re: 12 Year Old Girl with BPD

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I don't know the details, hell I don't even know if 23 and me is the exact test she took but for some reason it rings a bell. What I do know is that based on that test they were able to determine what she was deficient in (chemically I guess) and matched her up with the meds that fixed that issue. Prior to the test, it was just trial and error where they would try a med for a few months and then if it didn't work, they would wean off it and then try a new med.

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I think he’s looking for Genesight
My friend did this and as I understand you get either red, yellow or green markers next to medications, with green being the best match for you. It was very helpful for her.

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if they are hellbent on doing the opposite.

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Heck of an adjective.

I’ll be praying for you and your family. Peace be with you.

Good luck.

Has she had a lot of exposure to social media and does she have access to her own smart phone?

Did you spank her growing up? Maybe she missed out on quality, lesson-filled spankings.

Leo, your family will be in my prayers.

Lot of good stuff ITT, just want to share some personal observation. Not suggesting I know more than the next guy, just sharing in case it’s helpful to anyone.

(Not directed at OP, but some of the other comments) I’d advise to be careful on being so sure the suicide threats are always manipulation. Yes, that certainly happens a lot, but BPD has very high rates of attempts and success. I saw years of loud threats, some barely drawing blood “just let me bleed out”s, etc. But she hid and was sneaky when she actually did attempt. Pills. Threats were for me, the real attempts were for her. I have real guilt about not seeing things, possibly because I “knew” she’d never do it for real, and just being lucky she wasn’t good at it.

Something most of us will never understand is how absolutely devastating it is for them to perceive being abandoned. Makes even less sense when they actively and aggressively push “their people” away. Do everything you can to reinforce that she’s loved and you have her back when she’s not asking for it/acting out. Hopefully fill the void. Hug her. A lot. Just because. And despite her protests :D You can’t control whether she accepts it, you can only control whether you put it out there.

My wife calls it going dark. I don’t know if this is normal for everyone, but she would do everything she could to hide it. Shame, mostly. Which leads to feeling more isolated and make everything worse. It took a very long time for her to be willing to me know when things start going South. But we got finally got here. And it beats the hell out of getting blamed for not seeing things that are purposely being hidden from you ;)

I’m not that guy who’s going to say living right, diet & exercise solves everything. But I have a lot of experience that physical activity and eating right at least correlates with if not causes being “better”. Find a way to incorporate these, bonus points for making it quality family time.

Get therapy for the family with someone who knows bpd. She’s going to lash out. She’s going to figuratively blow things up, or literally set boxes on fire. She’s going to push your buttons. You need tools. Also, read the books that have been recommended.

Some have suggested that this is evil. I don’t follow that line of thought. But I do feel there is similarity in how to fight it. Weeds only grow where they are allowed space. Darkness can only exist in the absence of light. If your bucket is full to the brim with good, there’s no room to slip in something bad. Don’t allow space for the weeds.

The rule of (at least) 51. If you don’t take care of yourself you won’t be able to take care of others. Same concept of putting your air mask on first. You can’t rescue anyone if you’re passed out on the floor.

DBT is the way. Good news is it can definitely work to repair what is broken. (Potentially) Bad news is she has to want to and be open to it. Try to be sure to always frame it positively.

God bless you Brother. You have a lot of dudes here that love you and want to support and help. At the very, very least, you know you have a place to come to vent.

Yeah I don’t think you’re alone on that. The only thing I can add that I’ve picked up on from observation is to make a diligent effort to avoid yourself, other family, friends and anyone else to “tell her” she’s bad or this or that negative comments regarding this thing because the whole negative reinforcement and self-fulfilling prophecy (which has different names for it perhaps) - those concepts are very real and very meaningful/consequential. So I suppose to the contrary make all possible efforts to reinforce in her all sorts of positive thinking.

Sorry bro. Your child old a sociopath.
LINK

I am bipolar. My sister was diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). Our mother is bipolar as well. DBT therapy has helped my sister. I take Lexapro to control the drastic mood swings. Marijuana has helped us more than anything else though. I hope this helps.