re: Do you feel like you sacrificed your personality for your wife, family, career?

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I used to be fun. With friends. Personal interests. A social life. I was into horror movies, rock and metal music, and video games. I don’t really do any of them anymore

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Let me address the male/female dynamic of this. (There are many others obviously).

None of these things serve the female imperative. Society has a natural path in which a productive man is supposed to be in service of a woman's purpose. That's usually framed as "family" when it's actually about a wife. You, as a man, are disposable. I'm not saying you aren't loved because I'm sure you are. It's just that you have to subjugate your needs and desires for the needs of the woman in your life. It's just expected. And when you die they will celebrate you in direct proportion to the degree for which you came through for your family. But you, sorry to say, -your ambitions and desires, only really count if they are in the service of the woman at the center of your life.

Let me ask you, what do you want? If you did it/bought it, would they say you are having a midlife "crisis"? Of course. Do women have a mid-life "crisis" when they want something? Of course not. They are just "growing" and "finding themselves". They see life as an emotional journey and you are there to further their emotional journey. They way you feel about things if you disagree, may be seen as inherently hostile and opposed to their emotional journey. Which is their entire point. You and her accomplishing her goals and tending to her emotional needs. As a man you've been told your entire life to "do the right thing" while women are told "you do what's right for you girl". Thus, your metal concert becomes priority number 35, and her needs stay front and center. That's the female imperative.

Take it a step further and you might even notice that for many women their emotional life is the entire point. Thus they will tell you that everything that effects their general mood needs to be discussed to death but you aren't generally presumed to have an opinion about it. And they certainly don't want to reflect on your opinion. They just want you to rubber stamp that their feelings on any given thing ARE the entire point, again serving the female imperative. You primarily exist to provide for their security and affirm their emotions. Horror movies, rock and metal music, and video games are for boys, you see, and not moving her life forward. Which, for far too many women is the point of their husband's existence. You are there to get her where she wants to go.

I'm not arguing against marriage and women are obviously awesome, I'm just saying maybe you understand the bill of goods we are sold as men, do an inventory of what YOU want and make it happen while you still have time.

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When I was a child, I spake as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.

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Imagine thinking rock music/horror movies/video games are something only children partake in.

Bible has led you astray

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And even then, the girls aren't going to like you.

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Speak for yourself

I’ve always had scaredy cat men in my life so I just watch my horror movies alone. I think that’s an excellent trait.

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It's time for a mullet and a Corvette.

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It’s always time for those two things.

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don't mind the sacrifices, I just wish my wife would appreciate it more.

I think the most annoying thing is they tell you to talk to them but when you try it's always they don't have the time or they take it as an opportunity to turn it around on you.

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make a time to talk. you both need it.

I recommend a book Non-violent communication.
its got rules you can implement to improve your exchanges.

of course I'm not me from high school. I don't think it's because I've given anything up, it's because I've changed as a person which is to be expected. I'm sure there are some people who never leave their initial comfort zone and never change.... you could still be the person that enjoys metal and video games...but what if it was at the expense of never knowing your children? We don't have room in our lives for everything....we can only hope that what were left with is what we want....you said it's a good life so it seems you have

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Being asleep by 10pm is a must. My kids go to bed at 8:30pm, so there’s little time for anything outside of hanging out with the wife and getting ready for bed.

It’s weird. I feel like I’m not really me any more.

Anyone else feel this way? Is it just normal for becoming the middle aged dad persona?

I guess I can see how middle aged dudes stop giving a frick and go do things on their own. My dad’s like that. For a few decades now he goes to the movies by himself or to concerts by himself. I guess that’ll be me in the future.

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Nope. I'm as fired up about getting things done after work as before. My lifestyle during a standard week:
- work at 8 until 5ish, sometimes before, sometimes after.
- gym or exercise right after work
- dinner w fam if wife isn't working
- in the shop or our back working on some project until 10
- bed by midnight, start again at 6
- Friday night date night w the wife and friends, live music always on the agenda.
- sat / sun...hang around the pool or lake or slopes dependant on the season w wife fam and/or friends, working on things if no get togethers planned.

Even when I lived the suburban life, garage was sacred place nearly every day for me. For projects, cool vehicles, LSU on the tube or music on the stereo, and beer.

You are responsible for your own happiness. Sounds like you need to step it up for yourself. Even your dog is pushing you around.

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Do you feel like you sacrificed your personality for your wife, family, career?

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men are depressed more than women

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How do you know?