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Started By
Message
Marriage and Money
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:12 pm
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:12 pm
I got married 31 yrs ago. Wife (no pics) was fresh out of professional school. ZERO income. ZERO savings but ZERO debt. so, with my meager savings of around 3400 dollars, off we went with that and 2 cars. There was no issue about combining money etc. There was none to combine.
Now, my late 20's daughter is supposedly getting married. Both her and the fiance have good STEM jobs and good income. Daughter has saved really well both through her employer (US Govt) and whatever is left is in various index funds and a cash fund. and is rightfully proud of herself.. VERY proud
So, how do people go forward in this situation. I know she'll be extremely reluctant to just take all of hers and combine with all of his. That's HER savings that she watches like a hawk.
She hasn't asked my advice but I'd like to give her some guidance. I know she's not financially savvy and not sure about him. She's a penny pincher and I think he is too. So that's good.
Now, my late 20's daughter is supposedly getting married. Both her and the fiance have good STEM jobs and good income. Daughter has saved really well both through her employer (US Govt) and whatever is left is in various index funds and a cash fund. and is rightfully proud of herself.. VERY proud
So, how do people go forward in this situation. I know she'll be extremely reluctant to just take all of hers and combine with all of his. That's HER savings that she watches like a hawk.
She hasn't asked my advice but I'd like to give her some guidance. I know she's not financially savvy and not sure about him. She's a penny pincher and I think he is too. So that's good.
25
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:15 pm to Jmcc64
I mean, the status quo is any assets before a marriage remain the separate property of the individual. You don't just give half away upon marriage.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:17 pm to Jmcc64
quote:
Now, my late 20's daughter is supposedly getting married.
quote:
She hasn't asked my advice
I can see why
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:21 pm to Jmcc64
quote:
So, how do people go forward in this situation. I know she'll be extremely reluctant to just take all of hers and combine with all of his. That's HER savings that she watches like a hawk.
How much we talking here?
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:21 pm to Jmcc64
Tough call, every scenario is different.
You see a lot of second marriages where the potential of a prenup is less of an emotional issue.
Maybe it won't matter for her and him?
Hopefully they'll live together happily ever after.
You see a lot of second marriages where the potential of a prenup is less of an emotional issue.
Maybe it won't matter for her and him?
Hopefully they'll live together happily ever after.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:22 pm to Jmcc64
quote:
She hasn't asked my advice but I'd like to give her some guidance
MYOB
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:36 pm to Jmcc64
quote:
I got married 31 yrs ago. Wife (no pics) was fresh out of professional school. ZERO income. ZERO savings but ZERO debt. so, with my meager savings of around 3400 dollars, off we went with that and 2 cars. There was no issue about combining money etc. There was none to combine. Now, my late 20's daughter is supposedly getting married. Both her and the fiance have good STEM jobs and good income. Daughter has saved really well both through her employer (US Govt) and whatever is left is in various index funds and a cash fund. and is rightfully proud of herself.. VERY proud So, how do people go forward in this situation. I know she'll be extremely reluctant to just take all of hers and combine with all of his. That's HER savings that she watches like a hawk. She hasn't asked my advice but I'd like to give her some guidance. I know she's not financially savvy and not sure about him. She's a penny pincher and I think he is too. So that's good.
They could just open joint accounts and start fresh from there.
My wife and I have never had joint accounts. She has her checking, savings, HYSA and retirement accounts and I have mine.
We did open a joint money market to park some money in when we sold a house but reinvested that into a new home so I just left it joint and use it to send monthly payments for my 2026 Roth conversion in January.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:37 pm to Jmcc64
You seem clueless about how finances work.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:43 pm to Jmcc64
My thoughts are first marriage just put it all together. 2nd+ marriage 100% keep it seperate.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 3:59 pm to Jmcc64
Every couple is so different. I want to be the person in the relationship that handles finances and my wife has zero interest in being that person. That’s the only fight I think we’ve never had.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 4:10 pm to Jmcc64
I would have her take her last account statement before being legally married for preservation. Anything that goes into her accounts once married can be considered community property depending on what State they reside in while married.
I have the original closing papers on our house showing the $20k I put down on it and bought it before we were married. Once married, all of the principal acquired is considered community property. But, if we ever split, I can claim that $20k extrapolated by the home value. So if our home is worth 2x from when it was purchased, I can claim $40k off the top before splitting.
I have the original closing papers on our house showing the $20k I put down on it and bought it before we were married. Once married, all of the principal acquired is considered community property. But, if we ever split, I can claim that $20k extrapolated by the home value. So if our home is worth 2x from when it was purchased, I can claim $40k off the top before splitting.
This post was edited on 7/4/25 at 6:09 am
Posted on 7/3/25 at 5:09 pm to Jmcc64
Why not have seperate and also a join account?
Thats how my parents do it
Never any issues
Bills get paid and everyone buys what they want
Thats how my parents do it
Never any issues
Bills get paid and everyone buys what they want
Posted on 7/3/25 at 5:36 pm to Lawyered
quote:This is what we do...for a reason.
Why not have seperate and also a join account?
Posted on 7/3/25 at 5:43 pm to Jmcc64
Marriage is supposed to be forever.
If you cannot combine accounts, you probably should not get married. There are obviously already trust issues.
If you cannot combine accounts, you probably should not get married. There are obviously already trust issues.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 5:50 pm to DarthRebel
I might be old school here but if you don't trust someone with your money, why share your life with them. You are literally giving away your life to your other half.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 6:06 pm to Jmcc64
Everyone needs a pre-nup, doesn’t matter financial situation
You decide the terms; not the govt
You decide the terms; not the govt
Posted on 7/3/25 at 6:24 pm to rowbear1922
edit.
to answer Kilroy, probably in 350-ish.? all told, including the Govt accts.
my parents had separate checking and I have no idea about savings; my mother had teachers retirement. she paid the bills from her checking and if she needed money he'd write her a check . they did alright.
my wife and I have combined everything (except retirement accts)
to answer Kilroy, probably in 350-ish.? all told, including the Govt accts.
my parents had separate checking and I have no idea about savings; my mother had teachers retirement. she paid the bills from her checking and if she needed money he'd write her a check . they did alright.
my wife and I have combined everything (except retirement accts)
This post was edited on 7/3/25 at 6:59 pm
Posted on 7/3/25 at 6:33 pm to Jmcc64
You’re late 20’s daughter has saved up 250k at her government job?
Damn
Damn
Posted on 7/3/25 at 6:37 pm to Jmcc64
Ask her what is she worried about. If the roles were reversed chances are the woman will say "when we marry we become one." So that would mean he is entitled to half. She should not have a problem with this, but if she does you risk the guy saying f this and second guess marriage. Why get married if she can take half my stuff and custody of my kids but I can't take hers.
However, if it works out then sign a prenup that he does not get anything earned before the marriage.
At the age they are at they are probably so in love, that love is blind.
However, if it works out then sign a prenup that he does not get anything earned before the marriage.
At the age they are at they are probably so in love, that love is blind.
Posted on 7/3/25 at 6:37 pm to Jmcc64
quote:
That's HER savings that she watches like a hawk.
Sounds like she will be fine
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