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re: Would your fiancé not taking your last name be a deal breaker?

Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:59 am to
Posted by Cracker
in a box
Member since Nov 2009
17668 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:59 am to
Don’t care
Posted by BobABooey
Parts Unknown
Member since Oct 2004
14231 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:02 am to
The desire to keep her name could be a concern but the real red flag is telling the guy a couple of days before the wedding. I’d be concerned about the motivation behind that.
Posted by Twenty 49
Shreveport
Member since Jun 2014
18725 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:11 am to
Not a problem. I told my wife it would not bother me at all if she kept her name. I pointed out that my name is often mispronounced and misspelled, while her name was common and could be spoken and spelled by all but the dumbest people. Despite my warnings, she switched.
Posted by tigerstripedjacket
This side of the wall
Member since Sep 2011
2999 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:12 am to
It seems like there are two camps here

No name change, pre-nup, two bank account couples

Name change, interdependent, traditional values
Posted by bigberg2000
houston, from chalmette
Member since Sep 2005
70006 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:14 am to
I see.
Posted by EarlyCuyler3
Appalachia
Member since Nov 2017
27290 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:16 am to
Buttchug 100% took his husband's last name.
Posted by Polycarp
Texas
Member since Feb 2009
5564 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:18 am to
Absolutely; tells me she’s not totally committed
Posted by liz18lsu
Naples, FL
Member since Feb 2009
17297 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:21 am to
quote:

She can always change her name back if she divorces her husband so I don’t understand the big deal.


Actually, in the state of Florida, you have to go before a judge to revert to your maiden name, after getting married. The lady at the Social Security office (who didn't ask me for ID, btw ) actually held up my old card and declared "This person no longer exists". I looked at mfiwd and was like, "Is this the Squid or Hunger games?"
This post was edited on 11/25/22 at 7:28 am
Posted by captainahab
Highway Trio8
Member since Dec 2014
1598 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:22 am to
quote:

The hyphenated last names are the worst.


The FTX dude that just stole a few billion (Sam Bankman-Fried) has the father’s last name first and the mother’s last. Joseph Bankman and Barbara Fried. Never seen that one before.
Posted by llfshoals
Member since Nov 2010
15346 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:26 am to
quote:

The days of an easy name change are over. The red tape and hoops you have to jump through at government agencies to change a name is unbelievable.
Thus speaketh the voice of ignorance.

Just had a daughter do so a month ago. Zero issues. Other daughter didn’t have any problems with it either.
Posted by liz18lsu
Naples, FL
Member since Feb 2009
17297 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:28 am to
quote:

It seems like there are two camps here

No name change, pre-nup, two bank account couples

Name change, interdependent, traditional values

quote:

It seems like there are two camps here

No name change, pre-nup, two bank account couples

Name change, interdependent, traditional values



In between camp. Changed my name, but waited until I was 41 to get married. Two bank accounts, because, well, I don't see a reason for combining accounts at our age. Traditional values, but never had a desire for having children, so I didn't. Great with kids, just knew I couldn't handle one 24/7. So, I am like the best "aunt" ever.
Posted by concrete_tiger
Member since May 2020
5964 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:35 am to
Hard to say until it happens and for what reason, but yeah, it would bother me a great deal… especially if she expected hyphen names for us or kids.

My wife simply changed her middle name to her maiden name, which I thought was pretty common.
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:38 am to
quote:

changed her middle name to her maiden name, which I thought was pretty common.


It is, that’s what I did. Made my dad really happy. Plus I always hated my original middle name so was the perfect excuse to get rid of it.
Posted by stout
Smoking Crack with Hunter Biden
Member since Sep 2006
167089 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:43 am to
quote:

My wife did not, but we got married in our 40s and she was well established in her field so that was why.



Got married in our 40s

Don't plan on having kids together

I am established in my field and she started a separate business doing what I do. I didn't want people in the industry to conflate the two businesses and if they saw my last name they would know she's my wife so professionally I told her to keep her last name. Also, keeping her last name makes it easier to prove she is a minority-owned female business. Lot's benefits to that in certain industries.

She uses my last name for everything else

There are reasons nowadays not to and it doesn't mean much like other people are saying if you are adults about it and discuss it beforehand.
Posted by Swagga
504
Member since Dec 2009
16112 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:54 am to
My wife has kept her last name for professional stuff.

It doesn’t bother me at all, she had her career before me and she’s very proud of that. I can’t imagine that ever being a deal breaker.
Posted by Caraway Rye
Member since Oct 2021
5108 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:55 am to
quote:

It’s normally a deal breaker, with a few exceptions. The main exception being if the maiden name is tied to monetary value - like her name is used in advertising a self owned business or something



They can still use the other name for those purposes but legally change their name

That is still not a valid reason
Posted by Sun God
Member since Jul 2009
44874 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 7:58 am to
quote:

Changed my name, but waited until I was 41 to get married. Two bank accounts, because, well, I don't see a reason for combining accounts at our age. Traditional values, but never had a desire for having children, so I didn't. Great with kids, just knew I couldn't handle one 24/7. So, I am like the best "aunt" ever.

Cat mom or dog mom?
Posted by BayouBlitz
Member since Aug 2007
15839 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 8:01 am to
No. What a dumb arse reason to not marry the love of your life.

Posted by greygoose
Member since Aug 2013
11438 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 8:01 am to
quote:

My brother and sister in law have different last names. It’s been an awkward discussion point many times with their kids. The natural assumption is that his wife, the kids mother, is the step parent
I've got an opposite story. A very good friend that I grew up with had a mother who remarried after divorcing his dad. Step-dad and mom had a kid together and she wanted them all to have the same last name. So somehow, he convinces my friend's biological father to allow her to change his and his full sister's last name to the step-dad's. Few years go by, and everyone is adjusted to calling him by his new last name. Then he gets to his junior year in high school, and his mom divorces his step-dad. Now he has the last name of a dude that he isn't even related to in any way. He then goes to change his name back, and spend the next two years correcting everyone who is still calling him by his step-dad's name. Women are crazy.
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
7294 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 8:02 am to
Where are you getting this?

Ive said, I didn't give a shite if my wife took my name. But we have no prenup and share all finances.

Why must everything be so black and white? Is it not possible for people to have traditional thoughts on marriage yet hold the opinion that names are pretty meaningless?

Edit to add - from the posts in this thread, I'm getting that people who don't care if their wife takes their name don't care what other people do. However, people that insists the wife take the mans name seem personally offended that anyone would do otherwise.

Do what you want.
This post was edited on 11/25/22 at 8:05 am
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