re: Divorced members of the OT

quote:

---

Divorce rates for second marriages are close to 70%. I'm too old and have too much to lose to play those odds.

---

I totally understand. I am there as well. However, never say never. In the event you do remarry make sure there is a signed pre-nup that's tighter than a new born a-hole. If she refuses to sign, walk away. Other thing, make sure she is "fixed". You don't want any more kids. There's a good reason why the young should be having and raising them. The other thing is that I would not want to do anything that would frick up whatever inheritance my two children from my previous marriage would receive. If you die with an under-aged kid, the playing field changes.

In my case my ex surrendered custody of both kids so she could go off and have a new life. I finished raising them, putting them through school, and married the last one off this past weekend. I would not do anything to hurt them financially.

quote:

---

People change and that's what scares me.

---

Yes, we all change and we are living longer.

As far as the ex, the second kid seemed to be a game changer, and the hysterectomy sealed the deal. She got religion and it was only a matter of time. She wanted a "new life." For her to have that new life, I had to finish raising the kids and adjust to setting up and running a household on my own. It wasn't easy, but the kids and I pulled together and made it happen.

Funny thing, she actually intimated to one of the kids (knowing I would get the message) about her intent to move back after her boyfriend dies off. I sent a message back to the effect that she was a big girl, but my home address was not an option for that move and never would be. I couldn't believe she was already planning for after his death.

quote:

---

He died a few years ago. Mean arse!

So did John Anderson. Remember him? Kind of slow super nice black dude.

---

fo real? Fleming died? Damn.

I don't remember John.

quote:

---

Don't think I'll ever get over my kids having to deal with that.

---

I think that's what hurt the most. Particularly the expression on my son's face when his mother told him we were breaking up and she was the one wanting it. I'll never forget that night.

quote:

---

can understand the bitterness that can come from having to pay a woman money while someone else puts the boots to her

---

I find it downright interesting that the wife can pop out a couple of kids, let the girlfriends influence her thinking on what she is missing out on, then just absolve herself of all responsibility and run off to a new life, leaving the husband holding the bag. Yeah, I know that there are some husbands that do it as well, but I see more of it in the way of wives. Hell, there are even a couple of movies out there that glorify that lifestyle.

Due to her pulling that shite, I made sure to lawyer up and make sure she got her clothes, jewelry, a vehicle, and a modest case settlement in exchange for my never having to deal with her again. I didn't want the divorce, she did. She got "enlightened" while I was working my goddamned arse off supporting her and the kids - and yes, I still found time to spend with everyone. It took a long time for my emotions to go from hurt to outright pissed. But I got there. Now I am moving into apathy over her. A lot of folks are looking at her and shaking their heads, wondering what snapped inside of her. Was I a perfect husband? No. Was she a perfect wife? Certainly not. I even wanted us to go to counseling and try to work things out. shite, we'd been together 29 years - if nothing else, then for old times' sake. I thought in addition to being spouses, we were friends. Boy did I ever frick up on that. When she flipped the switch, it flipped for good. I gave her a one year window to come home. She refused it, and I reluctantly filed for finalization of the divorce.

I am at a point with her that if something happened to her, it just really wouldn't bother me. I'd be there for the kids as it would bother me to see them hurting, but as for me? I could case less what happens to that bitch.

quote:

---

I did

---

There it is.

quote:

---

years of abuse

---

What kind?

quote:

---

living with a complete narcissist

---

Hmmm.

it doesn't matter who files. there is a special place in hell for anyone who uses kids to gain an advantage in a divorce

quote:

---

When she flipped the switch, it flipped for good.

---

Men and women love differently. Women love opportunistically. Men are actually the romantics. It's why we can't comprehend how they can get so cold. It's because when things are over for them, you may as well be their worst enemy, or worse, dead.

quote:

---

but I see more of it in the way of wives.

---

There is a reason why the vast majority of divorces are instigated by women, and it's not because the vast majority of men are horrible husbands.

quote:

---

it doesn't matter who files. there is a special place in hell for anyone who uses kids to gain an advantage in a divorce

---

Yes, but let's be honest. If the vast majority of the filers are women, who are the ones most typically using the kids to gain an advantage?