re: worst experience you've had with a girl in bed

A crusty old Sergeant once told me, "the worst piece of ____ I ever had was excellent, you can't wear out something that makes it's own grease." Ironically, years later he caught his old lady taking the BBC.

Speaking of prosthetic, a guy I worked with was banging this girl I knew that was married. Her husband walked in on them doing it on his bed. He had a prosthetic leg and beat the frick out of him. The coworker came in to work with a busted lip the next day and we laughed at him for weeks after.

I had a similar story but it was worse. I was 17, gf was freshly 19. She was senior, i was a junior in HS. She got wasted at this talent show hosted by seniors, and I took her home. She fell asleep in the car, so I tried dropping her off and going home as I was annoyed with her. She convinces me to come inside with those slutty eyes girls can get - so I did. we go upstairs, she gets fully naked and lays in bed, we start hooking up. She told me her parents were asleep and knew we were there (this was common). Little do I know, mid sex the front door slams and I hear "honey??". I lose my shite. she lives upstairs, and the jump from her balcony was over 15 feet. I decide its a good idea to lay flat in her bed and hope to god they dont notice - but mom slaps my leg and screams "are you out of your fkn mind?!". Dad comes up "im gonna frickin kill somebody!!". He sees me upstairs, with boxers on, and lunges at me. Chokes me with two hands up against the wall for what felt like 5 full minutes (im choking and making that sound while he has two hands on my throat). after he finally let go after wife and daughter screaming, he told me he never wants to see my face again. I responded with, "sure thing, would you mind tossing me my hat and shirt?". He threw it as fast as possible and I made the walk of shame back to my car.

scariest day of my life, but for some reason I thought TP on bunghole story was worse for some reason? thanks for reminding me @SuperNatural


ETA: gf also had quite the hairy bunghole, but amazing body and tits

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New and improved question

Hairy nipple better than sucking a tit boil?

Or the other way around?

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I would tie a tit hair like a cherry stem in my mouth before coming close to sucking a boil.

only go through the back door with your gf or wife. no randoms. also, in order to get HIV, the person you'd bang would have to have HIV. saying anal causes HIV is not correct, but i agree with you in regards to not banging randoms in the arse

Banged a girlfriend on the rag. She was normally pretty tight but this time it felt like I was fricking a jar of Ragu and when I pulled out and saw her “sauce” on my dick I almost threw up.

I met a chick at a crawfish boil last year. We went back to her place and started fooling around. I started to rub her vaj. Prior to this I did wash my hands multiple times but it wasn’t enough. She started to feel the burning shortly after. The burn then turned in to severe pain and Needless to say I did not get laid.

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All you guys sticking your unprotected dicks in random chicks backdoors are idiots. If she lets you do it, then she lets everybody do it. How do you not understand that is number one way to get HIV?

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It’s not like they’re banging Magic Johnson. Let me have their fun.

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Was fricking some chick from behind and felt my taint being licked. I was like “what the hell?”

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There’s something wrong with this???