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re: Do you feel like you sacrificed your personality for your wife, family, career?
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:08 am to StringedInstruments
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:08 am to StringedInstruments
Personally there is not a person on the planet I would prefer to spend time with than my wife...I have friends but they are about #4 on my list of relationships I work at to maintain behind my wife, my kids and my immediate family. I assume they see me in the same vein. Like most relationships between a man and a woman ours started out passionately and with lots of sex...after 34 years the quantity has fallen off substantially but the quality is better and the quality of time spent together is infinitely better. We have raised one son, a niece who was orphaned and have a 13 year old daughter. Had we not both changed from the young 20 somethings who were looking to get laid and were surrounded by "friends" whose names we no longer remember there is little chance that we would be in the single most important relationship of either of our lives...folks mature, we change, and many times the differences become irreconcilable...and no one is to blame. Luckily we have not been there and it would be a shock if we did it at our advanced age...but it happens. So yes, people do change when they find something important enough to warrant change...and if they have found that they spend little to no time pining for their past.
2
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:08 am to NewIberiaHaircut
quote:That's 1 thing I've learned to do recently.
I go to concerts by myself, no big deal.
I moved out to where I currently live and work remotely, so that just limits even more how often I get out and about so the circle of friends I have is smaller than ever.
So if I have shows that I know none of the friends I have are interested in, I just go by myself. And hell, that's where I most often will meet and make friends who become your go to contacts for future shows.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:09 am to AwgustaDawg
quote:
Personally there is not a person on the planet I would prefer to spend time with than my wife.
My grandkids.
But thats about it.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:11 am to Odysseus32
quote:
I think this is a fair conclusion to draw. But if you knew my father in law, you would know this is not what he meant.
Unfortunately I kind of got that when reading your post...but was hoping for the best LOL. I suspected you had seen and heard things beyond that single conversation which lead to your conclusion...and you are correct, it is sad.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:14 am to StringedInstruments
quote:
I was into horror movies, rock and metal music, and video games. I don’t really do any of them anymore.
Sometimes I feel like I just work or take care of shite around the house. I work, spend quality time with the kids, and try to have sex with my wife. It’s not a bad life, but I wonder about my own personal identity.
My wife doesn’t like horror movies, rock or metal music, or video games. Slowly over the years, I stopped putting any effort into them. Nowadays, even if I wanted to, I don’t have the time to reignite my old interests. I have to wake up at 5am to survive, which admittedly is because of my intent to stay healthy and workout before work.
Yeesh man. Does your wife like any music or movies? Surely she does. Give and take with that. One concert you go to let it be a band she likes and the next one let it be a band you like. Same with movies. Support each other in the things you each like.
I don't have kids so maybe this is easier for us and we both love the same music but I can't imagine giving up the movies and concerts (I don't play video games) I like because my wife doesn't like them. Suffer out some modern country concert if you have to but make the next one rock/metal.
Main difference with me is I don't drink like I used to and that's a good thing.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:14 am to AwgustaDawg
quote:
Personally there is not a person on the planet I would prefer to spend time with than my wife.
doesn't mean you can't have other interests and other people whose company you enjoy
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:15 am to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
Used to be hell to get up at 7a, now I voluntarily get up at 3a and show up to work at 4a.
I also get off at noon, which is pretty awesome.
First half of life is acceptance and exploring. The last half is getting rid of most of that stuff and concentrating on what is fulfilling.
Some serious Confucius knowledge being handed down right there...the kind of knowledge that is gained from living and awareness and all to often left unsaid by those fortunate enough to have gained it or left unheard by those who were told....you are spot on.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:16 am to StringedInstruments
You can listen to metal music while you workout in the AMs. You can find time to watch a horror movie once or twice a month. I like those things, my wife doesn’t. But if they are important to you, you will still find time to enjoy them. Hell I’m going to the Pantera/Metallica show this summer.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:17 am to StringedInstruments
I get what the OP is saying. I felt that way while married to my first wife. But I can be myself 100% with my wife now, and I've learned to work with my best abilities at work, and spend less time improving in areas that aren't natural abilities for me. It works well..
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:17 am to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
quote:
Personally there is not a person on the planet I would prefer to spend time with than my wife.
My grandkids.
But thats about it.
Just getting in that line of work but so far indications are that you have hit the nail on the head...to the point where one of my few regrets in life is not simply skipping to being pawpaw and left out the whole having/raising kids thing!
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:17 am to buffbraz
quote:
Pantera
RIP Dimebag
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:18 am to buffbraz
quote:
You can listen to metal music while you workout in the AMs.
All that stuff is separate from my wife. I have my own music, styles, even some activities.
But I would as rather go to an event with her than an acquaintance.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:23 am to iwyLSUiwy
quote:
Yeesh man. Does your wife like any music or movies? Surely she does. Give and take with that. One concert you go to let it be a band she likes and the next one let it be a band you like. Same with movies. Support each other in the things you each like.
good advice...and be open minded. I would have never dreamed I would enjoy a good Rom-Com...in fact I was actively trying to get laid as often as possible when Dirty Dancing was in theaters and I had to see that damned movie so many times I can repeat it line for line to this day...and had to pretend to like it. My first date with my wife was to a company christmas party followed up by "Scrooged"...there is no way I would have gone to that movie by choice...but I wanted to spend more time with her and it was worth the "sacrifice". It is now a holiday tradition in our family...had it not been for our meeting and going on this trip together that tradition may well consist of watching "Die Hard" in deer camp with a couple of buddies swilling cheap whiskey and contemplating life....the alternative is not as attractive as it sounds LOL...
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:25 am to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
even some activities.
I've got a few that the wife is welcome to join but she realizes how much of a bonding/reuniting of friends thing it is and she encourages me to just go and have fun, usually a big LSU football game or the annual Freedom Fliers reunion, she has her own things to do with friends a couple of times a year too, I think it's healthy
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:25 am to StringedInstruments
I think a lot of married couples wake up one day and find themselves in a similar situation. My brother and I just talked about it a few weeks ago because he’s there with his wife. His kids are teenagers and have active social lives. Once the youngest turned 16, he and his wife all of a sudden had more free time as they no longer had to drive them all over town. They realized their interests had grown apart while they were raising the kids, and they’re working on bridging that gap.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:30 am to StringedInstruments
Not really. I’ve always been on the nerdy side. I do 3D printing as a hobby and I have my kids involved all the time in that. I have friends outside of my wife/work. My wife supports this and I support her having outside interests. We take time for each other separate from kids. We don’t let kids alone define who we are as individuals or as a married couple .
Yes, we give up personal time for kids but after a certain age (4-5), it gets really cool to involve them in your activities or get involved in their interests. My son loving soccer is an example. I am becoming a soccer fan because he loves it and I want to share that interest with him.
Yes, we give up personal time for kids but after a certain age (4-5), it gets really cool to involve them in your activities or get involved in their interests. My son loving soccer is an example. I am becoming a soccer fan because he loves it and I want to share that interest with him.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:31 am to 777Tiger
quote:
I've got a few that the wife is welcome to join but she realizes how much of a bonding/reuniting of friends thing it is and she encourages me to just go and have fun, usually a big LSU football game or the annual Freedom Fliers reunion
I usually take one or two of the grandkids when I fly down for LSU games.
My wife has little interest in football. I'm losing interest in sports myself over time.
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:33 am to 777Tiger
quote:
I've got a few that the wife is welcome to join but she realizes how much of a bonding/reuniting of friends thing it is and she encourages me to just go and have fun, usually a big LSU football game or the annual Freedom Fliers reunion, she has her own things to do with friends a couple of times a year too, I think it's healthy
It is healthy. What is not healthy is the number of people in relationships who will immediately imagine one or both of you are cheating while doing these things on your own...
My wife and I do a bunch of shite together. I spend a lot of time woodworking...she spends a lot of time in the shop helping out and simply shooting the breeze. She has one of the Cricut things...I spend some time doing that with her. We hunt and fish together some but at least 3-4 times a year I go on a trip either alone or with a couple of buddies. She loves to travel and will, 3-4 times a year, go on a trip with some girlfriends. Of course we have heard it from friends..."he/she is seeing someone while he/she is doing whatever". It is, of course, a possibility...but I trust her and she trusts me and at the end of the day I wouldn't swap her for any woman and I like to think she feels the same way about me...and if one us is dumb enough to risk everything we have together to get some strange it was all smoke and mirrors anyway and not a damn thing can be done about it...why worry???
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:33 am to RogerTheShrubber
quote:
I'm losing interest in sports myself over time.
same here, and if guys that I've known all of my life heard me say that they'd do a double take to see if it was really me who said that
Posted on 5/9/23 at 10:34 am to 777Tiger
quote:
same here, and if guys that I've known all of my life heard me say that they'd do a double take to see if it was really me who said that
yeah, sports were my life as a kid and I played competitively into my early 40s. But I just have lost interest. Even "big games" get my attention if I am doing nothing else.
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