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re: A good buddy called me asking for money yesterday. Update 6/12
Posted on 5/26/23 at 8:57 am to Cosmo
Posted on 5/26/23 at 8:57 am to Cosmo
quote:
A good buddy called me asking for money yesterday.
If you decide to lend him money, your relationship will change forever. He will always feel pressured to pay you --- and you will always feel like, "Where's my money?" This is just the way it works. I advise against this.
On the other hand, if you decide to "gift" him money, and have zero expectations of him paying you back, this could potentially work as a one-time donation. Because mentally you would be there, and it might not strain the relationship as such.
Whatever you decide to do, make sure you set clear expectations, and get it in writing (doesn't have to be formal).
This post was edited on 5/26/23 at 8:58 am
1
Posted on 5/26/23 at 8:58 am to Jake88
quote:
What makes you think there aren't people like this and given the thousands that are on this site, this situation hasn't come up? It's not some fantastical situation.
Sure it happens.
But OP makes up shite all the time. If this was a real person, he would never post those details considering his buddies are the demographic that read this website
Posted on 5/26/23 at 8:58 am to Cosmo
quote:
I asked him what lifestyle changes is he making. He basically said nothing yet, just gotta get through this stretch. I said I would only consider helping him if he helps himself first and shows me he is cutting back, selling some stuff. He gets kinda angry at this point like Im accusing him of something. Calms down and we just kinda end it. Hope I didnt lose a friend.
I think this is pretty reasonable of you if you're going to loan/give your friend money, because you know he's going to just hit you back up for more when he blows through it and makes no changes on his end.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 8:59 am to Cosmo
Call him back
Tell him you’ll loan him money on a weekly basis and he has take care of domestic duties around your house
ie shine your shoes, cut grass, clean the windows, wash cars…. Just small things you don’t want to do.
He repays you the money when he gets his feet back on the ground but if he doesn’t then at least you got some work done.
Tell him you’ll loan him money on a weekly basis and he has take care of domestic duties around your house
ie shine your shoes, cut grass, clean the windows, wash cars…. Just small things you don’t want to do.
He repays you the money when he gets his feet back on the ground but if he doesn’t then at least you got some work done.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 8:59 am to SquatchDawg
Y’all talk about selling shite like it’s a quick solution. All that shite is financed and likely upside down. Maybe I’m too generous and maybe it’s because I’m not in the same situation but if the loan doesn’t hurt my family or investment plans, I’m definitely helping a friend in need. How much money are we talking about? A few thousand to pay bills?
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:00 am to Salmon
quote:
a family only making $90k wouldn't be able to afford half that shite and would certainly need a lot more than a few grand to keep that lifestyle going
There is something called credit. My guess the vehicles are financed, the house is on a mortgage. The boats may be on credit. All you need is proof of income and an acceptable credit rating and you can "afford" that lifestyle.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:02 am to Cosmo
The only good buddy who ever asked me for money had gotten himself hooked on opiates after a medical procedure. Took him about 25 years to get that monkey off his back, but he did and we are still friends.
I helped him in other ways, but did not loan him any money. I don't bet on junkies.
I helped him in other ways, but did not loan him any money. I don't bet on junkies.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:03 am to Salmon
The “friend” that’s willing to stoop low enough to ask friends for money with multiple boats, new vehicles, and other toys is not the guy that’s going to pay you back.
You only ask people for money when you are out of options, this guy clearly has several.
You only ask people for money when you are out of options, this guy clearly has several.
This post was edited on 5/26/23 at 9:05 am
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:03 am to O
quote:
The fastest way to lose a friend is to loan them money.
Or to go to work for friends or have them work for you. It just puts a strain on the relationship. I would say the same for family.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:03 am to Ralph_Wiggum
quote:
There is something called credit. My guess the vehicles are financed, the house is on a mortgage. The boats may be on credit.
Thanks Ralph
quote:
All you need is proof of income and an acceptable credit rating and you can "afford" that lifestyle.
You still have to be able to afford those monthly notes. And someone owning all of those things and living that lifestyle is not paying half of those monthly bills on $90k.
"but that is why he is asking for money" Yeah. And according to OP, just for insurance premiums.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:03 am to wasteland
quote:
I’m definitely helping a friend in need.
if OP is on the level, he wouldn't be helping him to give the guy money, he'd just be putting a band-aid on a bleeding femoral artery, ironically, I think OP is a doc
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:04 am to Cosmo
As tough as it was, you did the right thing.
I learned this lesson from a money manager friend. He only represents the "very wealthy". So, clearly I'm not one of his clients.
He used to run the local baseball group. One day the grounds keeper asks if the association will lend him some money.
This money manager said ok, but we now control your finances, and let's see where we can cut back.
You have cable TV, that's gone,etc.
A lesson I never forgot.
I learned this lesson from a money manager friend. He only represents the "very wealthy". So, clearly I'm not one of his clients.
He used to run the local baseball group. One day the grounds keeper asks if the association will lend him some money.
This money manager said ok, but we now control your finances, and let's see where we can cut back.
You have cable TV, that's gone,etc.
A lesson I never forgot.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:05 am to Ed Osteen
Cool.
I was trying to think of a more real world scenario, not just "hey guys I'm friends with the dumbest guy in the world, should I help him?" scenario
I was trying to think of a more real world scenario, not just "hey guys I'm friends with the dumbest guy in the world, should I help him?" scenario
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:05 am to weptiger
quote:
I loaned money twice to “friends” and they are “friends” no longer as they repeatedly promised (lied) about paying me back.
This for me now. It's a crapshoot if the person borrowing the money will actually pay it back.
The last time I lent a friend money he needed $3K and did pay it back in less than 2 months time and threw in an additional $500 that I refused to take.
However, that is the best case scenario and I've been burned a few times, but luckily not for big money-----just a few hundred a time, but it's the principal of the thing.
And I've got family members who mistake the word "borrow" for "just give me money" and they no longer bother to call me. I'm not a walking ATM that dispenses cash at will.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:05 am to Cosmo
quote:Never heard it put quite this way but sums it up beautifully. Self-denial is so yesterday.
80-90k millionaires
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:06 am to SlowFlowPro
quote:
That's why it's so hard for them to understand people outside of that bubble and don't believe the stories.
I see it more than most when we do mortgage inspections and evictions. People will have vehicles less than 2 years old, boats, toy haulers, ATVs, etc in their yards but put off paying their mortgage.
I used to wonder why they don't sell the toys first and there are a few reasons.
One is pride and keeping up with the Joneses. If they sell they have to explain to friends why.
They think they have more leeway with a mortgage and they sort of do. It takes forever in most states to reach eviction once you get past the 90 days late and the filings start. You can also delay it further with some legal maneuvering, especially bankruptcy.
We had one in Lafayette recently where the guy quit paying his mortgage 4 years ago and lived in the house for free during that time. He was actually surprised when my crews and the deputies showed up to put him out as he had successfully delayed it for so long.
The other is they are upside down on all of it and would have to come up with cash to make up the difference in what they could sell the cars or toys for vs what they owe.
They let the credit card payments go first, then the house because of how long it takes to get evicted. Cars and those other things are easier to get repoed if you don't pay after 60 days so they still have all of the toys, kids are still playing travel ball, etc.
It's baffling to me but I see it week in and week out in all 13 states I operate in.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:06 am to Cosmo
Tell him to sell those 2 boats
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:08 am to Cosmo
What kind of boat? I might consider it if the price is a bargain. Got cash in hand
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:09 am to Cosmo
With friends or family, there is no “only loan them money if you are confident they will pay you back.”
Either given them money with no expectation of repayment or don’t give them money. No loans to family and friends.
If you don’t give them money and they get mad about it, that’s on them, not you.
Either given them money with no expectation of repayment or don’t give them money. No loans to family and friends.
If you don’t give them money and they get mad about it, that’s on them, not you.
Posted on 5/26/23 at 9:09 am to Eightballjacket
quote:
It’s crazy that something like rising insurance premiums is enough to put a person in the position that they’re begging friends for money.
When we were buying our house right before the market went nuts, we purposefully bought something that gave us plenty of wiggle room if costs rose.
I have more than a few friends who used the full amount that was loaned to them and are in the process of becoming upside down on their mortgages.
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