am to Tdot_RiverDawg
Changed after all 3.
It's like trying to catch rain with a fishing net.
It's like trying to catch rain with a fishing net.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:20 am to boosiebadazz
Trick question..
Not answering this
Not answering this
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:22 am to boosiebadazz
Thing most definitely changed. We were married for 5 years before we started trying to have kids. That was a great time. Now we have 2 and life is strange. My second child (whose sitting with me as I type this) was trouble from the very first day. He didn't sleep well. He did lots more crying than our first son. He sleeps in the bed with us 
Everyone will tell you just let them cry it out, but we did what we had to do in order for us to get sleep at night. With a kid sleeping in your bed, obviously mom and dads fun time gets thrown out of the window. We both yell at the kids a lot. I never really yelled at anyone before I had kids. Now it seems like every day one we take turns being in a bad mood. I love my kids more than anything, but I miss that time with my wife before they came around.
Everyone will tell you just let them cry it out, but we did what we had to do in order for us to get sleep at night. With a kid sleeping in your bed, obviously mom and dads fun time gets thrown out of the window. We both yell at the kids a lot. I never really yelled at anyone before I had kids. Now it seems like every day one we take turns being in a bad mood. I love my kids more than anything, but I miss that time with my wife before they came around. Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:24 am to BoogaBear
If they didn’t have a *^%%# we would hunt them with dogs on horseback for sport.
Would never sign that contract again and have actually told same.
Would never sign that contract again and have actually told same.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:25 am to boosiebadazz
I can't tell if having the baby was the biggest driver for change or any of the following stuff that happened last year
We were DINKS living in DC and now we have an 11+ month year old living off Lake Norman.
Life is so different than it was before
We were DINKS living in DC and now we have an 11+ month year old living off Lake Norman.
Life is so different than it was before
Posted on 2/13/21 at 7:51 am to tigergirl10
quote:
What is she going to do when they grow up?
That’s a great question that is important to almost everyone who reads this, whether they realize it or not. My wife stayed home to raise our 4 children (last one born when we were 29). At 47 we were empty nesters. As her parenting took less time she added part time work. At 53 we became grandparents and she cut way back on work to watch the children two or three days per week,
We are 58 now. The grandchildren have been a God-send. That 6 year period between kids and grandkids was a period of drift for her. She had trouble finding meaning in her life. It’s my opinion that if a person does not have a way to contribute to the well-being of others it is impossible to be content. We can find euphoria, in materialism, but contentment will elude us.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:10 am to PhilipMarlowe
quote:
Yo is this real? A good friend of mine was telling me how his brother’s wife completely changed in personality after having their first child. A couple years later they had their second, and she went right back to her old self, and they’re both great now. My friend said it was hormone related as well. The first kid fricked it up, and the second one corrected it. I always thought this was a bunch of bs, but maybe it’s an actual thing. Weird.
It's likely a form of postpartum depression, which is very real. My wife struggled with it after our 2nd child. I came home one day on my lunch break to find her laying on the couch just staring at the ceiling while the baby was in her crib screaming crying. Wife said she just couldn't find the motivation to get up and tend to the baby and collapsed on the floor crying herself. Pretty scary situation, but the doctor talked me through it and assured me it was not abnormal. She was on anti-depressants for a year or two.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:10 am to boosiebadazz
Yes but I did as well. You go from having nearly unlimited free time outside of work to no free time at all unless you trade off. Figuring out how to share the burden of parenting early on is really the key to it all imo. It won't always be even due to careers, etc but you are crazy if you think you can place most of the burden of parenting on your wife and not expect long term resentment and relationship issues.
Back to the original question, we are both more patient, tired, spend less time with casual friends, more time with our parents (son's grandparents) and direct family, and very selective with our free time. My wife dealt with postpartum anxiety for 6 months or so - that was not fun at all combined with no sleep (my son was an awful sleeper until he was old enough for sleep training/CIO). Dramatic improvement once he was sleeping better...lack of sleep early on really is the worst.
Back to the original question, we are both more patient, tired, spend less time with casual friends, more time with our parents (son's grandparents) and direct family, and very selective with our free time. My wife dealt with postpartum anxiety for 6 months or so - that was not fun at all combined with no sleep (my son was an awful sleeper until he was old enough for sleep training/CIO). Dramatic improvement once he was sleeping better...lack of sleep early on really is the worst.
This post was edited on 2/13/21 at 8:13 am
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:13 am to boosiebadazz
her spending did
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:14 am to loopback
quote:You realize that they might have the same realizations with regard to you?
I've begun to realize I'm horrible at picking women.
Likes generally attract likes....
OP: Naw, Mrs Füt (no pics) knew (knows) where her bread was buttered.
This post was edited on 2/13/21 at 8:16 am
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:21 am to TDsngumbo
quote:
Now I’m depressed.
This pretty much sums it up for me too.
Except our youngest is 13 so I'm running her arse off in 5 years..
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:37 am to Evil Little Thing
quote:
I’m sorry. This doesn’t seem sustainable. I had a baby last summer. I’m in a community of women who had babies the same month. The number of women who have only had sex once or twice since getting pregnant well over a year ago is astonishing to me. You can’t expect to have a happy/content marriage if you never have sex, and these chicks DGAF.
I’ll never understand this. I have known girls who didn’t have sex from the time they got pregnant through the first year of their kid’s life. All jokes aside, that is truly insane and unfair.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:42 am to tigerbandpiccolo
quote:
I’ll never understand this. I have known girls who didn’t have sex from the time they got pregnant through the first year of their kid’s life. All jokes aside, that is truly insane and unfair.
We went nearly a year after the 2nd kid, but as I mentioned above my wife went through some postpartum depression issues. And this was after she wanted it all the time while she was pregnant.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:43 am to The Spleen
That seems understandable. I think she was referring to the ladies who aren’t dealing with PPD. That is scary what happened to your wife but I’m glad you got her help and supported her.
Posted on 2/13/21 at 8:44 am to boosiebadazz
Yea they change ... go from crazy to crazier ... fun times
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