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Posted on 11/13/17 at 2:19 pm to HDAU
Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, "No, just leave it in the carton!"
Posted on 11/13/17 at 2:43 pm to vistajay
quote:
Kid: "Dad, my arm hurts when I move it like this."
Dad: "Well then, don't do that."
My dad always used that one. It used to make me really angry considering he's a physical therapist.
Also: Did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
This post was edited on 11/13/17 at 2:44 pm
Posted on 11/13/17 at 2:56 pm to sicboy
I sometime use Yogi's quote that 'Nobody goes there anymore, it's too crowded'.
Posted on 11/13/17 at 2:58 pm to Mingo Was His NameO
quote:
No matter how hard you push the envelope, it's always stationary.
I was going to have brain surgery, but then I changed my mind.
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:00 pm to sicboy
I don't know about favorite, but when someone says, "It's cold in here" or something similar I sometimes look around seriously/concerned and say, "Yeah. It's from all the Toros in the atmosphere."
Usually gets a giggle from the one girl around who has seen Bring It On. It's very lame, but I WILL say that it's worked on random girls before as a disarming dumbass joke that is surprising coming from a dude.
Usually gets a giggle from the one girl around who has seen Bring It On. It's very lame, but I WILL say that it's worked on random girls before as a disarming dumbass joke that is surprising coming from a dude.
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:01 pm to nvasil1
quote:
My dad will audibly fart, then claim there must be barking spiders in the house again.
I think it's funny because he always says it seriously, like he's still hoping someone might actually buy it one day.
my stepdad used to fart and then say "did you hear that mouse on that motorcycle?"
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:01 pm to sicboy
A family walks into a talent agent's office...
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:02 pm to AA77
quote:
A family walks into a talent agent's office...
A Penn State Administrator walks into a butt.
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:07 pm to Breesus
quote:
A Penn State Administrator walks into a butt.
Kevin Spacey walks into a middle school...
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:14 pm to sicboy
A Jewish kid goes to his dad and asks "Dad can I borrow $50?"
The dad says "$40? What do you need $30 for? Here's $20, give $10 to your brother."
The dad says "$40? What do you need $30 for? Here's $20, give $10 to your brother."
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:19 pm to atxfan
Driving Down the road and cross a RR crossing.
Me: "You know how I can tell a train has been through here?"
kid: "How?"
Me: "It left its tracks"
Me: "You know how I can tell a train has been through here?"
kid: "How?"
Me: "It left its tracks"
Posted on 11/13/17 at 3:54 pm to Bumble Bee
"Son, don't let your meatloaf."
Posted on 11/13/17 at 4:04 pm to Cdawg
Pull my finger
Posted on 11/13/17 at 4:06 pm to cas4t
quote:
my stepdad used to fart and then say "did you hear that mouse on that motorcycle?"
My favorite...
Did you hear that a-hole talking shite behind my back?
Posted on 11/13/17 at 4:10 pm to sicboy
Not really a joke, but my dad always said "thank you very much" like Elvis anytime someone did something for him
Posted on 11/13/17 at 4:25 pm to SCLSUMuddogs
“Everybody in this thread is a dumbass.”
-my dad
-my dad
Posted on 11/13/17 at 4:49 pm to Martini
your dad?
Posted on 11/13/17 at 5:20 pm to Brian Wilson
Posted on 11/13/17 at 5:37 pm to cas4t
What did the Bama girl say to her father?
Daddy, get off. You're crushing my cigarettes.
Yeah, I know, but it's still technically a dad joke.
Daddy, get off. You're crushing my cigarettes.
Yeah, I know, but it's still technically a dad joke.
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