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re: Dealing with family/loved one with a mental illness--Update Page 11
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:30 pm to lsunurse
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:30 pm to lsunurse
There is no harm in looking into one for them sooner rather than later. You need to find the right one at the right price.
I'm glad your dad is somewhere safe.
I'm glad your dad is somewhere safe.
1
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:37 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
There is no harm in looking into one for them sooner rather than later. You need to find the right one at the right price.
I agree 100%. I did have to do POA over my Mom, but she was starting to loose it and she knew it. The wife and I tried to get her to move in with us, but she didn't want to. We found a very nice place for her. She was able to meet with people her age to shoot the shite. Yes, it cost, but brothers and sisters help us with that.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:43 pm to lsunurse
quote:
lsunurse
quote:
I mentioned in detail what was going on in my original post. I've been honest as a fricking book on here for years about my dad's mental illness
Just ignore that jerk. You don't owe him an explanation.
I'm glad that you are able to find some relief through this board. I know many on here have you given you plenty of grief about other stuff in the past so it's good to see you finally get something positive out of it.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:57 pm to supadave3
quote:a replacement oweo for 2 weeks
dfintlyHmmrd
both speak in absolutes out of their arse
Posted on 10/14/19 at 8:57 pm to lsunurse
Oh shite, Nurse....I know you as a poster, and we've both been on here a long time.... I empathize and sympathize with you 100%.
My wife and I have decided (for now) to have her 86 year old mother live with us. She has, at a minimum, early stage dementia, and CANNOT live alone. She INSISTS on being able to drive, which I am totally against from personal observation and experience, she will attempt to be "independent" and fry an egg on the stove but will "forget" to turn the fuggin stove off......she pisses all over the toilet and is generally a nasty slob at this stage.....(NOT HER FAULT, I'm not judging and don't fuss but it is what it is), she is combative, irrational, etc etc etc.....
Wife and I are about to put her in an Assisted living place (not a nursing home, but an apartment without a kitchen, stove or hotplate allowed; she has the means to do it, and wouldn't require a nursing home type of thing);
It is horrible, and I feel for ya Nurse.....our thoughts and prayers are with you......
My wife and I have decided (for now) to have her 86 year old mother live with us. She has, at a minimum, early stage dementia, and CANNOT live alone. She INSISTS on being able to drive, which I am totally against from personal observation and experience, she will attempt to be "independent" and fry an egg on the stove but will "forget" to turn the fuggin stove off......she pisses all over the toilet and is generally a nasty slob at this stage.....(NOT HER FAULT, I'm not judging and don't fuss but it is what it is), she is combative, irrational, etc etc etc.....
Wife and I are about to put her in an Assisted living place (not a nursing home, but an apartment without a kitchen, stove or hotplate allowed; she has the means to do it, and wouldn't require a nursing home type of thing);
It is horrible, and I feel for ya Nurse.....our thoughts and prayers are with you......
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:24 pm to geaux88
I’ll be blunt, the only person on this world you are responsible for is yourself. Make sure you are taken care of first. Get some kind of support system, beyond us here in the OT. You need real people.
Listen to one Dr or the other. If you have to, make them fight it out or find new ones.
If he is safe and your mom says she has it, take a break. Only answer if she calls. You will mentally and physically not be able to do it all yourself.
You always have to remember you are not dealing with someone who is rational or present most of the time.
If you can get home health, do it. At a min it will get you and your mom a break a few times a week.
Know when enough is enough. At some point you may have to put him in a nursing home because it will actually be the best thing for him and your family.
I don’t remember if you are married or have kids but that comes second after yourself.
These are the things I wish someone would have told me. I probably wouldn’t have listened but hindsight is 20/20.
Make sure he is safe and taken care of and make sure you are safe and taken care of. That is all you can do.
Listen to one Dr or the other. If you have to, make them fight it out or find new ones.
If he is safe and your mom says she has it, take a break. Only answer if she calls. You will mentally and physically not be able to do it all yourself.
You always have to remember you are not dealing with someone who is rational or present most of the time.
If you can get home health, do it. At a min it will get you and your mom a break a few times a week.
Know when enough is enough. At some point you may have to put him in a nursing home because it will actually be the best thing for him and your family.
I don’t remember if you are married or have kids but that comes second after yourself.
These are the things I wish someone would have told me. I probably wouldn’t have listened but hindsight is 20/20.
Make sure he is safe and taken care of and make sure you are safe and taken care of. That is all you can do.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:25 pm to CocoLoco
quote:
I just started doing light therapy, take CBD, I exercise fairly frequently, just got a journal to keep track of daily goals/weekly goals, even a weighted blanket
Like I said it’s not like I’m in a depressive state. I occasionally do feel down but it’s really that anxiousness that creeps
Those are all great things to help you combat anxiety. The therapist you will be seeing will tell you the same. Find one who uses Cognitive-Behavioral therapy.
As for antidepressants- some antidepressants are prescribed for anxiety disorder as well. The two are closely related. Don’t be too quick to poopoo e idea of taking an antidepressant for your anxiety.
Good luck with dealing with your anxiety. It can be debilitating if it is left untreated (whether by medication or another therapy).
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:33 pm to BR Tiger
I’d just prefer not to have to take them. I feel like it’s more of a funk than anything. Just a big transition in my life, going back to school, etc.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:37 pm to geaux88
quote:As you said she can't help it. Sitting in a wet depends (94 years old) even with a huge family and on a huge family farm with houses very near with people popping in. (They are too stubborn to bathe or remember to) It is why they get UTI's even with family around. They get shite/urine literally everywhere even without dementia. It is why they need strangers to demand they bathe (home health nurses) Then the family freaks and says no way--let them be, as the house smells like urine and shite.
she will attempt to be "independent" and fry an egg on the stove but will "forget" to turn the fuggin stove off......she pisses all over the toilet and is generally a nasty slob at this stage.....(NOT HER FAULT, I'm not judging and don't fuss but it is what it is), she is combative, irrational, etc etc etc.....
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:39 pm to lsunurse
You have to take care of yourself or you can't take care of them. Get some sleep, take a hot bath.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:42 pm to geaux88
The fireman were called many times because they left the stove on, and this was with family near.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:44 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Who else has a loved one that has a serious mental illness?
I attract them like moths to a flame
quote:
How do you cope with it?
I am not saying faith matters but having it helps
quote:
Especially when you feel like you are at the end of your own rope in helping them.
You need a "recharge" person or group
quote:
My dad’s mental illness has just gotten worse and worse.
It helps to know what it is?
What does the doc say who is attending him?
Hard to give tips with so little to work with
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:45 pm to td1
quote:
Get some kind of support system, beyond us here in the OT. You need real people.
I do have a support system. See a therapist monthly to discuss how to cope with my dad. He works with me to establish healthy boundaries and how to avoid giving in to my codependent nature. And I do have friends and other family I can lean on for support. My husband is supportive
as well.
quote:
You always have to remember you are not dealing with someone who is rational or present most of the time.
I do try to keep that in the back of my mind anytime I'm talking to him in one of his frantic states.
quote:
Know when enough is enough. At some point you may have to put him in a nursing home because it will actually be the best thing for him and your family.
Because of the other situation with my mom and siblings I mentioned in an earlier post...I will try to exhaust all other options before it comes to this. It will be my last resort option. But yes...I realize at some point this may have to happen.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:51 pm to Cheese Grits
quote:
I am not saying faith matters but having it helps
I know I would be shattered without it. I haven't been the best Christian (I haven't gone to church in months) but I still believe and pray.
quote:
It helps to know what it is?
Severe anxiety with obsessive thoughts related to the anxiety. Some depression as well. Recently he's been delusional at times (no auditory or visual hallucinations...just believing situations are real that are not). Dementia has never been stated as something he has by either the psych facility he spent time in last year or his psychiatrist he has been seeing. But I will approach that topic with his doctor.
He just called again and this time I answered. He was a little more calm and the call was actually a mistake, he didn't mean to call me (so he says).
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:55 pm to lsunurse
quote:does he post on Poli Board?
just believing situations are real that are not)
Posted on 10/14/19 at 9:57 pm to SuperSaint
SS thanks for the laugh 
Posted on 10/14/19 at 10:03 pm to SuperSaint
don't let him see the Q thread. But just in case you meant normal poli people 
Posted on 10/14/19 at 10:04 pm to lsunurse
quote:
My therapist strongly suggests a group home as well. I wouldn't be opposed to it, just would not want them to end up in some really bad group home cause of their financial situation. They would live with me before I allowed that to happen.
I have good and bad news for you.
The good news is that "group homes" won't take dementia patients that still walk around and make trouble.
The bad news is that they'll finally take him once he's not able to walk around and make trouble, and is essentially on his deathbed.
I'm in the exact situation with my mom, been going on for years, she finally got into a 'home' this year, in the final stages.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 10:08 pm to deeprig9
quote:
I have good and bad news for you.
The good news is that "group homes" won't take dementia patients that still walk around and make trouble.
The bad news is that they'll finally take him once he's not able to walk around and make trouble, and is essentially on his deathbed.
I'm in the exact situation with my mom, been going on for years, she finally got into a 'home' this year, in the final stages.
Oh to clarify I mean my younger brother and sister. They are mentally challenged and currently live with my parents. They work minimum wage jobs and can do basic ADLs...they just can't ever live on their own or drive. I'm thinking long term of what happens when my parents are no longer around. I would think they would be perfect candidates for a group home setting.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 11:08 pm to lsunurse
I didn't read 9 pages, but your OP says your dad has dementia, so either I have dementia or you have dementia or I just didn't read 9 pages, but your OP says your dad has dementia, and I will pray for your family.
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