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re: A good buddy called me asking for money yesterday. Update 6/12

Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:19 pm to
Posted by Jester
Baton Rouge
Member since Feb 2006
34483 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:19 pm to
quote:

You should have lent him the cash if you trust and love him and believe he will pay you back.


It's a story as old as time.
Posted by WHATDOINO
Member since Dec 2008
6519 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:24 pm to
How much money we talking about? Only lend what you are ok not getting back.

I don’t think it’s actually a close friend you’re talking about as I have three I would give what I could when I could.

It’s always touchy though. Depends on situation entirely
Posted by The Boat
Member since Oct 2008
164608 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:29 pm to
Is his wife hot? Maybe you can work out a deal.
Posted by Jester
Baton Rouge
Member since Feb 2006
34483 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 5:32 pm to
quote:

Is his wife hot? Maybe you can work out a deal.


It's a story as old as time.
Posted by OceanMan
Member since Mar 2010
20070 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 6:17 pm to
Never lend anyone money without a signed agreement with internet you are willing to enforce
Posted by Triggerr
Member since Jul 2013
1904 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:11 pm to
Whatever you do plan on not getting it back. If you are ok with that go with it. Sometimes a friend needs help and you just do it if you can.
Posted by sqerty
AP
Member since May 2022
5287 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 10:03 pm to
From your side: frick that, no money for you. Always have a great excuse ready. How much money did he ask for?

Your friend's side: So embarassed didn't want to ask family. Doesn't think the downturn will last. Thinks maybe you are doing pretty well and would think it's sort of a compliment to ask.

Id say, "Time to downgrade! See ya"

Posted by bpinson
Ms
Member since May 2010
2668 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 10:25 pm to
I had the same experience 30 years ago. Buddy was in my wedding, called and asked for some money. I don't remember how much he asked for. I think it was $1,500. I asked him how he was gonna pay it back and he said he would pay when he got "back on his feet". I didn't do it. Basically, without a plan and life style change I didn't see where he could pay it back and he couldn't. I later learned he was on meth when he asked me to bang his wife cause he couldn't get it up anymore.
Posted by NoSaint
Member since Jun 2011
11351 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 10:45 pm to
quote:

don't really get how it's more of an a hole move to offer help while discussing all the options the friend is pursuing to cut back then it is to simply say you're not helping at all.


In the end you aren’t buying the right to be his parent. You don’t get to tell him where the money lands or what else to do with his life unless he has asked for that help as well.

Posted by OweO
Plaquemine, La
Member since Sep 2009
114185 posts
Posted on 5/26/23 at 11:15 pm to
quote:

they are the classic 80-90k millionaires that the OT talks about. He drives a new f150. She drives a 2 year old Yukon XL. Big into their kids sports and spend a ton of money doing that half their weekends. Kids in private school. 2 or 3 vacations a year. Has 2 boats and a side by side. Eat out all the time.


It would be hard to say yes to him. frick him. Manage his shite better
Posted by Armymann50
Playing with my
Member since Sep 2011
17272 posts
Posted on 5/27/23 at 4:31 am to
If you can't afford to give it to him forget it because he aint paying hisbills now.
Posted by ChineseBandit58
Pearland, TX
Member since Aug 2005
43098 posts
Posted on 5/27/23 at 4:57 am to
quote:

The fastest way to lose a friend is to loan them money.

this is true

but it all depends on the friend - I have a couple of friends where there would be no questions asked.

I have a few other 'friends' who I would be suspicious of unless the circumstance were really an obvious 'act of God' kind of emergency.
Posted by tss22h8
30.4 N 90.9 W
Member since Jan 2007
18668 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 2:13 pm to
"How do I do it? I'm in debt up to my eyeballs!"
This post was edited on 5/28/23 at 2:17 pm
Posted by Penrod
Member since Jan 2011
40177 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 2:32 pm to
A co-worker once borrowed $5 from another one of my co-workers. Over the next few weeks, the lender kept asking the borrower to pay him back. Finally the borrower lost his temper and angrily told him, “If I had the money to pay you back I would not have had to borrow it.” Then, as the lender walked away, the borrower muttered, “Putz!”

I’ll never forget it. Me and the other guys in the bullpen were dying laughing.
Posted by eitek1
Member since Jun 2011
2180 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 2:51 pm to
I'm in a position to help because everyone knows I have a good job and everyone knows I spend money like I make a lot less than I do.

With younger folks (if I know they have money management issues) when they ask to borrow money I usually tell them I'm going to treat them like an adult and ask what they have for collateral. I tell them "I have no issue lending you whatever you want because I know you are in need. I know you'll pay me back but it helps if everyone has something to lose so I'm going to hold on to X until we settle up".

At that point, they usually say let me think about it and never bring it up again. It's amazing how many folks are in desperate need but won't give up something of value because they know they have zero plans of paying you back.

On the flip side an army buddy called and asked for help. He's worked hard all his life but he's had a run of tough times. I gave him more than he said he needed and told him it was a gift.

If you have boats and tons of toys, I think I'm just going to tell you to sell some of your toys. Its what I would do so I have no problem telling someone else to do that.
Posted by Supermoto Tiger
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2010
9955 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 2:55 pm to
quote:

. I said I would only consider helping him if he helps himself first and shows me he is cutting back, selling some stuff. He gets kinda angry at this point like Im accusing him of something

Super dick move on YOUR part. There's a time and place for everything...you're a prick.
Posted by Serious Mug
Member since May 2023
73 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 3:39 pm to
quote:

Has 2 boats and a side by side.

"You know, I have been needing a boat and a side by side. Let's work out a deal."

You have helped your friend and you can sell the stuff if you didn't overpay. If he says no...oh well. Let him struggle.

Posted by Supermoto Tiger
Baton Rouge
Member since Dec 2010
9955 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 3:44 pm to
quote:

He trusts and respects you enough to ask which says a lot. If you have it and can do it then don’t expect to be paid back just consider it a gift.
Exactly..."I'm going to help this time, but also I want to help you put a plan together to pull you out of this situation. "
Posted by deltaland
Member since Mar 2011
91194 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 4:16 pm to
quote:

His buddy can sell his boats and side by side. More likely to die in a boating accident and side by side accident anyways.


It’s likely he financed those things for 15 years or something and the sale value is less than he owes currently because he has paid mostly interest the first few years

So basically selling them doesn’t get rid of the note. He could maybe sell and use that money to pay off some of the principle and refinance the remaining balance through one bank loan to lower his payments
Posted by deltaland
Member since Mar 2011
91194 posts
Posted on 5/28/23 at 4:24 pm to
quote:

That’s a lot of meat on the bone right there. I quit restaurant dining and get rid of the boat and side by sides before I make that call.


This. He needs to sit down and write down every single expense in the last month. Put it on paper and then list them most important to least important and start making changes on the least important. First try to cut out things that don’t require selling stuff such as eating out. That alone could probably fix his situation, eating out has gotten ridiculous expensive
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