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re: Would your fiancé not taking your last name be a deal breaker?

Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:00 am to
Posted by Odysseus32
Member since Dec 2009
7295 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:00 am to
Not at all.

I told my wife she didn't need to change her name if she didn't feel like it. Especially after I read what she had to do to change everything over. It was kind of a lot.

She wanted to change the name, so she did. If it's a deal breaker, y'all should be on the same page about that before the wedding.

Also, to the poster saying if she doesn't want to take my name she obviously doesn't need my help, go frick yourself. That's not at all what marriage is.
Posted by weagle99
Member since Nov 2011
35893 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:01 am to
quote:

I suppose if you're an insecure little man it is a deal breaker.


Nah, it would mean we have fundamentally different views about the world.
Posted by PrimeTime Money
Houston, Texas, USA
Member since Nov 2012
27304 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:12 am to
It’s a deal-breaker.
Posted by cssamerican
Member since Mar 2011
7106 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:14 am to
No, simply because I know at that point our value system would be incapable.
Posted by Froman
Baton Rouge
Member since Jun 2007
36203 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:14 am to
quote:

I suppose if you're an insecure little man it is a deal breaker.


This is what it all boils down to.
Posted by lsuhunt555
Teakwood Village Breh
Member since Nov 2008
38405 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:16 am to
When I was 25, probably. Now that I’m older I wouldn’t care.
Posted by bigberg2000
houston, from chalmette
Member since Sep 2005
70023 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:20 am to
quote:

No, simply because I know at that point our value system would be incapable.




What values? I am not hating I am just curious of the mind set.
Posted by Jyrdis
TD Premium Member Level III
Member since Aug 2015
12788 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:22 am to
A bunch of insecure people in this thread.
Posted by makersmark1
earth
Member since Oct 2011
15748 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:23 am to
Do you have to “officially” change it?

“Mrs. Makers did the change, but we were very young, and it was long ago.”

If someone calls her “Mrs. Makers” does she let it go in causal situations?

I’m older so I guess I would not care at this point since “officially” changing would be a PITA.
Posted by SirWinston
PNW
Member since Jul 2014
81357 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:24 am to
No but her regularly wearing her mask out of doors was one
This post was edited on 11/25/22 at 6:26 am
Posted by GeauxWrek
Somewhere b/w Houston and BR
Member since Sep 2010
4293 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:25 am to
I would require a Pre-Nup at that point and as already stated, any kids would carry my last name
Posted by Crowknowsbest
Member since May 2012
25872 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:25 am to
I would prefer it but there certainly could be valid reasons for not changing it. In this case, telling the fiancé a few days before is a huge red flag though.
Posted by Rouge
Floston Paradise
Member since Oct 2004
136793 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:29 am to
quote:

Would your fiancée not taking your last name be a deal breaker?


Nope

Take her last name, baws.

Hell, might as well both get new last names.

Be an ally.

Posted by jivy26
Member since Nov 2008
2760 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:38 am to
quote:

Would your fiancé not taking your last name be a deal breaker?

Yes. Might as well just not get married.
Posted by dexy82
Madison, WI
Member since Sep 2004
1819 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:41 am to
A couple of days before the wedding would definitely be odd, but my wife and I have both been divorced. She said it was a pain to change her name back the first time, so she just kept it the same after she changed it back to her maiden.(no kids for either of us)

Now we have two boys who have my last name.

I would add that when your younger and it’s your first marriage I think you try to follow more traditional ways of how you think things should be (big wedding etc)
Second time around you’re a bit older
Justice of the piece, a few friends, and so on.
Posted by Upperdecker
St. George, LA
Member since Nov 2014
30543 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:45 am to
It’s normally a deal breaker, with a few exceptions. The main exception being if the maiden name is tied to monetary value - like her name is used in advertising a self owned business or something
Posted by lsunurse
Member since Dec 2005
128950 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:50 am to
quote:

She said it was a pain to change her name back the first time


I kept my married name after the divorce. But I have a very unique situation. My married name is the same as my grandmother’s maiden name (absolutely no relation though).

Me and her were close and she was always soooo excited that I was gonna have her maiden name. I kept it as a way to honor her memory and still feel connected to her (she died a few months before my wedding).

If I ever remarry I would change it to my spouses name though.
Posted by Realityintheface
Member since May 2022
1784 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:55 am to
Not a deal breaker but bringing it up 2 days before the wedding is pretty shitty and I would be more concerned about that. Communication is key to a successful marriage.
Posted by cssamerican
Member since Mar 2011
7106 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:57 am to
quote:

What values? I am not hating I am just curious of the mind set.

My family always got married and had kids later in life. For example, I had grandparents born in 1900. I didn’t get married until I was in my 30s. We spend the vast majority of our social free time with parents and siblings on both sides, and very little time with friends. In essence, our only social circle outside of work is our families. Because of this I think I have a much more traditional view on a lot of topics.

I was taught the word divorce in a marriage was similar to the N-word in society. You never say it, even in a joking manner, because it’s a word that that once said can never be unsaid.

So, think very conservative, biblically based, and very family focused. These are things I would find very difficult for a woman to believe in if she wasn’t excited to take her husbands last name.
Posted by PetroBabich
Donetsk Oblast
Member since Apr 2017
4609 posts
Posted on 11/25/22 at 6:58 am to
Not a deal breaker but it is a warning sign.
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