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Has anyone here ever had an affair?
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:16 am
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:16 am
A couple of months ago I posted about a buddy who was having an affair and he's still knee deep in her. What's the psychology behind that? What causes married people to actively engage in a whole new relationship? I'm not just talking about the one night stand on a business trip in Minneapolis, but a fully blown relationship with the other party that involves planning on meetups etc. How did it end?
31
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:16 am to RedRifle
Somewhere someone has
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:16 am to RedRifle
quote:
Has anyone here ever had an affair?
Nope, never in the history of ever.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:17 am to RedRifle
I haven't yet, but I can't imagine staying faithful to a future wife forever - especially if I continue traveling so much for work through my career.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:18 am to RedRifle
quote:
What causes married people to actively engage in a whole new relationship? I'm not just talking about the one night stand on a business trip in Minneapolis, but a fully blown relationship with the other party that involves planning on meetups etc. How did it end?
Sex life
Not meeting the needs of the other
Possible abuse
Possible negativity (words) towards the other
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:18 am to gar90
I have. It's the most selfish and shameful thing I've ever done. Not something I'll ever repeat.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:18 am to RedRifle
i've been the "other guy"....but i've never been the one cheating.
i had to end it because the guilt was too much
i had to end it because the guilt was too much
This post was edited on 10/2/14 at 10:20 am
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:19 am to RedRifle
Imagine someone married to a person not all that dissimilar to yourself.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:19 am to Choctaw
Having an affair is a mortal sin. I would never do this nor condone such behavior.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:20 am to RedRifle
Not personally.
Been a spectator to it like you. Research shows a lack of good, quality communication typically leads to it.
Learning how to tell your husband or wife you're unhappy in a constructive way is really difficult. It's easier to start something with someone else who may not present those problems at the beginning of the relationship. If communication isn't good with any party, problems will still occur and it won't be better - just different.
Been a spectator to it like you. Research shows a lack of good, quality communication typically leads to it.
Learning how to tell your husband or wife you're unhappy in a constructive way is really difficult. It's easier to start something with someone else who may not present those problems at the beginning of the relationship. If communication isn't good with any party, problems will still occur and it won't be better - just different.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:21 am to mikelbr
quote:
mikelbr
Hijack. You hear about the rugby team?
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:23 am to SirWinston
quote:
faithful to a future wife forever - especially if I continue traveling so much for work
quote:
I'm not just talking about the one night stand on a business trip in Minneapolis,
You're in luck, those don't count. #OT4life
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:23 am to LSU0812
This is the best response I've seen to marital/divorce topics around here. I'm also a victim of this from my ex but too many times people simply don't know how to effectively communicate. People need to learn how to take someone's mistakes and use that as an opportunity to show them that despite mistakes, you still love and believe in them and use it as a way to build them up.
Like my ex, too many use mistakes as a tool to beat people down.
Like my ex, too many use mistakes as a tool to beat people down.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:25 am to RedRifle
No, not saying it's never crossed my mind but at the end of the day I care too much about the others that it would impact.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:26 am to RedRifle
Nope.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:26 am to bamarep
quote:
People need to learn how to take someone's mistakes and use that as an opportunity to show them that despite mistakes, you still love and believe in them and use it as a way to build them up.
no one on the OT will ever forgive a spouse for cheating
thats something i've realized from reading this place
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:27 am to LSU0812
A lot of people I know in my age range (mid 30s) see it as part of marital life. It might be because of the explosion of the divorce rate in the 80s when we were kids. There are a ton of people from "good families" who are really from broken homes.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:27 am to RedRifle
Its not an affair if you're paying for it....
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:28 am to bamarep
If you're interested, read "Crucial Conversations." Great book giving you diologue tools for personal and professional life. Based on 20 years of great research.
Most marriage counselors and leadership coaches recommend it.
Most marriage counselors and leadership coaches recommend it.
Posted on 10/2/14 at 10:31 am to Croacka
quote:
no one on the OT will ever forgive a spouse for cheating
You can forgive, but it would it ever be the same?
It would change the dynamics of the relationship so much. I'm 24, not married, but I wouldn't be able to look at my wife the same if she cheated. There's a chance of trying to work it out, but I just couldn't see myself getting past it.
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