Ex wife is getting my pre-teen a debit card.

A debit card is as close to real money as you can get. I got all my kids a debit card at about 15, where I could transfer money as needed, and they could also deposit money they earned.

You are overthinking this.

If your son can’t figure out that spending $20 on his debit card (and seeing $20 deducted from his account) is the same thing as spending $20 cash then he’s prolly fricked. If he gets it then he’ll be fine.

Does a debit card have the same protections as a credit card if it is fraudulently used? It’s probably ok if the account balance is controlled and is a smallish amount. If it’s an account with a large balance, I might be worried.

It’s very convenient when your kid is not with you and you can transfer money if needed.

You can also see where the money is being spent.

My kids each got a checking account with a linked debit card when they "graduated" (I hate that word) from 5th grade.

All of their allowance money goes into that account (they get their allowance on the last day of the month, provided they did what they were supposed to do for that month), and at least 1/3rd of any gift money (birthday and holiday presents, money for good grades, etc) goes into that account (1/3rd they can keep in cash if they want or deposit to the account, the final 1/3rd goes into a savings account at a credit union that is a custodial account but they have no access to... my wife have to approve any transfers out of that account).

My 15 year old started working a job this summer and all of her paychecks go into her checking account as well.

The accounts are through capital one. They have a pretty good app so the kids can track their spending individually (they each have their own login). Additionally, my wife has a login she can use to see both of their accounts, plus an account she has with them that basically functions as a savings account for her).

To me, pulling up an debit / checking account and getting an immediate view of spending does just as much, if not more, to teach kids about good habits, then spenidng cash does.

I'm sorry, this is a good thing for the kid.

Open him a Roth IRA and match his contributions. That might balance out his urge to spend and teach him to save & invest. Fidelity Youth Account looks like a good program W debit card, learning modules and parental oversight plus they'll give him $50 for opening it (maybe another bonus for opening a Roth) and parent can get $100. He can also earn $ completing financial basics lessons and convert gift cards to cash using the app.
ETA: You'd have to wait until 13 for the Fidelity Youth Account

She's not evil, she just doesn't grok how you set patterns for the future with kids that will impact them their entire lives.

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How old is the kid?

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He's pre-teen, but the ex that has custody is of the "you'll just make more money to compensate" mentality. I brought him to my place and he noticed a Bentley in the garage (ETA, my apartment complex garage, not *my* garage!), and commented on it. That's a level of materialism nobody in my family has ever experienced or expressed in my entire life. He bought a 5th grade chick in his class a $100 necklace, which her parents returned. That's five years worth of socks for me.

If I had a $20 bill as a kid, and I broke it, I felt sad. He's going to buy a Nutella filled crepe (FML, we've jumped the shark) for $13 and not care.

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The issue is more the thought that because the card is in hand, there is money. I asked him when his final exams were at the end of this year, he had no idea. !!! Not confidence inspiring.

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I mean, it’s the end of October. His teachers probably haven’t even talked with them about when his final exams are yet

I’m no psychologist, but is this really about your kid getting a debit card? This feels like more of a thing between you and your ex.

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He gets paid in cash for doing work for other families. I was a reader of Consumer Reports' Zillions/Penny Power as a kid, so I know that the impact of buying stuff with real money is psychologically different than using a card.

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You are exercising a muscle that will never be used by him as a teen or adult.

I fought the prepaid debit card thing, but when mine hit high school the need for 20 bucks here and there for him to hang out and go do stuff with his buddies drove me nuts. Started by just getting 2-300 dollars in 20s to have available for him. We had zero control of that.

The greenlight card should give us transparency into 75% of his spending. He has been pretty responsible but from a logistics standpoint sometimes he needs more money or such if plans change and this will allow us to accomodate his need for more funds without having to drive and meet him or other type issues.

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It’s probably ok if the account balance is controlled and is a smallish amount. If it’s an account with a large balance, I might be worried.

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oh, I love my boys but neither would ever have access to large balances. One may blow it on something to impress his buddies or girls...the other may try to buy some antique Japanese samurai sword or something equally nerdy. Two kids that are damn near opposites. But both capable of extremely stupid acts.