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re: Would your fiancé not taking your last name be a deal breaker?
Posted on 11/25/22 at 11:15 am to ArmyHogs
Posted on 11/25/22 at 11:15 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
Let’s say she tells you a couple days before the wedding she wants to keep her own last name?
I knew the deal way before that. I don't believe I'd have married a woman who didn't want to take my name. Not for that reason, but I imagine that would be a symptom of a personality I wouldn't jive with. Unless she was famous or otherwise had a name that meant something for other reasons.
0
Posted on 11/25/22 at 11:39 am to ArmyHogs
quote:
Let’s say she tells you a couple days before the wedding she wants to keep her own last name? Would you still marry her?
Telling you a couple days before the wedding is messed up. However, if he’s surprised by this, he likely missed signs.
I think, like others have said, that this is an indicator that your values don’t align (traditional/conservativ vs. non-traditional/ progressive). I’m sure there are exceptions, but it’s a very small chance.
I also agree with those who said there’s no point in even getting married at that point. If you don’t want to do the traditional thing, why worry about getting married at all?
This post was edited on 11/25/22 at 11:41 am
Posted on 11/25/22 at 11:44 am to ArmyHogs
It happened to me. We are now divorced. She beat around the bush every time I brought it up, claiming she didn’t have time and she would get around to it. Did this for a solid three years before I realized there were some kind of serious commitment issues going on.
She also sprung on me after we were married that she changed her mind and didn’t want anymore kids. So yeah. These things are absolute deal breakers.
She also sprung on me after we were married that she changed her mind and didn’t want anymore kids. So yeah. These things are absolute deal breakers.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 11:46 am to ArmyHogs
It might be different if I were a 20 YO today but I wouldn’t marry somebody who wouldn’t have taken my name at the time. It would have shown a clear values and purpose of marriage misalignment.
My wife’s twice divorced uncle tried to talk my wife into a prenup and she disinvited him to the wedding.
ETA: I’m 40 and not having more kids. If I’m a widower and she has an established career, and we’re not planning on having more kids then it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. At 20 your establishing what kind of relationship you think you’re going to have with that question that close to the wedding.
My wife’s twice divorced uncle tried to talk my wife into a prenup and she disinvited him to the wedding.
ETA: I’m 40 and not having more kids. If I’m a widower and she has an established career, and we’re not planning on having more kids then it wouldn’t be a deal breaker. At 20 your establishing what kind of relationship you think you’re going to have with that question that close to the wedding.
This post was edited on 11/25/22 at 11:51 am
Posted on 11/25/22 at 11:52 am to cssamerican
quote:
So, think very conservative, biblically based, and very family focused. These are things I would find very difficult for a woman to believe in if she wasn’t excited to take her husbands last name.
Still not sure what these things have to do with the woman taking the last name. Not to say I'm opposed to the practice.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 12:43 pm to fatsdominos
I did not care if my wife changed her name or not, and frankly, expected her not to (she was a news reporter back then). She surprised me one day with a new driver's licensee.
The biggest surprise was that she kept her middle name and got rid of her last name all together.
The biggest surprise was that she kept her middle name and got rid of her last name all together.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 12:56 pm to ArmyHogs
Wouldn’t both me a bit. Met someone recently that combined both of their last names to make a new name. They were married 10-15 years ago which surprised me.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 1:14 pm to Odysseus32
quote:
Also, to the poster saying if she doesn't want to take my name she obviously doesn't need my help, go frick yourself. That's not at all what marriage is.
Oh, please enlighten me to the purpose of marriage. Cite sources while you're at it, precious.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 1:16 pm to fatsdominos
quote:
Still not sure what these things have to do with the woman taking the last name. Not to say I'm opposed to the practice.
Because when we are "married" to Christ, we take his name. It's another Christian symbolism that has been worked into marriage and based on biblical doctrine.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 1:17 pm to ArmyHogs
quote:
fiancé
You gay?
Posted on 11/25/22 at 1:18 pm to ArmyHogs
Simping for 500 please....
Posted on 11/25/22 at 1:20 pm to ned nederlander
quote:
ad she changed it it would have taken people about 15 seconds instead of 0 to realize she’s Jewish.
Most Jews take less time than that to work it into a conversation.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 1:21 pm to ArmyHogs
That would be a big deal breaker for me. Think we wouldn't have got that far for it to be a few days before a wedding other indicators would have been there.
Posted on 11/25/22 at 1:25 pm to OK Roughneck
The "professional work" comments are the best.
Yea, we get it, her "work" comes before you.
Yea, we get it, her "work" comes before you.
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