- My Forums
- Tiger Rant
- LSU Recruiting
- SEC Rant
- Saints Talk
- Pelicans Talk
- More Sports Board
- Fantasy Sports
- Golf Board
- Soccer Board
- O-T Lounge
- Tech Board
- Home/Garden Board
- Outdoor Board
- Health/Fitness Board
- Movie/TV Board
- Book Board
- Music Board
- Political Talk
- Money Talk
- Fark Board
- Gaming Board
- Travel Board
- Food/Drink Board
- Ticket Exchange
- TD Help Board
Customize My Forums- View All Forums
- Show Left Links
- Topic Sort Options
- Trending Topics
- Recent Topics
- Active Topics
Started By
Message
re: Dealing with family/loved one with a mental illness--Update Page 11
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:25 pm to lsunurse
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:25 pm to lsunurse
quote:
lsunurse
I would recommend talking to an estate planning lawyer...go through legal aid if you have to. Your EAP can refer you or you can call the State bar.
If something happens to your dad, your mom will be the beneficiary of his social security benefits. If she also gets social security checks based on her age and employment, she'll get the larger of either her or your dad's checks. Not sure about the pay out if she gets Disability income.
There is a federal program where people who have dementia can actually protect their savings if they need long-term care due to their dementia. I would start looking into that now. The more info you have, the better.
I'm so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. It's really difficult when it all falls to one person.
2
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:39 pm to lsunurse
Ignore the ones saying you ignored your dad. Those of us who have been through it know. Regarding the insurance it is not as plain jane cut and dry as people are making it sound. Sure never worry about insurance it works it's way out; but medicare advantage plans and I am sure all other insurances nowadays are different from the past.
You know more than others and know an ambulance and or a medivac ride aren't cheap. You are an outstanding advocate for your dad.
If they tell you that you are not covered they obviously now will move the patient. It is done and over with. So don't listen to what will be 3 pages of ignorance over this. And please do not let anybody make you feel as if you are thinking about money and insurance before patient care-you are not.
They say medical personnel are the worst patients but they are the best advocates and sometimes are so close to a situation venting helps to see things that all involved may have overlooked. That aside... In general we all have our stories but I don't trust doctors as I used to and I now say always get a second opinion.
You know more than others and know an ambulance and or a medivac ride aren't cheap. You are an outstanding advocate for your dad.
If they tell you that you are not covered they obviously now will move the patient. It is done and over with. So don't listen to what will be 3 pages of ignorance over this. And please do not let anybody make you feel as if you are thinking about money and insurance before patient care-you are not.
They say medical personnel are the worst patients but they are the best advocates and sometimes are so close to a situation venting helps to see things that all involved may have overlooked. That aside... In general we all have our stories but I don't trust doctors as I used to and I now say always get a second opinion.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:42 pm to NoHoTiger
quote:
If something happens to your dad, your mom will be the beneficiary of his social security benefits. If she also gets social security checks based on her age and employment, she'll get the larger of either her or your dad's checks.
Yeah I do know that. She also has a joint checking account so it's my understanding she would still have access to that?
When he starts to deteriorate I will have to look into getting some sort of POA so I can help my mom with stuff more. I'm not on their checking account but that is also an option I've considered so that I can better help my mom manage their money. My dad has always taken care of the bills and he either pays everything by phone now or mails in checks. I could always help out by taken care of majority of that online for her.
I've already played out that scenario in my head of what happens when he passes. My mom's monthly SS isn't that much anyways (like $400 cause she was a stay at home mom for most her life) so even with her not having that and just my dad's SS check....they would be able to get by financially and survive. It would be tight but doable. Also he wants to be cremated so more of his life insurance policy (which isn't much but enough to pay funeral expenses) could go to them.
This post was edited on 10/14/19 at 6:12 pm
Posted on 10/14/19 at 5:52 pm to lsunurse
I think LegalZoom has POA's.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:04 pm to dfintlyHmmrd
quote:look you fricking a-hole,, she's shared enough of this before that she doesn't need to retell the whole fricking story every time
Except you didn't say this in your original post, you said it was because it was your anniversary and you were trying to enjoy some naughty time with your hubby time.
how 'bout you just admit you mouthed off before you had enough information
and then go frick yourself
I also hope your daughter doenst act like Nurse and when you get old and infirmed just dumps your worthless arse in a dumpster, like the trash you are
This post was edited on 10/14/19 at 6:08 pm
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:07 pm to cajunangelle
quote:
I think LegalZoom has POA's.
Check with the financial institution as they may have there own POA that they will honor quicker than one drafted by an attorney.
It should not matter in that a POA is a POA but banks can be a pain when dealing with them and a POA that is not theirs.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:09 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I'm not on their checking account but that is also an option I've considered so that I can better help my mom manage their money
My sisters and I all had access to my parents stuff. Both sisters were authorized signers on their accounts and my older sister was actually a joint account holder so she could have full access to their accounts.
I had access to the safety deposit box. My older sister and I had medical power of attorney for both parents and we talked about what they wanted often.
Make sure both parents have advanced care directives. Also, given your siblings' situation, I'd recommend checking into getting POA for them as well. At the very least medica POA.
This post was edited on 10/14/19 at 6:12 pm
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:16 pm to fishfighter
quote:
By any chance did your Dad serve in and service?
Sadly no. Between his neurofibramatosis and having polio as a child (he had to relearn how to walk as a kid)...he was able to be exempt from any military service.
But yeah..I know where you are going. He would qualify for a VA nursing home and VA help. My grandfather served for a very short time in the military before having to come home and serve as head of household when his father died. Even only serving for a few months...that was enough for him to qualify for a VA nursing home.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:18 pm to NoHoTiger
Thanks for all the suggestions NoHo
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:20 pm to lsunurse
quote:
Thanks for all the suggestions NoHo
You're welcome. I'll help any way I can. I've dealt with this as a patient and also as a professional.
You can always send me a facebook message if you need to.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:23 pm to NoHoTiger
Give Jolly a pug hug from me 
Butters is getting tons of pug hugs through all this. Something about hugging them just makes you feel a little better. Even hearing him snore on the couch by me is comforting right now.
Butters is getting tons of pug hugs through all this. Something about hugging them just makes you feel a little better. Even hearing him snore on the couch by me is comforting right now.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:25 pm to lsunurse
freaking Butters
when he ran for President I had hope
when he ran for President I had hope
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:35 pm to cajunangelle
I'm not sure he is on antibiotics, forgot to ask when I talked to his nurse this am.
I do know a kidney doctor will be consulted to see him while inpatient. The doctor this am mentioned IV fluids and insulin to help with the potassium level and help his kidney function.
My dad has called a couple times and the times I've spoken to him he is still very delusional. Now he is saying my mom and siblings have no home anymore and is worried about them. Just very frantic, you can't rationalize with him at all. He always answers his phone on speaker so I could hear someone talking by him and he now has a 24/7 sitter in the room looking after him so that makes me feel better as well. I told the sitter to have his nurse give him some more ativan to calm him down and they can call me with any questions/updates.
Even though I can't rationalize with my dad right now, I do try to remain calm and just remind him over and over that he is safe and that my mom and siblings are safe. My mom and brother are going back to visit him in a couple hours after she gets off work. I will visit him tomorrow after work. After spending 12 hours with him in the ER and hospital last night/this am(I got home at 6 this morning) and only getting a few hours of sleep today...I'm not driving the 45 minutes each way to the hospital he is at to visit him again today.
I do know a kidney doctor will be consulted to see him while inpatient. The doctor this am mentioned IV fluids and insulin to help with the potassium level and help his kidney function.
My dad has called a couple times and the times I've spoken to him he is still very delusional. Now he is saying my mom and siblings have no home anymore and is worried about them. Just very frantic, you can't rationalize with him at all. He always answers his phone on speaker so I could hear someone talking by him and he now has a 24/7 sitter in the room looking after him so that makes me feel better as well. I told the sitter to have his nurse give him some more ativan to calm him down and they can call me with any questions/updates.
Even though I can't rationalize with my dad right now, I do try to remain calm and just remind him over and over that he is safe and that my mom and siblings are safe. My mom and brother are going back to visit him in a couple hours after she gets off work. I will visit him tomorrow after work. After spending 12 hours with him in the ER and hospital last night/this am(I got home at 6 this morning) and only getting a few hours of sleep today...I'm not driving the 45 minutes each way to the hospital he is at to visit him again today.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:39 pm to lsunurse
quote:
can keep as much as their savings as possible
Have you thought about transferring their savings to you? If they are agreeable to it anyway. You probably have good insurance working as a RN and as long as your finances aren't terrible then the savings are safer under your name than your parents.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:50 pm to Chuker
quote:
Have you thought about transferring their savings to you?
The thought has crossed my mind many times. Before this event...even with my dad's mental illness he was still able to pay bills. He would call Chase by phone and check his account that way. I tried showing him the Chase app on the tablet I bought him a couple months ago but he was not having any of that and wanted to stick to his way. I was trying to have them be as independent as possible (my therapist always reinforces this with me so I don't give into my codependent nature too much). But considering all that has happened...looks like changes will need to be made soon.
I realize my dad will likely never be like he was before the flood. It hurts but I'm trying to accept it. But hopefully this is just an acute event and he still go back to being able to maintain basic functions.
He is also very attention seeking so that complicates issues as well. Like he will say he can't walk...but then when I talk to my mom she will say he is pacing the house as he is telling me this.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 6:59 pm to lsunurse
quote:
I still have my brother and sister to then figure out what happens (do they come live with me until they die vs finding a decent group home, etc).
Does your other sibling help out at all?
You have to make the decision that is best for you, but I'd suggest a group home.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:04 pm to lsunurse
quote:
My dad has always taken care of the bills and he either pays everything by phone now or mails in checks
When you get the time, contact the places he sends 'checks' to monthly. Explain his growing infirmity and ask that your name and way to contact attached to his account so that if a payment is late, they can contact you. With three others in his house, they don't want to chance losing water, electric, etc.
I did this after my Mother was widowed and was losing it. It was a small town, but all were willing to put me down as a second point of contact.
Good luck. I wish there were ways we could help and make a positive difference.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:05 pm to NoHoTiger
quote:
I would recommend talking to an estate planning lawyer...go through legal aid if you have to
Yes, yes, yes. Get as much done now as possible to make the process easier when he does pass or before he isn't capable to make decisions.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:19 pm to lsunurse
Sorry y’all are having to deal with this.
Mental health issues can be terrible on the family.
Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal is a great book. May not be appropriate for now, but will be later.
Love him, support him, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. It’s not an easy balance. Whatever works for you is the right answer.
Mental health issues can be terrible on the family.
Atul Gawande’s Being Mortal is a great book. May not be appropriate for now, but will be later.
Love him, support him, but don’t forget to take care of yourself. It’s not an easy balance. Whatever works for you is the right answer.
Posted on 10/14/19 at 7:20 pm to HoustonChick86
quote:
Does your other sibling help out at all?
Not really. Plus he lives in Oakland, CA with his baby and gf. They are in no way financially able to help out at all.
I'm doing good just to get him to call them on a semi regular basis. He does know what happened last night though and said he will call my dad after work. It's frustrating talking to him about it though cause with his free spirited hippie-ish type attitude about everything he just thinks my dad shouldn't be on so many meds.
quote:
You have to make the decision that is best for you, but I'd suggest a group home.
My therapist strongly suggests a group home as well. I wouldn't be opposed to it, just would not want them to end up in some really bad group home cause of their financial situation. They would live with me before I allowed that to happen.
This post was edited on 10/14/19 at 7:23 pm
Page 7 of 11
Popular
Back to top
Follow TigerDroppings for LSU Football News