re: Divorced members of the OT

If you have children you will always be somewhat attached and that will strain some of your relationships. I experienced that and in hind site, they weren't worth the worry. If there are no kids, things will get better and you move on.

Can y'all pls stop this thread, the estrogen has started to seep out and contaminate the rest of the OT.

Thanks

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Since my divorce I've had one girl break up with me. I think she was taken aback when she told me it wasn't working out and I just said OK. I basically said "I enjoyed it. See ya around."

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if i had to put my finger on one thing about myself is that every break up has hardened me this way. I've taken every breakup like a self learning robot. Part of me used to get broken but after the smoke cleared i was better off from that experience and now have nothing left of me to hurt.

My divorce took care of several of those things. I feel emotionless now. I know that's not a good thing but i can see it clearly.

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I wish I could be like you. But I planned on being with this girl for the rest of my life. It's hard for someone to get through to me. But when they do, I love hard. That's how it's supposed to be. We're not robots.

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read my post

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I don't understand the people who take years to get over it emotionally.

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I think it's more difficult to not understand how someone could take time getting over the loss or betrayal of someone who was their absolute best friend.

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I've always looked at it like this.... If someone doesn't want to be with me, it's out of my control and there's no use wasting time being sad about it.

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To me, that's oversimplifying it greatly

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I guess it's a learned defense mechanism.

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I would say it's definitely that, whether it's suppression or you just don't get close to someone because you don't want to get hurt.

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I guess I'm lucky that I can move on easily.

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Eh, I wouldn't call it lucky, but I do hope the best for you when it comes to finding someone and being happy with them.

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People change and that's what scares me.

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Thats what scares me.

Most people are lazy and get fat.

I wont stand for it.

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what if there were no red flags at the time of the ceremony? What if you go home and your spouse isn't the same person you married 15 years ago? the longer I'm married the more I realize how daunting it is to stay with the same person for a lifetime, given how people change. Careers, interests, dreams, plans, etc all change as we get older. Maybe some of these folks really made the right choice- at the time, but things went south years later.

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That's why I don't think it is realistic. Especially not in this day and age where people want their personal freedom so much. It made sense back in the day where you needed a spouse and eight children to work on the farm and the life expectancy was mid forties. But, like you posted, it is a decision made when you are young and almost with the assumption that both of you and your relationships will remain static and frozen in time at that particular point. Our lives, interests, values, desires change as we get older and wiser. It is simply an institution that does not sync up with reality anymore. Most are simply too young and naive at the time they enter into the contract.

First of all, professional literature suggests that it takes approximately one year of recovery for every five years married.

Yes, it will do a number on your finances for a bit.

I was married 27 years, and have been divorced seven.

Creditors are now speaking to me again with decent rates. Financially, I would have to say that things just started cranking up within the last year for me. I am taking great pains to re-enter the financial world cautiously. I am taking even greater pains to find another relationship.

I wish to hell I would have known 40 years ago what I know now, but then again, don't we all?

You'll be ok. Just takes time. Don't try to force things that are not there. That which was taken from you will eventually be returned ..... as long as you don't frick something up in the process.

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Im at 15 years and still dealing with it

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I don't think you ever stop dealing with it. I really don't think you ever get fully over it. However, with time things get easier and you find yourself more enabled to move "beyond" that tragedy.

I will say that my anger towards my ex was a very slow build-up to the point that I couldn't stand to be in the same room with her. The "bitch" finally found some dumbass who would frick her and put her up. He evidently didn't do very well on the IQ tests when he was going into the military and got put on the front lines in 'Nam.

I was at my son's wedding this last weekend, and while she brought her boyfriend to show off (for whatever that was worth - poor bastard should be nursing home material before long), she got nervous as hell when she saw my date. LOVED IT!!!!!!!!!