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re: Dealing with family/loved one with a mental illness--Update Page 11
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:25 pm to lsunurse
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:25 pm to lsunurse
Even if not covered, as others have said, hospitals accept minimal payments. Don’t stress about that. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I have some crazy relatives, and I just walked away. My mom (who I think is a narcissistic human, in a clinical sense) just wrote me off. Fine. You have a natural protective instinct. Don’t let that bury you. You can’t take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself. It’s ok to be selfish, sometimes. You’ve earned it.
1
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:26 pm to liz18lsu
quote:a zillion times this
Even if not covered, as others have said, hospitals accept minimal payments. Don’t stress about that. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I have some crazy relatives, and I just walked away. My mom (who I think is a narcissistic human, in a clinical sense) just wrote me off. Fine. You have a natural protective instinct. Don’t let that bury you. You can’t take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself. It’s ok to be selfish, sometimes. You’ve earned it.
we cant fix other people
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:28 pm to NoHoTiger
quote:This! they brought ensure, counseling, and nurses to a family in denial their parent was dying.
Also, there are probably programs through your local Council on Aging (or equivalent)
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:31 pm to CocoLoco
quote:man you articulate word for word almost exactly how my life is dealing with anxiety and PTSD. Unfortunately it has taken me going through some rough patches learn that self medicating is a dead end street for me.
CocoLoco
But thanks for sharing your struggles and ideas I can use to help deal.
And all the vibes go to you Nurse,
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:33 pm to SuperSaint
quote:seeing your FB postings and you out and about and happy
SuperSaint
not gonna lie, puts a smile on my face
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:35 pm to lsunurse
So they have him on IV antibiotics, great! Any news that he feels better?
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:36 pm to lsunurse
My daughter struggles with mental illness. She had to be home schooled. I doubt that she will ever be able to live on her own. Thankfully I have a son for when we pass.
We spent a ton in counseling and still do. She is never a lone for more short periods. My suggestion and excuse me if someone has already said this would be an institution. If you can’t afford that and want to keep him at home you probably need to child proof your house just like a two year old was there.
Praying for you because it’s not easy
We spent a ton in counseling and still do. She is never a lone for more short periods. My suggestion and excuse me if someone has already said this would be an institution. If you can’t afford that and want to keep him at home you probably need to child proof your house just like a two year old was there.
Praying for you because it’s not easy
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:39 pm to OWLFAN86
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:42 pm to lsunurse
Don’t let the ER visit cause financial problems. If insurance doesn’t cover, just set up a payment plan that is affordable for your parents. If you’re trying to pay, they will accept it.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:49 pm to lsunurse
ignore that cocksucker
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:50 pm to lsunurse
just ignore him he is ignorant.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:53 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I did just call his insurance company and got clarification that as long as he was brought into the ER for an emergency...the visit would be covered. I told her how 911 was called and that I was told to specifically bring him to that ER by his psychiatrist and she agreed that it should be covered and to call them if we do have any issues. So at least I can relax on that worry.
On this front, you'll either be responsible for $50 or the plan's in-network ER copay (whichever is lower). Things get tricky with ER visits though. They might get a bill from both the hospital and the ER group. It's possible that they would be responsible for only $50 to the hospital but the full out-of-network amount to the physician group.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:55 pm to lsunurse
quote:
That his insurance might not cover his ER visit.
Talk to the hospital's financial counselor. They can call the insurance company to do an in-network agreement for his admission. If they won't, apply for hospital charity funds. Given their financial situation, he should qualify.
Also, if your dad has medicare, call them about the hospital bill. Get as many people involved with the billing and funding on the front end as possible. Much easier to handle on the front end and keep everyone involved rather than chasing people down on the back end.
We know this from experience. My dad was hospitalized in L.A. when he had a small stroke while visiting out here. Eventually, they had to call the "state" and demand payment. They kept sending my dad bills for $90K+.
And also when he had to be admitted in El Paso in 2016. His plane had to be diverted and he was taken by ambulance and admitted as a John Doe. It was a nightmare getting all of it straight after the fact.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 4:56 pm to Motorboat
quote:
You are way too worried about what is covered and what is not. These things usually have a way of working themselves out.
I was worried cause I was the one to take him to a different ER than he normally goes to. So I felt like I had majorly fricked up.
This is tough...there is no outlined plan of exactly what to do in this situation. I'm having to make decisions on the fly and hope it's the right one.
And it's not just my dad. When he passes away...there are still 3 other people I have to worry about. So I am constantly looking out for them to make sure they can keep as much as their savings as possible as a safety net to live on. And when my mom passes....I still have my brother and sister to then figure out what happens (do they come live with me until they die vs finding a decent group home, etc).
Most people have these worries until their parents pass away. I don't even have that luxury. My worries over my family will be basically be there until I die (then I have to worry about what happens to my siblings after I die). It never ends.
So hopefully that explains why I get a little freaked out over the insurance stuff.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:02 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I can't lose my job because my dad is calling me every 5 minutes.
Except you didn't say this in your original post, you said it was because it was your anniversary and you were trying to enjoy some naughty time with your hubby time.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:02 pm to cajunangelle
quote:
This! they brought ensure, counseling, and nurses to a family in denial their parent was dying
We just went through so much of this with my dad.
Some of it I knew because of years of working in insurance, hospitals and as an Account Executive with an EAP.
So glad I just answer phones for a living now.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:08 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I can't lose my job because my dad is calling me every 5 minutes.
Talk to your boss. You should qualify for intermittent FMLA. It will help protect your job for those times you have to take your dad to appointments and such. Also, your boss probably understands dementia and other issues faced by the geriatric. Sometimes you need a place to turn who help you clinically, why as a nurse is really good for you, and gives you an outlet other than your husband, which will help insulate your relationship some, too.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:13 pm to dfintlyHmmrd
quote:
Except you didn't say this in your original post, you said it was because it was your anniversary and you were trying to enjoy some naughty time with your hubby time.
I mentioned in detail what was going on in my original post. I've been honest as a fricking book on here for years about my dad's mental illness.
I was going to an event with my husband for a couple of hours. So was I to cancel that? Even though I knew he wasn't alone and my mom was there to call 911 or Uber to the ER if things got worse? frick up my marriage even more by answering my dad's phone calls every 5 minutes knowing they don't help but actually make his condition worse?
You obviously haven't dealt with someone with a severe mental illness.
ETA: Also...my mom was instructed to call me if his behavior got worse. If I saw she called...I knew to take it right away. And she didn't call once while I was out. I actually called her during intermission and as soon as we left to make she he was actually ok. And she even told me he was just sitting on the bed calling me over and over. But wasn't yelling at them, only when he talked to me.
This post was edited on 10/14/19 at 5:27 pm
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:18 pm to NoHoTiger
quote:
Talk to your boss
She is fully aware what is going on with my dad. She is ok with me going with him to his appointments and has seen that I still get all my work done. I just give her a heads up when I'm coming in late or leaving early and make sure that time is made up that week (come in early or stay late to make up the time). The one major plus for not working a standard bedside nursing job now and just working in an office setting.
On top of my dad I'm still pursuing fertility treatments so I have my own frequent appointments for that. Again...she knows all about that and is very supportive. She has two young children so completely understands the need for a work-life balance (and she adjusts her schedule as well when her kids have appointments, etc).
I feel incredibly blessed to have such an understanding boss and coworkers. I realize many don't always have that.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:23 pm to lsunurse
quote:
You obviously haven't dealt with someone with a severe mental illness.
Nurse, I feel your pain from a Dad that did everything that one can do. It started when my son turn 14 and he took his like at 35. I am in tears as I write this.
Whatever happens, Never ever take blame. Love them and remember the good times as best as you can.
By any chance did your Dad serve in and service?
My prays are with y'all.
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