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re: Do you feel like you sacrificed your personality for your wife, family, career?

Posted on 5/9/23 at 2:35 pm to
Posted by olgoi khorkhoi
priapism survivor
Member since May 2011
14936 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 2:35 pm to
Yes but in a good way. I was a menace to society. The type that exists to watch the world burn and occassionally hand it a match. I'm still that way on the inside, but now I'm just waiting for someone to mess with one of my daughters or my wife so I can focus that energy on them. On the outside, I'm a nice-guy dad of 5 girls. I'm starting to consider finding an outlet like Dexter, but I'm not as smart as he was.
Posted by waiting4saturday
Covington, LA
Member since Sep 2005
9775 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 2:52 pm to
So you grew up?
Posted by Unobtanium
Baton Rouge
Member since Nov 2009
1612 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 3:01 pm to
This sums it up for me: A Man Provides
Posted by SuperSaint
Sorting Out OT BS Since '2007'
Member since Sep 2007
140462 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 3:09 pm to
quote:

I work, spend quality time with the kids, and try to have sex with my wife.
I work, spend time with my kids, and try to have sex with your wife as well fwiw
Posted by hubertcumberdale
Member since Nov 2009
6617 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 3:19 pm to
quote:

men are depressed more than women
How do you know?


Posted by BeerMoney
Baton Rouge
Member since Jul 2012
8433 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 3:26 pm to
I feel the same as you.

I don't feel like my wife holds me back from the old things. I just feel more obligation to do the new things. We just old bro.
Posted by tigerinthebueche
Member since Oct 2010
36791 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 3:33 pm to
quote:

was into horror movies, rock and metal music, and video games. I don’t really do any of them anymore


Thank god. Cause you’re not a fricking kid anymore.

Seems you were kind of nerdy as a kid too. Based on the above description.
Posted by cdcleary
Member since Mar 2013
234 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 3:36 pm to
My life is very similar to this and I love it. I love going to bed early and getting up early. It's a much more wholesome existence than I led in my 20's. Plus I'm more productive.
Posted by DownshiftAndFloorIt
Here
Member since Jan 2011
66763 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 3:39 pm to
To an extent, yes of course. I'm not the same person I was as a single man with a beginners career. I'm certainly a better person now than I have ever been, because I sacrificed that "fun" stuff. I would never choose to go back to it.
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
49101 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 4:07 pm to
quote:

My life is very similar to this and I love it. I love going to bed early and getting up early

It used to piss me off when I couldn't sleep past 6am or so on a weekend or day off but I don't care anymore.
Posted by This GUN for HIRE
Member since May 2022
3073 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 4:10 pm to
quote:

sacrificed your personality for your wife


Seems like you liked your wife’s more than your own, so you took it. You take her last name too?

Posted by slacker130
Your mom
Member since Jul 2010
8081 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 4:21 pm to
quote:

It’s not that at all. I just choose to be home, attentive to the house and kids, and focus on my relationship with my wife.



Keep your head down and keep grinding. The kids get older and you get some time back to yourself. All those hobbies are waiting for you when your kids no longer want to be around you and your wife. Those days are coming quicker than you think.

If you continue to team with the wife, when the days arrive and your kids split, you'll still be in love and you'll still be friends. Then the fun can recommence.
Posted by BMoney
Baton Rouge
Member since Jan 2005
16290 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 4:29 pm to
You mean you grew up and became an adult?
Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
49101 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 4:34 pm to
quote:

All those hobbies are waiting for you when your kids no longer want to be around you and your wife. Those days are coming quicker than you think.

Agreed. It's not even necessarily when they are out of the house yet either. Our weekends/evenings are mostly free and clear for whatever we want to do at this point with an occasional exception. Most high school kids don't want to hang out with their parents all the time
Posted by 3nOut
Central Texas, TX
Member since Jan 2013
29120 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 4:58 pm to
quote:

Most high school kids don't want to hang out with their parents all the


My kids still mostly want to hang out with me but it is a constant battle for their attention. My oldest just got out of a 4.5 year relationship (6th grade till 11th) and it’s been a welcome adjustment of having him wanting to hang out with us instead of his phone and her.
Posted by dgnx6
Baton Rouge
Member since Feb 2006
69362 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 4:58 pm to
For women, yes. You've got to actually just lie to them.

Posted by fallguy_1978
Best States #50
Member since Feb 2018
49101 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 5:05 pm to
My youngest daughter's 2 best friends from school live in the neighborhood. I guess they roam between the 3 houses and eat a lot of our food.

2 of the 3 can drive. It's just way different than having young kids at home.

If we wanted to go to dinner tonight or whatever we'd just shoot her a text and say we'll be back later.
Posted by HippieTiger
Boulder, CO
Member since Oct 2015
2129 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 5:19 pm to
quote:

That's just life. If someone had found an accessible and healthy way to keep that undergrad lifestyle going we'd have heard about it by now.

Work in software or whatever other fields offer great pay for less than 40 hour work weeks and remote work

Live in a large and more liberal area where the blueprint of getting married and having kids isn’t the norm and you people will seek hobbies and personal fulfillment first rather than that traditional route

Have cool hobbies like skiing, climbing, biking, etc to build a community around

It’s not everybody’s way, but it works for me at 38. I spend about half the year in Colorado and half on the road at various climbing destinations. The American way of settling into a marriage, having kids, and being handcuffed to a job due to taking on massive amounts of debt was never for me
Posted by shutterspeed
MS Gulf Coast
Member since May 2007
63877 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 5:23 pm to
quote:

Do you feel like you sacrificed your personality for your wife, family, career?


Yes, until I circled 40 years old. Forced myself to finally shite or get off the pot. Now I feel like I'm finally becoming my most authentic self--not constrained from evolving as a person by unfulfilled childhood dreams.
Posted by 3nOut
Central Texas, TX
Member since Jan 2013
29120 posts
Posted on 5/9/23 at 5:34 pm to
quote:

2 of the 3 can drive. It's just way different than having young kids at home. If we wanted to go to dinner tonight or whatever we'd just shoot her a text and say we'll be back later.


My oldest is 16 and driving but he and his girlfriend broke up not soon after he got his license so he’s been fairly homebody. He’s more likely to pick up and bring a friend here than he is to take off randomly. But I also smoke a lot of meat and his friends tend to like eating.
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